I picked up my friend Matt, a comedian and USC grad who writes this awesome blog which you should all be reading, and we headed over to the Warner Bros studio in Burbank. We parked and then went down to the check-in area, which was on the ground floor of the parking structure. "That sucks," you might be saying, but it was shady, with cold water to drink and bathrooms and benches and even a smoking area out back for those so inclined. When we arrived we were given a number (18), so we didn't have to stay in a line or anything and Matt and I, after a failed attempt to walk to Forest Lawn Cemetary, hung out and shot the shit talking television and comedy and LA life for a few hours until it was time to go to the studio.
As we lined up in order and started walking two-by-two, the pages kept calling out "Team Coco, stay to the right!", which I thought was a fun touch. We weren't just there to fill seats and applaud when prompted or to be on Lopez Tonight, we were on a team and we were fighting for something! What were we fighting for? I'm not sure. Conan's right to be awesome and hilarious, perhaps? Sure. Let's go with that. Anyway, Team Coco was herded past a bunch of Star Waggons (that is how it is spelled) and into another waiting pen, where we chilled for about 15 minutes before being led past the stage where The Big Bang Theory is filmed and into stage 20-something. The first thing I noticed, besides a giant, upside-down Quaker Oats canister, was the security guard who looked like Andy Richter crossed with the crazy Quaid brother (...Randy?). I don't know if he's Andy's brother or if they hired him because it'd be funny, but either way...it was funny. Then we were led into the studio.
It looked fancy. Everything was gleaming gold and burnished wood; even the curtain is iridescent. Matt and I got some of the best (super comfy) seats in the house. Second row, right in the middle, behind the producer's stand and next to the alcove where sometimes there are cameras and sometimes there are cute dudes in glasses messing with their iPhones and collecting cue cards. I strongly considered leaning down, showing some cleavage, and asking who I had to blow to get a cue card to take home, but I had my eyes locked on Jon Benjamin and by the time Jon was gone, so was the dude. Anyway, it turns out that the month I spent watching The Larry Sanders Show (which I highly recommend, is available on Netflix, and will be posting on as soon as I can) really did educate me on the basics of late night talk show production. First the warm-up comedian, Jimmy Pardo, came out, and was quite funny - later he sat in the aisle next to us to watch the monologue. He explained to us about the applause sign and asked us not to be dicks and yell things out in the middle of a joke. Then Andy came out and introduced the band, who came through the aisles singing and playing two numbers. They're a great band and really helped get the energy up in the audience. Then, almost all of a sudden, it was time for Conan.
The producer counted down and Andy did the intro and then there he was! Standing a good 15 feet in front of me, pale as the San Francisco summer sky. He launched right into the monologue, looking mostly into the camera but occasionally scanning the crowd. I should say that I really do appreciate the work that comedians put into making me laugh, and I was trying my damndest to project that appreciation. A mostly meaningless gesture, but what else can I do? I am but a lowly audience member. After the monologue there was a pre-taped bit from Comic Con, but I mostly kept my eyes on Conan, wanting to see what he does when the camera isn't on him. He drank from a mug which, while it was sitting on the producer's stand pre-show, I could see had different words and phrases on it, like "Gibbles" and "Salves And Creams". Inside jokes, I'm sure. Anyway, mostly he drank his water (?) and watched the bit intently. Then the cameras were back on and it was almost time for Emma Stone to come out.
During the next commercial break (because these shows film one continuous hour, with the breaks all planned out) the cameras all moved and adjusted to get closer to the desk and couch. Then Emma Stone came out, looking lovely, though incredibly thin, and wearing beautiful blue Louboutins. If you want to know more about that, you should just go watch the show. She was adorable and funny, told her stories, gave Conan and Andy hugs and then disappeared. The most notable thing about this experience was how quickly it went by - it didn't feel like an entire hour, even though it was.
Then Jon Benjamin came in, like a champion. And let me tell you, his eyes are more striking in real life, even from twenty feet away. They glitter like giant aquamarine rings being sold by Mariah Carey on QVC. You really should go watch his interview at the very least; it was a great one because, as mentioned previously, Jon Benjamin makes nothing but comedy gold.
After Jon and the cue card dude departed, Conan explained to us that because the musical segment had been pre-taped, he was gonna do something a little different and come through the audience and sign autographs. Now, I'm not someone who's going to go out of their way to get a piece of paper signed by a famous person, but if he's offering and I don't have to wait in a line or anything...sold. Plus, it gave me a chance to do what I've always really wanted to do, which is just to be near him to see how tall he really is. So after he signed Matt's dollar bill, I handed him my ticket and said, "I really just wanted to stand next to you" and made the measuring sign from the top of my head to his elbow (his is a giant and I am a hobbit) so he knew I wasn't just an insane creep. "You've got a ways to go," he said, handing me back my ticket and moving on to the next one. I laughed, and walked out with the crowd. Looking back, I should have said "Thank you" because I like to be polite and it seems like people just sort of expect that sort of thing from celebrities without giving them much thanks in return. So here's my thanks, Conan, for that small bit of banter and for signing my ticket and for continuing to make great comedy in the face of Hollywood bullshit. It was a great show.
For anyone who is interested in comedy or television or Conan or anything like that, I would really recommend going to a taping. The whole process was only an afternoon long, and it was an experience that I feel lucky to have had (unlike the a-hole teenager who was complaining to the page on the walk back from the studio). You can watch the episode I saw on the Team Coco website, and if you like them on Facebook they will update you on when the next ticket lottery is. And, because everyone I've talked to has been all, "Jon Benjamin who?" you should also watch Jon Benjamin Has A Van, Archer, and Bob's Burgers because REALLY? What is wrong with you? Do you not enjoy laughing?
More on late night coming soon in the Larry Sanders post, I swear!
Thanks again, Mr. O'Brian!
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