"People thought I went on vacation but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers."

When Glee started last night with "Jew Fro" interviewing glee club members and asking questions that the blogosphere and critics have all been asking, I was so excited. "Finally," I said to myself, "They really are going to address the criticisms and make the show stronger." And it did start out that way.

Seeing Mr. Schue and Sue Sylvester teaming up together is so enjoyable. But then Will has to be all nice and understanding and not go along with her dog poop cookies gag. LAME. He really is the Tweety Bird to her Sylvester, which is a comparison I'm surprised nobody's made before. He's all tiny and obnoxious and he taunts her and then gets upset when she comes after him. Ugh, I always hated Tweety Bird. "Kids don't like it when I rap?" is a great fucking line, though.

In fact, I didn't really have a problem with anything that happened not involving singing, or the ending of the show (what a letdown after that awesome beginning!). I love seeing Finn and Rachel together, they really do fit well with each other. I loved seeing Quin and Santana fight ("Stop the violence" being my favorite part of that) as it felt really authentic for their characters. I like that Mike Chang is getting more of a character and although I feel bad for Artie, it was brilliant to talk about his desire for abs and football when really all he wants is to be able to walk (*heart breaks*). Also, singing "Getting To Know You" at Asian camp? Made me smile and laugh. "The Asian community is very close." Has a major show ever had three starring Asian actors? I guess Lost did, but I do appreciate Glee's commitment to logical (meaning: not forced or sentimental) diversity.

I'm excited for the new quarterback to start dating Kurt - and get a haircut.

I'm pretty over Coach Biste already. You can have one hardass/masculine/lovable on the inside female coach; two is too much. I get that things needed to get stirred up in a new way for Sue, but I was really hoping her and Will would find a way to drive away The Panther. Maybe I just don't like yelling.

So, now that that's out of the way, we can talk about the music. The biggest criticism that I (and, it seems, many other people) have about the show is the minute they start singing, the sound quality changes completely and it can be so inauthentic as to be off-putting. Take "Empire State of Mind." That shit is autotuned! The great thing about Glee is that they all have such fabulous voices and have zero need to be autotuned - so don't fucking do it! Additionally, I'm tired of them making the songs try to sound as close as possible to the original - one of the things I love about Glee's music is the different take they have on the songs (a la "Dancing With Myself"). I understand the need to market this music in the real world, but they could record less glossy versions of the songs for the show; it would make the great songs and the awesome dialogue blend well together.

Then there's "Telephone" which Rachel and New Girl battle it out in the bathroom. Now, I thought this scene was fun (especially Sue coming in at the end; "Shut the hell up!"), but they couldn't have picked a more exciting song? To me, it's one of Gaga's weakest, and we already had an entire Gaga show at the end of last season. This show needs to step it up with the music choices. Which...

Brings me to "Listen". Now, there is no denying that New Girl can sing (and thankfully, without autotune). But Oh My Lord I simply hate Dreamgirls. The music is sooooooo booooooring and exactly in that vein of overly-dramatic musicals that I just can't stand (and yes, I get that Glee is kind of an overly-dramatic musical in itself, but it also has a snark and campy self-awareness that led me to believe it was better than this goopy triteness). This might just be me, but seriously, I almost fell asleep while she was belting it out last night. I've been realizing, listening to last season's soundtrack, that there are some classic musicals that I can really get behind. Dreamgirls is absolutely not one of them, and if Glee ever covers that fucking "We're a family, like a tree, the tree is growing, booshit booshit booshit" song, I'm gonna be even more upset than I am now.

Oh, I liked "Billionaire". Not sure who sings it originally, but it was fun and lighthearted and showcased Blond Gay Bieber's voice really well. Speaking of him, it was great to have the callback to last season where Mr. Schue discovers Finn in the shower singing classic rock - not only fun, but an awesome reminder of how much Finn has changed and grown.

But then Rachel ends the show with a song that I don't even remember but I know I hate. And it's just...disappointing. I was hoping for an awesome big group number at the end after "Empire State Of Mind" fell flat, and instead I get Rachel singing a song that I'm fairly sure is from Le Miz and going to apologize once again to the group of people that she supposedly loves but constantly screws over. Blehhhhhhhhhhh. If Glee wants to keep people watching who are not big musical theater fans, they're going to have to up the ante, quick, and start producing music that I actually want to go buy. I was all ready to spend a few bucks on iTunes this morning, but...nope.

So step it the fuck up, Glee! The writing is there, but other things need to change if the show is going to keep up its momentum for a second season.

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