The Besties 2012

Well, it's a new year, and my housesitting job got interrupted and then, you know, there was all that life-living I try to do sometimes so I wasn't able to get this out before January 1st.  But guess what?  That means it's officially awards season now, so this year I'll be handing out Besties for those who deserve it.  The categories are determined by whatever I make up and think of right now.  So exciting!

Best Cartoon

Bob's Burgers wins this one handily.  Although Archer came first (and I love Archer), Bob's Burgers has the market cornered on wonderfully weird whimsy.  Archer can get a little screamy and a little gross, and I'm still  on the fence about Pam (ha ha) (bisexual humor).  But Bob's Burgers is always excellent voice actors, whipsmart writing and visual jokes, and really just pure delight.  Along with Parks and Recreation, this is the show I prescribe to people who are feeling down after watching too many Michelle Williams romantic dramas.  And the Thanksgiving episode, with Kevin Kline and Linda's Thanksgiving song and the absinthe and everything, was perfection.

Best Fancy Show

Out of all the shite put out by HBO and Showtime this year, Game Of Thrones was the clear winner (with Episodes and Veep tied for a close second).  I haven't even watched all of Season 2 and I still know it's the best show out there.  After devouring all the available books over the summer, it didn't take much for me to love the television adaptation.  Add my forever boyfriend lover, Peter Dinklage, totally killing it from all sides to the sharp, concise, funny writing and the amazing directing, cinematography, and production values, and Game Of Thrones comes out on top.  Consider this my acknowledgment that GoT (and Dinklage) could have swept The Besties, but I'm trying to spread out the love. I can't wait for Season 3, since Storm Of Swords is my favorite of the books.  In the words of the great Ben Wyatt, "They would never cancel Game Of Thrones!  It's a crossover hit!"



Best Dramatic Actor

Yes, Jon Hamm was reliably Jon Hammish in Mad Men this season - he is an incredible actor and deserves to be lauded as such.  But this season of Mad Men lost the plot, and to win the Bestie for Best Dramatic Actor you've got to bring something fresh and exciting to the table. So, in a stunning outcome, it's a tie between Michael Kenneth Williams as Chalky White and John Houston as Richard Harrow AKA Sexy Richard Half-Face in Boardwalk Empire.

 Both of their characters were, to my unending delight, given much more to do in Boardwalk Empire's third season - Chalky became even more coldly threatening to Nucky's enemies and yet even more of a revolutionizing leader to Atlantic City's black community, while Sexy Richard became a nursemaid, helped a traumatized father, fell in love, had the sex, rescued Tommy, and killed HELLA dudes with one shot.  He became the hero of Boardwalk Empire, the only guy the audience really wants to root for.  And he did it while being so goddamn sexy and only having half a face.  Houston's restrained performance is one of the most riveting and affecting I've seen in a long time, and Williams' quiet demeanor gives Chalky all of his power.  Without these two, Boardwalk Empire's third season wouldn't have been the triumph that it was.

Best Dramatic Actress

I honestly had to think about this one a little - I don't watch too many dramas, and most of those that I DO watch are crappy crime procedurals.  But I think the winner has got to be Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway on Mad Men.  I know, I was just ragging on Mad Men five seconds ago, but the truth is that even if I didn't always agree with where the plot headed, Hendricks' performance was always fresh and breathed new vigor and excitement into the role, and the over-all show.  As Joan gained power by sacrificing more than ever before, small glimpses and glances kept the audience informed as to her thrumming underlying emotions.  Hendricks' ability to portray a woman who is both fueled and limited by her sexuality is masterful - and so, so much fun to watch.

Best Drama

Ignoring Game Of Thrones, the only other dramas I'm really involved in are Boardwalk Empire, Mad Men, and Parenthood.  I honestly don't care enough to make a distinction between the three of them because simply the fact that I watch them at all should be reward enough...but we've already established that I don't think this season of Mad Men lived up to the previous ones.  That leaves Boardwalk Empire, which came back from being a show I didn't really care at all about and presented a spectacularly glorious season; and Parenthood, a show which I always put off watching and then wonder why I did.

 I think The Bestie has got to go to BE for sheer quality and for Most Improved, but Parenthood should be proud at coming in a close second.  Their honest handling of real-world situations rarely misses the mark, and is always engrossing and heartfelt and powerful while still maintaining a comfortable level of comedy.  Also I'm pretty sure Max is gay.

