"Look at my teeth, they're like cars!"

I miss Parks And Recreation. When is NBC gonna realize everybody hates Outsourced and bring back my Pawnee crew? I need more Ron Swanson in my life!

Thankfully, I just discovered these clips that the cast has released online. Check 'em out HERE, and get excited for the return of a solid block of Thursday comedy.

For the record, I think that Outsourced has a few very talented and funny comedians. I just think it's a shame that the material they have to work with is so bad and, frankly, offensive. Cancel it and find them other roles on your network, NBC! But I seriously need more of my favorite mustachioed man. In the words of Becky, "Give me some Ron Swanson or I will cut you."

This Is One Fucked-Up Mundo We Live In, Mondo

I was going to write a post about the BEYOND INFURIATING Project Runway finale outcome, but in all honesty, I haven't actually watched it. I had an inkling that Mondo might not win, and I didn't feel like ruining a perfectly good night by yelling at my screen.

Turns out my instincts are right. I know that editing was supposed to make it easy to hate Gretchen, but I can hate everything about her all on my own. I hate her when she's being nice. I hate her when she's being an asshole. I despise her fucking it's-cool-because-it's-ugly haircut. I think her clothes belong in a garbage bag that is dipped in shit and then set on fire.

It makes me legitimately sad that she won with her sad, barfy, psuedocoolugly clothes.

The comments section over at TLo is ablaze, but this one, from an anonymous commenter, is the best at saying what I feel:

Save Charlie Sheen - Boycott Two And A Half Men!

Maybe I haven't expressed my disdain for Two And A Half Men on here before. It's a pedantic, sexist, moral vortex of a show that stars a pedantic, sexist, moral vortex of a human being. I can understand why ignorant people watch it, but I really don't understand the awards it's been given over the years. It sucks, basically, but both the show and its star have been given a pass for their repeatedly awful behavior because they make people money.

Charlie Sheen is clearly in need of a serious wake-up call, which he's not going to get when surrounded by enablers who are solely interested in having his warm, famous body available for filming. Someone needs to stand up and put the show on hiatus and get that dude some really, really intensive therapy.

EDIT: The president of the network won't do it, so it's up to us, folks.

You heard it here first: Boycott Two And A Half Men (not that you were watching it anyway, but it's the thought - and emails to CBS - that count) and save Charlie Sheen. As an added bonus, TAAHM will fade from our screens like the sounds of a siren coming to haul your violent, drug-addled naked body from the room with a prostitute that is next to the room where your children are sleeping, yet somehow, you do not get arrested. Enablers.

I like when doing the right thing coincides with doing the right thing for my TV.

"Give me some chocolate or I will cut you."

Okay, so maybe my post about the dearth of Halloween episodes was premature.

Last night's episodes of Glee and Raising Hope were pretty awesome & thematically appropriate. Raising Hope is seriously getting better and better - Cloris Leachman is a fucking genius, and I love Jimmy's friends, especially Javier ("Baby food? What a waste. This is delicioso - it's like meat pudding"). The show manages to be fucked-up and heartwarming all at once, much like scaring your child so he'll hug you.

The Tweetie

After years of naysaying and resisting, I am now on Twitter. I realized that it's such a good way to network and I can get all the little fleeting opinions and thoughts I have out without having to write a whole post on here. You can follow me @girlglowsgreen, or leave suggestions for people for me to follow, too!

For your edification and enjoyment, here's my Tweet-warming present to you:

dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

So, you know, it was a slow week this week. After the grandiosity of the Mad Men finale, everything else just sort of seemed to pale in comparison. How I Met Your Mother was good, but not groundbreaking. Running Wilde is getting better and better. Community's "Messianic Myths" episode was so awesome I watched it twice, but I don't really have much to say other than I have never seen a show handle religion as well as Community does.

But straight up the best show this week was South Park, with their brilliant episode "Insheeption". If you've seen Inception, you've got to watch it, so go NOW! I won't ruin anything for you. And if you have seen it then the title of this post might make sense.

"I'm gonna miss you, you know."

So, Tomorrowland. Wow. This episode blew me away. This is what we've been waiting four long years for...to see Don Draper absolutely, authentically happy. At the beginning of this season, I wrote that "I doubt Don Draper has ever asked himself what he really wants." Thankfully, since this ended up being the season of "what I want versus what's expected of me", we got Don Draper asking himself that question and, miracle of miracles, finding the right answer.

It is a testament to Jon Hamm's superb acting abilities that I was able to actually watch Don fall in love with Megan and realize that love for himself. He acts differently around her than with any of his other women; he is a bit timid, respectful yet desirous, and, at first, obviously "scared". Maybe it's accentuated by the fact that I'm going through a bit of romantic confusion myself at the moment, but I felt all of the characters' emotions so strongly and effortlessly last night. When that scene with the milkshake where it really clicks for Don fades into the scene in his apartment where The Sad Man Cave is drenched in the so much sunlight it becomes almost unrecognizable...it was clear that things are looking up. By trying to be a better man, Don has become one.

