Blast From The Past! - Grown-up NKOTB edition

If I haven't made it clear enough here before, I am a child of the 90's. Oh, sure, I was born in 1985, but that meant that about the time I started making coherant memories, it was 1990. And by the time 2001 rolled around I was a modern-pop-culture-eschewing teenager, so I look back on the 90's with much nostalgic fondness. I'm starting this feature called Blast From The Past! (and who knows, we might even talk about the bizarro fluff that is the movie of the same name) so that I can occasionally discuss some wonderful and/or wonderfully terrible relic from this most fruitful of pop eras. Today we're going to begin at the end, in the mystical time known as 1999...

...It is a simpler time. The impeachment hearings are over, and nobody really believes that George W. Bush will ever be president. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire is still a new sensation sweeping the nation. The air by the beach is warm, reminding you that summer is coming soon. In your friend's living room, you take a break from playing Nintendo 64 to watch today's TRL. "All Star" and "Summer Girls" have yet to drop, so today's top ten includes this gross display of grossness:

"That is so gross!" you say, and your friend giggles and agrees and you go back to playing Nintendo.

I'm not sure why I found Jordan Knight's ode to sexing people up disgusting while I revelled in (and still do; I've mastered the rap solo) 5ive's "Baby When The Lights Go Out", but I think it has to to with how earnestly sexual Knight's performance is - an unsurprising fact since he came out and we now know he's a total 'mo and he really doesn't want to give it to me at all. I do love how that entire video is just some bad dancing in a parking lot in front of a ferris wheel that nobody ever rides with a love interest who is sneering at people the entire time. Man, the 90's were so full of win.

But while Knight's video may make 13-year-olds uncomfortable, his fellow NKOTB-turned-solo "artist" Joey McIntyre's is a schlocky pile of Augustus Gloop post-chocolate factory vomit - and yet I can't look away:

Oh, old Asian lady. Oh, woman wearing a wool hat in the middle of the summer. Oh, guy driving a car. You are all the best! Never change, or grow, or learn anything.

I stumbled upon these gems because I am a huge nerd for 90's pop music and I have been trying for a few years to compile the most awesome 90's playlist ever. I'm already at about 11 hours of music - Knight is making the cut, but Joey and his pretentious falsetto can suck it. The videos really did transport me back to my TRL-watching days! So 90's in so many different ways.

If this was the 90's, to sign off I would say something like, "You've just been Blast From The Past-ed!" and Mark Summers would throw a pie in your face; possibly there would be sound effects and/or a group sing-a-long involved. A simpler time, y'all.

Extra bonus video, for the fans of the truly ludicrous:

This is not to hate on Hanson, they've proven themselves as good musicians in their own right. But think about how many kids all those kids have between them now, and tell me it doesn't creep you out. Also, great lip synching - NOT! (90's burn!)