Best Hottie

This one is so hard.  Much like in real life, my love for fictional characters is polyamorous.  Tyrion Lannister and Jon Snow are WAY up there; Crosby Braverman is so adorably sexy but Mae Whitman as his niece Amber is lusciously doable; I would fuck Pete, Taco, and Ruxin but definitely none of the rest of The League; if Wilfred wasn't a dog I'd totally hit that; three words: Matty Fuckin' McKibben; Barney Stinson is always a winner; Tommy from Ben & Kate wins Best New Crush; Joshua Jackson as Peter Bishop on Fringe is still consistently smoldering; Andy Dwyer is so bearish and Ben Wyatt is sweet and adorable but Ron Swanson is the hottest of them all.  I have watched YouTube videos of Nick Offerman making a canoe for much longer than a person who knows nothing about woodworking should do so.  But unfortunately for all of the above contenders, this was the year that Troy Barnes grew up.  He hosted a fancy party and wrote the world's sweetest text message and was The Truest Repairman and saved all of Greendale and did it all while being so totally hot.  We may love you, Seacrest Hulk, but it's Troy who danced away with all of our hearts.  Other hotties may have been bolder, or buffer, or more mustachioed, but Troy Barnes was The Best hottie - and so he emerges a champion.

Best Reality Show

All-Stars may have been a poorly organized and frustrating snooze fest, but season four of RuPaul's Drag Race proved that the best competition reality show of all time can still serve up all the Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent that Mama ordered.  From Chad Michaels' practiced Cher to Latrice Motherfuckin' Royale becoming my role model to Sharon Needles bringing the weird fucking shit every single week and winning the whole thing, season four was a goddamn delight (let's just pretend Phi Phi never existed, mmkay?).  Yes, All-Stars was balls-out ricockulous in its utter pointlessness, but really it just got us amped up for season five.  It's time for a big girl to win it, so you better WERQ, Mama!

Best Guest Star

Joe Biden on Parks & Recreation.  'Nuff said.

Best Failure

Shows come and go, but I think it's good to take the time to recognized those that may have been unfairly cancelled.  Last year the honor went to Mr. Sunshine; this year Alcatraz narrowly wins the prize.  I almost gave it to Last Resort, because Last Resort is great, but it is being able to finish out its season and I think that Linda Holmes is right to say it'll work better as a one-season show anyway.  Alcatraz, on the other hand, had so many more places to go.  Sure, it had its weak spots - the lead actress, unfortunately, being one of them - but Jorge Garcia was great AS ALWAYS and his character was just reaching real emotional depth around the time they cancelled the show.  They only made half a season, but it culminates in a TOTALLY BAD ASS car chase through the actual streets of San Francisco, so if you get the chance to check it out just know its got The Hedgepig seal of approval.

Best Comedic Actress

This one is hard, because there are some fantastic actresses working in comedy right now, and I don't want to play it safe.  But we are all about honesty here, and the truth is quite simply that Amy Poehler is an unbeatable comedy powerhouse who is amazing and whom we all lovelovelove.  It was Poehler's style that took Parks & Rec away from an Office retread and pushed it to be the joyous, lively, utterly lovable comedy we now have the pleasure of watching.  Additionally, Poehler's acting is simply top-notch - her passionate run for city council was both hilarious and dramatically moving.  She really deserves all the awards, but even if she doesn't get them, at least she has a Bestie now.  (PS Sunday is gonna be the best Golden Globes ever, Y/Y?  Can't wait.)

Best Comedic Actor

My initial instinct is to pick Nick Offerman - he has turned Ron Swanson into a national (global?) phenomenon, and simply a twitch of his mustache can send me into fits of giggles.

And there are some amazingly talented male comedians all over the place, from Tony Hale on Veep to Elijah Wood on Wilfred to Jon Benjamin (and John Roberts) on Bob's Burgers to Matt LeBlanc on Extras to Aziz Ansari, Chris Pratt, and Adam Scott on Parks & Recreation.  But the top prizes go to the men of Community (minus Chevy, because fuck Chevy).  Donald Glover, Jim Rash, and Joel McHale simply rocked every single episode, through all the bullshit and cancellation concerns and everything.  They turned out a superb half-season of television that should (and will) live in our hearts forever.  But The Bestie goes to Danny Pudi - for his outstanding physical comedy skills; for inhabiting the character of Abed so perfectly and so completely; for being the weird, awkward soul of Community.  He always makes me laugh, but more importantly he makes me feel things that no other television character can make me feel.  Who knows what will happen with Community moving forward, but if Pudi's career doesn't take off, Hollywood is doing everything wrong.  I'll love you and your Kermit legs forever, sir.

Best Comedy

Between Dan Harmon's last season of Community and Leslie's city council win on Parks & Rec that had me sobbing every time I watched it, there can be no clear winner.

 Each show crafted a season so spectacularly flawless I find it absurd that one is now carrying the Thursday comedy block and one is headed for cancellation.  Both of these shows represent everything I love about television - diversity and feminism but also, most importantly, a love of silliness and broad physicality all mixed together with intelligent comedy and a trust in their audience.  Parks & Recreation:  may you continue to thrive in all your wondrous glory.  Community: Damn The Man!  Save The Empire!  Rave on rave on!  You are, and will forever be, The Best.


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