every once in a while, a character comes along who is simply so odious that even a sympathetic back story can't keep me from hating them. this phenomenon could theoretically be called the Abby Morgan problem, but even Abby Morgan (Dawson's Creek) had a few minor redeeming qualities.
for those of you who don't seek out old TV shows from the 80's and 90's, Emily Valentine was a recurring character in the early seasons of 90210. she was troubled and had spiky platinum hair and Brandon like, felt a crazy love connection to her until she took him to a club and forcibly drugged him with something ecstasy-ish called U4EA. then, after he ends it because of said drugging she goes even more batshit insane and starts stalking Brandon and gets paint on his favorite shirt and threatens to kill herself and him and ruins the gang's spirit float and eventually lights a big fire. although they give her a resolution in the next season where she's clean and going to Scotland to study whales - i still hate sober Emily Valentine just as much.
and sure, a character like that can make for some good TV...and maybe i just really have something against that actress (this post was inspired by her playing an equally crazy and insufferable character named Quincy of all things on an episode of 21 Jump Street). but what The Emily Valentine Problem boils down to is this: if a character is so fucking awful/obnoxious/sociopathic as to turn the viewer off, it becomes clear that the writers are simply forcing this character into the situation to create drama and the reactions of the other characters start to ring false. in real life, people wouldn't put up with Emily Valentine; they would call the police, lock her out and tell her she's a crazy bitch. however, The Emily Valentine Problem can be resolved using one of several tried-and-true methods.
The Urkel Solution:
this one is simple: let the rest of the characters embrace how much they hate Emily Valentine (EV). have them openly mock her, reject her, and degrade her way of life. put Carl Winslow slamming the door in her face as a hilarious bit in the opening credits. although EV may be a genius, that simply means that being a genius is one more thing that people hate about her.
example: Karl Pilkington, The Ricky Gervais Show; see also: Screech, Saved By The Bell
new candidates for treatment: Howard Wolowitz, The Big Bang Theory
The Kitty Sanchez Treatment:
make EV too funny and useful to not put up with - without losing her hatefulness. i'm thinking here of Kitty on Arrested Development, who is not only hideous ("let's just put that hair right back up") and a narcissistic brown-noser but also mind-numbingly cunning. she never does anything for anyone but George Sr. and somehow ends up on top (with a cooler full of
sperm). man, i love Kitty. see how well The Kitty Treatment works? Spring break!!! wooooooooooooooo!
example: Celia Hodes, Weeds; Angela, The Office
new candidates for treatment: Karen, How I Met Your Mother
The Abby Morgan Resolution:
kill Emily Valentine. in a way that is her own damn drunken bitchy fault, and which really only serves as a way for the main characters to point out that just because she's dead doesn't mean she wasn't a huge bitch whose entire purpose on the show was as a subplot shit-stirrer.
example: that fucking awful woman Zoe from Lost, who did not come to The Abby Morgan Resolution quickly enough.
new candidates for treatment: Terri Schuester, Glee
if you've got other solutions, i'd love to hear them. and if you've got an Emily Valentine that's ruining a show for you....well, i guess you'll just have to suck it up and hope there's a self-inflicted drunken concussion on a pier over icy water in her future.
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