"I'm committing mentacide. My brain is attacking itself."

Bored To Death is a comedy about three men living in New York City. They smoke a lot of pot, which I like, and are unapologetically homoerotic, which I also like. There's something to do with failing at being a writer and a fake private detective agency. It takes place mostly in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and I'm sure is exploiting the area's hipster popularity as well as its opportunities for comedy. Bored To Death is like a well-regarded novel that centers entirely on masturbation: it's self-aware, mildly pretentious, and overall it is very, very funny.

Save Our Shows!

I've been wanting to talk for a while about ratings, and the system that determines what shows get to stay on the air. It's a fucked-up, broken system and it's really clear to me that something needs to change.

We're living in a time now when almost everything is connected digitally. We can tell our friends instantly about the songs we just purchased on iTunes (argh, I hate Ping, especially the fact that I can't turn it off) and Tweet in realtime about whatever is happening in our lives. So why is it that we're still living in the archaic age of Nielson ratings? People watch TV differently today than they did even five years ago. Many people, including the majority of young people, watch their favorite shows online - on Hulu or the network websites or they do some minor internet sleuthing and find them for free, like I often do. Many other people don't have time for live TV and record it on their DVR. However, TV ratings do not reflect these numbers, and if they do, it's inefficient.

Television is in a golden age right now; some of the best shows that have ever been made are currently on the air, and it's getting more respect as a medium than it ever has before. So why can't we adjust the technology used to measure the true popularity of a show? I'm sure there's something complicated with advertising budgets and whatever, but I'm also positive there are vast informational improvements to be made. Nielson ratings work using a statistical model, but with the amazing technological networks that we have today, why not set up a system where the viewer can digitally submit a record of what they've been watching? Can we set up Hulu so that I know my many viewings of Psych and Castle aren't going unnoticed by the networks? I don't like to feel that I'm betraying a struggling show because I watch it online.

I can already hear the argument against this system: invasion of privacy, Big Brother, yadda yadda yadda. But honestly, do you really care if a robot or a pencil-pusher know that you just spent the weekend watching a Hoarders marathon? I think we're long past the point where you should be embarrassed for watching crap television, once the Real Housewives and Toddlers & Tiaras started to take over our pop culture consciousness. Honestly, I miss the wholesome motives of Rock Of Love - at least they were there for Bret. And imagine the shows that could have been saved (Arrested Development! Firefly! Huge!) if the networks were getting a real count of the people watching.

But I digress. My point is that the system is outdated and in need of some serious redesigning. The American people like to feel that they have a voice, and right now that voice is not being adequately heard. I know that television ratings could be far more accurate...maybe if we fix it than some worthwhile shows will be rescued.

"I'm mad at you. You're still so hot."

Guys, I'm really sorry that it's been so long since my last post. But a long weekend at my parent's house and a necessity to spend the following mornings unpacking and rearranging my room ate up my time. Plus, I've still got to watch all the TV that I love to write about on here and man, that takes some serious dedication. So, for this post we're going to do it bullet-style so I can get out all the random thoughts I've been having - and then get back to watching Community commentary because I'm hoping to have my in-depth Community posts done by Halloween (there is commentary on every episode! Seriously, if you're thinking about a DVD to buy, Community is definitely the most awesome for your buck.). Okay, let's start the show.

- Glee is back - for realsies! After three poorly organized episodes with some very weak (or just plain obnoxious) song choices, they finally brought it this week in "Duets". OMG I love Brittany and Santana and their queerness. I love Kurt and his awesome "Faith Hill" voice rocking the cock out of "Le Jazz Hot". The songs this week were (mostly) perfection - I am already over Sam's aww-shucks Jack Johnson/Mrazziness, but other than that...I actually downloaded some new songs yesterday. I really, really wanted to hear Artie and Brittany sing together, but I also like how they developed their storyline because it made perfect sense for both of their characters. Glee has a problem with consistency of motive and emotion - it can be kind of like Gossip Girl in that regard. But thankfully in "Duets" the writers snapped out of it, realized that no one, on the show or IRL, wants to watch Rachel Berry belt a self-involved ballad at the end of every fucking episode (and OMG, how amazing was that Kurt/Rachel/Judy/Barbra number? Blew my gay little mind.). Taking the focus off of Rachel and Finn a little and making the show more of a true ensemble is a step in the right direction and I hope the writers continue this way. But, let's be honest, they probably won't.

"Think I can't steer left better than you?"

