"There's a lot of f***ing judgment in this place, right?"

I just watched the Joaquin Phoenix/Casey Affleck documentary(?), "I'm Still Here. This is what I am feeling about it.

"I'm Not Here" is a little like "Inception". Whether or not it's real is both up to the viewer and, ultimately, inconsequential. What is undoubtedly authentic about the film is how quickly the Hollywood machine will turn on someone who refuses to go along with The Way Things Are Done. However, since Joaquin has done no acting or, to my knowledge, public appearances, since, in my opinion there is no reason to doubt that his actions and emotions are anything but authentic, even if the film may be, in some ways, scripted.

It is a tragic story, but one that serves to illustrate to what extent the players in Hollywood are in collusion with each other. I'm pretty convinced that the reason "I'm Not Here" didn't get much critical recognition is because of how completely it reveals the cruel flaws in the media system. Yes, there are occasionally drugs involved, and yes, Joaquin's brother River died of a drug overdose. But why? Because they were both put in a position where no one is telling them not to? Because they are troubled souls whose fragility informs their art but plagues their life? Who really knows. What we do know is that for a celebrity to break out of their assigned box and try to do something different when faced with nothing but mockery and criticism can be life-alteringly difficult.

Joaquin didn't use a publicist to announce his retirement from acting. He told it to a guy from Extra on a red carpet. That single action of agency was interpreted from the beginning as a "fuck you" to The Way Things Are Done. Immediately, no one takes him seriously, and any hope that he had of holding things together and making a new career are gone. Once the rumors of the documentary being fake or "a hoax" started circulating, things got even worse. Whether or not that's true and Joaquin was just acting for the entirety of the film (which I don't believe, and you won't either if you watch it) does not ultimately matter for the message it is trying to get across. By including clips of the media discussing Phoenix's actions, the hoax rumors, and, post-Letterman, the parodies, "I'm Still Here" examines Hollywood's need to shame those who refuse to play along.

I refuse to shame Joaquin. He's a brilliant actor and a beautiful man and, it must be said, his hip hop is not that bad. Oh, sure, when he performs live he's lacking something (and that something is enunciation), but some of the tracks he plays for Diddy are pretty sweet. Of course, Diddy then crushes Phoenix's last shot at musical legitimacy, probably because he showed up looking like my blind grandpa.

"I'm Still Here" shows us that, in show business, appearances are everything. Let's go back to that infamous Letterman appearance. Phoenix flew out to New York immediately after his last meeting with Diddy, who told him, almost laughingly, that he wouldn't be producing any of his tracks. His publicist was badgering him to promote "Two Lovers", the last film he made before retiring. Phoenix is clearly anxious about it. When he comes onto the show, he seems willing to conduct a perfunctory interview, nervous but smiling. Letterman, however, immediately makes it personal, teasing him about his beard and how different he looks. Letterman goes on to complain about his gum-chewing, and I think it's a perfectly reasonable and hilarious response to then stick his gum under Dave's desk. Fuck that dude. When Paul Schaeffer laughs cruelly into his mic for no real reason, Joaquin looks up, seeing clearly what is happening to him. After leaving the studio and being booed by paparazzi, Joaquin stops the car by Central Park, climbs into a thicket, and has a breakdown. He admits that he has now become a Hollywood joke, and for people to take him seriously again will take a miracle.

Fuck those people, Joaquin. You are a genius actor and an amazing creative soul. I love your scars, inside and out. Stop doing blow, trim your beard, and maybe brush your hair every once in awhile. Mostly you should stop doing blow, because it makes everyone, but especially celebrities, into a pathological narcissist. If you feel like it, do some more acting. If no one will hire you, come to me and I'll give you a job. Hollywood may be obsessed with how real "I'm Still Here" is and to what degree you told the system to go fuck itself, but I know that those things don't really matter. What matters is that you ARE still here, creating marvelous fucking bits. Yeah? Yeah.

You can watch "I'm Still Here" on Netflix instant, and for anyone who is a fan of Joaquin or interested in the well-oiled machine we call Hollywood, I would highly recommend it.

Oh, and Ben Stiller, you're an asshole. Something About Mary is not funny, and Greenberg was lame - you're just bitter you couldn't get Joaquin to be in it. I wish you would retire and stop ruining the world with fucking Focker movies. So there.

Image via Just Jared