Hot Ham Water

"So watery...and with just a smack of ham." This post is dedicated to Alia Burdick, the only person other than myself and co-founder Katherine Bickford to studiously attend all four Motherboys. This bountiful image of Gob is for her.

** EDIT: after painstakingly picking the perfect pictures, the OP has decided that they should go away. Please be patient while I find new ones. **

I'm not really sure how it began. The idea started as a kernal; Kate was housesitting at a place where we could smoke weed inside, and we really just wanted to hang out and get high and drink cider and eat pizza and watch TV. And at that time, she hadn't seen all of the third season of Arrested Development.

If you have never seen Arrested Development, you should stop reading this blog and go get on Netflix or anywhere else on the goddamn internet and watch it ALL RIGHT NOW because (a) this is Motherboy season and (b) what the hell is wrong with you? Your life must be so empty.

To continue my tale, once Kate and I put our awesome brains together, we decided to make it into a gathering where all our friends could come and hang out and have the best Arrested Development marathon ever. A few days in between Christmas and New Year's were chosen as the perfect time, because everyone's sick of their family and needs some time to just chill before going out and raging on NYE. We bought a quarter and a 12 pack of hard cider and settled in with blankets and beanbag chairs.

Things had been going well; we were high, eating sourdough bread and spinach dip, flying through the first disc. Somewere around "My Mother, The Car" Arcata lost power for what would be days or weeks, depending on where you lived. Our New Year's Eve would be generator-powered with a Plaza full of chaotic dark mayhem. But that's another story; in this moment, the TV was out. What to do?

I opened my laptop and the marathon continued. When my battery died, a friend brought her's over, and another friend did the same. People brought blankets since the heat was out, and we continued on for two days. On the third - a Motherboy miracle! - the house regained power and we continued late into the night, lounging and smoking and drinking and eating and, most importantly, laughing together.

And that is the story of the first Motherboy, and how the laptop batteries and the spirit of Arrested Development brought us all a little joy during the great blackout of 2006.

What makes Arrested Development the perfect show for this kind of ensconcement is not only that it is a great, near-flawless show that almost anyone can find the humor in, but also that it is, like all great comedies, a show that actually gets funnier the more times you watch it. It becomes a part of your vernacular, and changes your perspective on things. You really learn all about the characters and notice amazing details that have passed you by. I've probably seen the entire series of Arrested Development seven or eight times, and I still find new things that just enhance the deeply layered comedy of the show. Most people have no problem dropping into Motherboy, for a few hours or a few days or even just a few episodes, and most people are just as devoted to the show as we are. Motherboy MVP Alia didn't just attend all four Motherboys, she settled in and committed.

Motherboy continued in its original form for three years. Last year, wanting to shake things up a little and pay homage to one of our other favorite shows, we held a How I Met Your Motherboy instead. It was fun, but the show just doesn't hold up the way AD does. There are episodes, especially in the first season, that are easy to skip over, and the thing is just too damn long to fit into a couple days. The threeish seasons of Arrested Development fit perfectly into the timeframe and rarely is there a groan of "This episode? Bleh." because they're basically all awesome.

This year I've been in LA for Christmas, which has been warm, but means that no Motherboy was even remotely possible. I miss it a whole effing lot - not just because of my friends and the show, but of the relaxing and healing qualities of spending two and a half days cuddled up inside, watching a favorite familiar show with favorite familiar people. But! Thankfully I'm going down to San Diego to visit Alia and other friends tomorrow, and perhaps we can have a mini-Motherboy of our own. Adopt ours or start your own tradition (Party Down is perfect for a one-day marathon if you're lacking in time), but what's important is the combination of good friends, good food, good booze, and if you're me, excellent weed.

Noobs may be wondering what the fuck Motherboy refers to. For the record (why haven't you gone and watched it yet?!?), Motherboy XXX is an episode from the second season and refers to the thirtieth year of creepy country club mother/son dance event competition. It's an early hook-hand episode and is thus priceless. Perhaps not my favorite episode, and certainly not one with anything whatsoever to do with our Motherboy incarnation, but, in my opinion, a wonderful non-sequitur of a name.

"Either I zip down, or he zips up, and that is a mighty long zipper on Mother's Cher jumpsuit. You have to get on your knees to start it."

"If you were hot, Mother, we would win!"

Sadly, that's it...if I were to really start quoting we'd be here all week. In celebration, go watch some Arrested Development for yourself, or, at the very least, go get some brandied cider and spend this week hermiting with your friends, celebrating the true spirit of Motherboy.

"I'M A MONSTERRRRRRR!!!"

Amen.