When South Park returns to TV, it's like opening up the cabinet and realizing that your roommate bought you some on-sale Lucky Charms: a wonderful surprise that reminds you that there is good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.

I've never been a big cartoon person; I'll expand on this more when I start talking about kid's TV shows, but for now I'll just say that I've always tended to prefer live-action television. I mean, I looooove The Simpsons, but it took me a while to warm to South Park. I was only 11 when the show premiered and I really just didn't get it and the graphic stuff squicked me out. But when I was 15 and got high for the first time we watched the South Park movie and I really started to enjoy it. I wasn't a regular viewer until I began having weekly TV-watching get-togethers at my friends' house, and now I am a full-on fan.

Here's why: South Park is the most egalitarian and unbiased show on television. It doesn't have any agenda other than to make people laugh and think a little and then laugh some more. I mean, on last night's episode they managed to make fun of: Nascar, Nascar fans, people who think all Nascar fans are stupid rednecks, the fact that Vagisil exists, people who think Vagisil is necessary/useful in any way, men who believe that love is about control, and Butters. That is all just from one episode, but it's indicative of just about any of them. The writers manage to take opposing viewpoints and make both sides look wrong, and they do it in a clever, current, and unexpected way.

god and Glee

All through "Grilled Cheesus" I kept going back and forth: Worst episode ever? Best episode ever? Worst? Best? And I think I settled somewhere on the upside of good.

As soon as Finn came into glee and said he wanted to sing songs celebrating Jesus, I had a flashback to Millie singing "Jesus is just alright with me" in "Beers and Weirs" ("Friday night - always a good night for some Sabbath" I will take any excuse to quote that joke). And I will say that the song selection was spotty. "Only The Good Die Young"? Pretty sweet. Whatever Mercedes sang next? Preachy and bleh. That song from Yentl? Meh, although obviously Lea Michelle killed it. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" cover that sounded exactly like the version from Across The Universe? Fucking What The Fuck. Why would you waste your money on a Beatles song that is weirdly inappropriate and totally sucks all of the authentic emotion you've been building out of the room? It's like they just wanted an excuse to sing that song (and yes, I get all of the hand holding references in the plot, but it all just felt forced). I will say, though, that the kid they got to play Kurt in his flashbacks looked exactly like him. Chris Colfer's little brother? Anyway, that REM song ("Losing My Religion"? I'm too lazy to look it up right now.) was perfect for Finn's voice, I totally dug it. Ditto "Bridge Over Troubled Water", but what's up with the covers of covers? Mercedes eventually found her own way to separate from Aretha's version, but the song clearly borrowed heavily from it. I definitely started to cry when that lady took Kurt's hand, and then the Sue scene really broke me down. Thanks for listening to my plea for More Sue, Less Schue, writers.

For Realsies: SAVE HUGE!

Huge has been cancelled. Give me a moment here.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOO!

Ok, I'm back. Feeling angry, sad, and prescient, but I'm here. Seriously though, the bastards cancelled it, just like I said they would. But thank the Lorde, Jezebel has started a petition to save it. You can sign it here, and even if you haven't had a chance to watch the show yet or don't really care, you should really just sign it because Huge is, no joke, one of the best shows on TV. Plus, you don't even have to enter your email! It'll take you three seconds.

You guys are the best. Much cooler than those idiots (Dwight-voice) running ABC Family.

Image via JessWeiner.com

"I always wanted to be buried with my banjo - and snacks"

I want to talk a little about Weeds.

I started watching Weeds shortly after it premiered; my friends had a giant TV named Biggie, one of those old fashioned stand-alone sets that was, like, 6 feet wide. We were in college, and on the weekends after a long night we would spend the day ensconced on the massive couch, smoking pot and watching Biggie. Does it come as any surprised that Weeds immediately became a favorite?

Nearly everyone can agree that Weeds was great for the first three seasons. It was after all the little boxes burned to the ground and Nancy got way more hardcore that people began to doubt. Not me. In fact, I think the 4th season may be my favorite, what with No Man Is Pudding and the ayahuasca trip and Ignacio and Celia doing drogas. It's kind of like when your favorite band changes up their sound: not everyone will stay fans, but true believers will adapt and appreciate the new direction.

That being said, I think 5th season is probably the weakest. I mean sure, there are bright spots (Cesar and Isabel come to mind), but when you think about it the whole season is basically just "Is Nancy gonna die?" when we all know she won't. Because, c'mon. If she was gonna die she would've died back when U-Turn was around and she was fucking with Armenians and whatnot. I think it's pretty clear that Nancy is immortal when it comes to Weeds.

Not that I expected anything more...

CSI has officially devolved into a simple series of puns. And, apparently, Shark Week references.

If you're having a slow day, you can watch it here.