Dear Louis,
This is just to say I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox that you were probably saving...ha ha, just kidding, I'd never send you that bitchy William Carlos Williams poem, although it would most likely make you laugh. No, instead I'm going to tell you just how impossible it is for a girl like me to not fall a little in love when a man like you makes a mostly fictional television show about his life.
To begin with, let me just say that I don't do red-haired men (or "ginger fucks", as Ricky Gervais might call them). This is probably due to a combination of having a platonic redheaded male best friend and having seen that scene in She's All That where the dude puts his ginger pubes on the pizza and then eats them too many times, but whatever the reasons are, pale dudes with red hair never, ever did it for me. Until you, Louis. Until you.
This is not to say that you're an especially "conventionally" attractive guy, but you're unique and funny and those two things combined are enough to get my loins a-warming. I am attracted to unconventionality. Being self-deprecating and, for the most part, shameless in no way hurt your chances with me. And then you had to go and make an awesome TV show and any hope of saving myself from this ginger-hued path I'm heading down disappeared.
The combination of stand-up and "real world" (as in the opposite of The Real World) situations isn't one that's new, but it seems to me that the juxtaposition may work even better in Louie than it did on Seinfeld. I certainly never fell for Jerry's giant horse face the way I did for you, although that may be because you're not only a better stand-up comedian (and this is not 1991) but also far more empathetic than any character on that show ever was. Don't get me wrong, I love Seinfeld, but not like I love Louie or you, Louis. Although I know the show is written and scripted, that doesn't keep it from resonating, either in a heartwrenching or hilarious way. Somehow, and I think it's your delivery and lack of "acting", you lead your audience through a facsimile of your life where the situations may not be authentic, but the pathos of your character is. I want more Louie, Louis. Bring it on. Make me fall more and more in love with you, you ginger fuck.
Now, before I end this letter of devotion, I want to be clear that it's entirely possible that some of my feelings may have carried over from your stint as Officer Dave on Parks And Recreation. What a dreamboat! However, since you've stated that you don't really act, I'm just going to assume that Dave is another extension of yourself, much like Louie. Don't tell me if that's not true - I just want to be upfront about all of these strange, new redhaired feelings.
Listen up, Louis. Some women, some young, attractive, television-blogger women...are actually looking to date divorced single dads, especially those with a pessimistic streak and a penchant for eating ice cream. And seriously, I've been thinking for awhile about how I would make an awesome stepmom. So, if you're looking for something better AND you care about your kids...I'm here, baby. Call me up, leave a comment, whatever you want. I know you live in New York, but with a love like ours, we'll make it work. At the very least you could make me some more Louie to expand my fantasy repertoire.
If nothing else, I'd like to thank you for showing me that gingers can be sexy, too....although you're still the only one for me.
Eagerly awaiting your reply/new season with all my love,
Lauren
The second season of Louie should return to FX in the fall; in the meantime the first season is available for streaming on Netflix.
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