An Expert Discussion On The Closing Of The "Gossip Girl" Ouvre

Lauren: Ok so seriously I did not even know about Gossip Girl ending until this morning when I read this article:http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/12/xoxo-conspicuous-consumption-how-the-economy-killed-gossip-girl/266181/

Lauren: Otherwise I would have been texting you much more often about it than I already have

Lauren: That, for me, is the saddest part about this whole thing...the end of our texts about Gossip Girl

Lauren:  "UGH SERENA'S DRESS IS THE UGLIEST DRESS THAT HAS EVER EXISTED"

Lauren: "I am riding the Dan & Blair train all the way to Awesomeville. DAN+BLAIR4EVA"

Lauren:  "Chuck has a dog. Its name is Monkey"

Lauren: “uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh Serenaaaaaaaaaaaa”

Lauren: "ugh, serena ruins everything."

Lauren: "CHUCK+MONKEY4EVA"

Lauren: But I have to say that as someone who was initially not only resistant to, but actually disgusted by Gossip Girl, the show, in all its multifaceted horribleness, has really come to grow on me

Lauren: I went back and found all my posts tagged "Gossip Girl" - this first one is worth reading. And you HAVE to watch the video, the video is still amazing: http://the-hedgepig.blogspot.com/2010/08/you-cant-make-me-love-gossip-girl-if-i.html

Lauren: And the show came back from that and was on my "The Best" list last year:

"Dan and Blair (and Chuck?)
I know that it is never to be and that Chuck and Blair are meant to be together, but Dan's love for Blair and the possibility of them boning has kept me watching Gossip Girl even after I stopped reading Richard's Gawker TV recaps. And while Dan and Blair (Dair? Blan?) may never be a couple, that doesn't mean a future plot twist won't involve them knockin' da boots and putting everyone into a tizzy. MAKE IT HAPPEN, writers. Honestly, maybe THEY should all be polyamorous, Chuck and Dan seem to be getting pretty tight with all that talking and bonding they've been doing. Dan got him a DOG and Chuck named that dog MONKEY. That's at least worth a handy during a three-way."

 

Lauren: Last year was pretty crazy good.

Lauren:  Here's the thing about Gossip Girl: it's a really shitty show

Lauren: but it's a primetime soap, which means it is campy and fun and so even as it lost relevance with the younger viewers, it maintained the audience of those of us who like dumb, campy things

Lauren: the real problem with Gossip Girl (besides everything - the writing, the acting, the editing, the Georginaing) is that it lacked any sort of skill or originality. Nate has always sounded like he is reading his lines off the other actor's face. Blake Lively is beautiful and that is all and for her, in life, that seems to be enough. Ed Westwick is beautiful but any time Chuck is not feeling sexy or is acting like a petulant child is a total boner killer. I was about to say "Blair is hot" and then realized that that is literally the only thing I can say about any of these actors. They are pretty. The End.

Michaela: I agree that they are pretty. That is basically why the show is so amazing. The beautiful clothes and beautiful people. 

Michaela: I have a hard time understanding how after 6 seasons nothing has changed except their age. If this were any other show we would hate it because every episode is the same. "Oh hey, let’s all date one another, then break up and fight and then date Dan."
Lauren: DON’T FORGET THE PARTY there’s always a fucking party

Michaela: Dan’s hair should have a spin off.... Lonely Boy and Bart Bass take on NYC.

Lauren: AHAHA

Lauren: Now I am picturing Bart with Dan's hair

Michaela: I want to see that!  Did you notice in last week’s episode that Bart Bass was a Robot?? His eyes never change

Lauren: Seriously, that dude is terrifying.

Michaela: Remember when Rufus was banging a 22 yr old?

Lauren: But to go back to your first point, you're totally right. They all just mysteriously dropped out of college and started careers at...what? 21?

Lauren: And I love how they all have been going to bars since forever

Lauren: And the idea of Chuck and Blair getting married is like NBD

Michaela: I was trying to think about this last night, did any of them actually graduate??

Lauren: ahahaha NO

Lauren: They're not even old enough to have graduated college yet

Michaela: maybe they will shock us with something.... I hope Monkey is the best man

Lauren: Hells yes

Lauren: Wouldn't it be funny if they did a five year flash forward like on Dawson's Creek, except absolutely nothing has changed and it's just one more party that everybody goes to - Chuck gets out of jail and finally marries Blair THE END

Michaela:   I sort of hope they do. is the season ending going to more than an hour?

Lauren: Probably not. I doubt the writers could write an episode that long.

Michaela: ooooo I got it! Kristen Bell shows up and they all have a an orgy, and at the end she says "you know you love me" and winks at the camera.... end scene

Lauren: YES OOOOOOOH I completely forgot about the whole "mystery" about who is Gossip Girl because I don't care and we all know it's Kristen Bell anyway. But yes, I am excited if that is a real thing that is happening.

Michaela: How could you forget? They spent the whole season last year finding GG

Lauren: I TRIED REALLY HARD TO FORGET THAT THANKS DUDE

Michaela: Can we discuss Georgina?? Why is she there?? Why was she at thanksgiving?? Everyone hates her

Lauren: Most importantly, I hate her.

Michaela: that’s really all that matters

Lauren: She is there because she is the physical embodiment of the GG writers' laziness. She forces the plot in unseemly and ungainly ways. She is The Worst.

Michaela: She and Dan should just be forced into being together

Lauren: Well, now that Dan is a garbage shell of a human they kind of deserve each other.

Lauren: She makes me sad because I really liked Michelle Trachtenberg in Pete & Pete and Harriet the Spy

Michaela: I was literally just typing a Harriet the Spy quip!

Michaela: We should try and make a map of all of Serena’s Liaisons

Lauren: So I have been reflecting on what, if anything, I have learned from the frittataed amount of years spent watching Gossip Girl

  (That map would be a really gross map)

  (maybe The Grossest)

  (also remember when Dan banged a teacher?)

Michaela: and what have you learned my dear?? Oh, that was the greatest. Remember Ben?

Lauren: (EEEEW BEN) and the answer is that a lot of people are terrible and some people are very beautiful and some people compulsively spend their time watching bad TV shows because for some reason their brain finds it funny and also it's kind of like some guy who likes art walking into a museum and saying "that sucks, I could do better than that" because well, probably I could, but who is really to say since I haven't tried. Anyway, I think I've decided that Gossip Girl was a scientific experiment to prove my hypothesis that some things that are bad are also very entertaining, which is obviously a hypothesis that has been proved many times over since forever, but I enjoyed the scientific process.

Lauren: Basically who cares if it’s bad, I like it.

Lauren: And I miss Passions.