Dear Louis,
This is just to say I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox that you were probably saving...ha ha, just kidding, I'd never send you that bitchy William Carlos Williams poem, although it would most likely make you laugh. No, instead I'm going to tell you just how impossible it is for a girl like me to not fall a little in love when a man like you makes a mostly fictional television show about his life.
To begin with, let me just say that I don't do red-haired men (or "ginger fucks", as Ricky Gervais might call them). This is probably due to a combination of having a platonic redheaded male best friend and having seen that scene in She's All That where the dude puts his ginger pubes on the pizza and then eats them too many times, but whatever the reasons are, pale dudes with red hair never, ever did it for me. Until you, Louis. Until you.
This is not to say that you're an especially "conventionally" attractive guy, but you're unique and funny and those two things combined are enough to get my loins a-warming. I am attracted to unconventionality. Being self-deprecating and, for the most part, shameless in no way hurt your chances with me. And then you had to go and make an awesome TV show and any hope of saving myself from this ginger-hued path I'm heading down disappeared.
