It's so nice to remember that Weeds does have a memory, and a pretty good one at that. I didn't do last week's recap because it was basically blah blah Wall Street bullshit blah blah HEYLIA! So there you go, recap managed. This week opened right where last week left off, with Heylia shooting at Nancy and Silas who have managed to obtain a detailed map of where her Humboldt pot farm is? From Conrad? On Facebook? Yup. Ok. Good luck with that but you probably won't need it because I'm sure that in real life it is super easy to navigate the complex and dangerous not to mention completely off-grid and backwoods-folk-riddled areas of Humboldt where people grow massive amounts of weed. Just kidding that is absolutely not true have fun dying because people will shoot at you even if you aren't the white bitch who drove them out of town. ANYways, then Dean is there, and there is something romantic and then there isn't and then there IS, with some adorable hand-holding at the end, but mostly Dean is just there because he is the Turtle and so he does some Turtley, Deany-type things, but first somehow he gets Heylia to put down the gun (and hatchet) and invite the crazy white people in.
Back in New York City, Andy has moved on from Sabrina's BFF & her dying husband and their weird death house and is now going to market his Copenhagen wheel but needs start up cash. I don't know why everyone in this episode was totally shitting on his plan, it sounds like something that Americans would be lining up to have. Well, maybe not rich Wall Street assholes (worse Weeds storyline ever? Well, the cheese shop/statutory rape one was pretty bad), but they're rich Wall Street assholes, so fuck them. Anywhoozle, Shane refuses to cough up his student loan cash (I am still unclear as to how he's gotten all this money and what his eventual plan is; I can imagine him just saying "Murderers don't pay back loans" and throwing the collection notices in the trash. Or is he still a Newman? These kind of semantics get to me.) and Doug's assholes think he's silly and small, so Andy is SOL until Shane gets the idea from a detective in his criminology class to set up a front and so they buy a gay bar. For now, that is the end of that storyline.
Oh, I didn't mention the Copenhagen Wheel advertising video, which I enjoyed, except: Andy lived in Denmark for two years and didn't have any Danish friends to put in his video? Just absolutely not possible. He made friends while being smuggled across the Mexican border with a scary coyote; Fun Bike Andy would definitely have Danish friends.
Now the next incongruity I'd like to pose as a question: Do you think that Conrad would have a Facebook? With nine friends? And if so, do you think that Silas would be able to easily search for and locate him? I THINK NOT, but we've established that what Weeds thinks and what I think are separated by a vast chasm of death-defying silliness.
Getting back to Nancy and Heylia in the Humboldt pot farm that at least looks like it could possibly be Humboldt unlike that terrible episode of Lost where John Locke is all, "No. I'm a hunter." and they talk about how they grow motherfucking peaches in Bridgeville which, no, you don't, and he's driving along the 101 SUPPOSEDLY but it is, like, lined in elephant grass and then there is a sunny flash storm which, no, there isn't. Just to point out that this is AT LEAST better than that. Anyway, a lot of this episode was just Nancy and Heylia talking in the way that Nancy and Heylia do but I've gotta say Nancy was just extra insufferable this episode. Maybe it's because she's gotten so skinny that her nose looks like a skeleton, but I'm just fucking tired of Nancy expecting people to feel sorry for her. And in that respect it was nice to have Heylia around to verbally abuse her for me (and to abandon her in a booby-trapped pot farm).
In some ways it feels like, yes, this makes sense - you go to the people you know you can trust when you're dealing with drugs (and dealing drugs). But in other ways (many other ways) it just feels like they're scraping the bottom of the plot barrel just in order to get Nancy dealing again. Now I am NOT COMPLAINING about Heylia and Dean returning to the picture (although, to be honest, I would've preferred to check in with Celia and Isabelle) but they set up the Sarge thing just to abandon it and go on this very strange and irregular California trip.
Of course, Nancy and Silas continue to hash out their issues in the last ten minutes of the show every week, but this time something actually got said. After Nancy makes one of her completely obnoxious and barftastic speeches, Silas counters with, "Everything you say, Mom, just sounds like stuff to say that doesn't actually mean anything." Which is totally and absolutely true, end of recap, end of Weeds, The End.
But PS, I like that Silas is staying in The Hum (and I predict we will see him bang a hippie sometime soon). He has proved to be a terrible driver in the past, hopefully nothing will go awry on the drive east.
PPS Martin Sheen is amazing, wins at life every time. "Tell me a story for my book, that would be nice." And then she spouts off some bullshit about how she thinks about all "her people" all the time and like, NO, you are a narcissist, you do not do that, and he sleepily is all, WTF?
PPPS Stevie? Continues to be a terrible name for a child. Also, I hope that hug got in a whole lot of bonding and talking in, because then he wandered off and maybe a distractingly cool science museum is not the best place for a very important and educational mother/child reunion, right? Right. I am much righter than this show about basically everything.
Notes & Quotes
"Be the mom."
"Fuck a talk. You in Humboldt now."
"Ok, Charles may have cupped my ass once."
"1st degree steppin' in shit you can't handle?"
They grow outdoor but they harvest every month? NOPE. This show needs grower consultants that help write the show like House has doctors and Mad Men has advertisers and Numb3rs had mathematicians.
"No bug. Just your face."
"Your story don't end well, and if they don't know that by now, they as stupid as you are."
"Have you seen 'The Wire'?"
"With the tax credits from the recent repeal of the herring tarriff..."
Hunter Parrish is not so much a good actor, can we agree? But he sure is pretty.
"Are you taking this class because The Films Of Nic Cage was all filled up, or are you actually interested?"
I am sad that there does not appear to be any Conrad on the horizon. Thus, I demand Isabelle!
Image via MaxUpdates
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