Vacation Is Over

Since it's now the weekend after Labor Day, and summer is officially over, it's time for Miss Hedgepiggy to return to the grind.  And man, do I have things to say and opinions to express!  Fall season premieres start this week, although, to be honest, none of the new shows aside from The Mindy Project have me feeling anything other than whelmed.  But I'm very excited for the return of some of my favorites, and to get back to a regular schedule of healthy analytical opinionating.  Here's a list of what I will and won't be watching this fall - new shows, old shows, and shows that weren't good enough last year to make the cut now.

The Mindy Project

If you haven't watched The Mindy Project yet, and you are a functioning human with a brain, vocal cords suitable for laughing, and eyes that enjoy looking at attractive people, YOU ARE MISSING OUT.  The pilot has been up on Hulu for a couple weeks, and I highly recommend it to anyone.  Mindy Kaling!  Chris Messina!  Stephen Tobolowsky!  Richard Schiff!  Bethany from Mad Men!  Penelope from Gossip Girl!  A hot guy with a British accent!  Literally something for everyone.  It's smart and funny and aimed toward women in the same way that New Girl seems to be but is MUCH more interesting and not at all divisive and there are no stupid jokes about the ways that women and men are SO different to each other.  And it has Mindy Kaling, a fantastic actress and writer instead of the grating, dumb, obliviously saccharine star-who-shall-not-be-named of that OTHER show.  Most importantly, it is something NEW and DIFFERENT and it acknowledges the fact that not all funny, smart, and sexy people in the world are skinny white people.  183% MUST WATCH show of the season.  Everything else I could take or leave, but The Mindy Project is a straight-up glass of finely distilled awesome.

Alcatraz!

I feel like Alcatraz should always be pronounced the way that Gob Bluth pronounces Michael's name when he thinks he's escaping to Portugal down ol' South America way: "Michael!"

"We are trying to help you!"

This is gonna be one huge post wherein we discuss the four new shows I managed to watch this week. If I was Zooey Deschanel's character on New Girl, I would probably take this space to sing an annoying little song going all *it's gonna be awesome* in a random squeaky voice. Thankfully, I am not. I am me. So we will proceed with dignity.

New Girl

I did not come to this show expecting it to be anything other than an obnoxious vehicle for Zooey Deschanel's particular Etsy-store-non-brand of obnoxiousness. And it definitely did not disappoint. I mean, even that cast photo just screams, "I AM THE MOST ANNOYING!" I will admit that I found myself laughing a couple times (though I can't remember those times and I didn't take notes and lo siento, I'm not going back to watch it again). But I'm pretty sure those times were all in the first five minutes. From then on it was just your average look-at-the-differences-between-men-and-women-isn't-that-hilarious bullshit. Not even the presence of Hot Cop Leo from Veronica Mars could forgive how dumb and tired this show is. And the singing! OH DEAR LORD STOP SINGING. I don't care if you like her band, the fucking little "I'm awkward" songs are not cute stop singing this show is turning into a Mandy Moore movie circa 2004 except with worse singing just STOP. Also I know exactly where it is going because clearly she's going to fall for the romantic one and then sleep with the sexy one and eff it up and the black one will yell but never really be a romantic interest because it seems like Fox and CBS are reluctant to do interracial relationships, at least between black people and the vast hoardes of white people that populate their scripted shows (Tell me I'm wrong. Mercedes and Sam the white boy were together for about half a second before he had to leave so she could date a big, fat, black dude (nothing against those types of dudes, I am actually really into them, call me, Ruben Studdard!) because we should all only date our own kind. I am literally begging someone to tell me I'm wrong about this). And along the way there will be so much bad singing and so many terrible girls-in-glasses jokes. So, I gave this show a chance and now I am done because heterosexism and racism and just yuck. It really does prove to me how dumb Zooey Deschanel must be IRL because I can't believe she would read this pilot script and be like, "This is definitely going to be my next career move and it will be the best career move anyone has ever made." To sum up: this show should not exist, and you can blame Zooey Deschanel for the fact that it does.

Okay, fine, one Quote

"Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson. ....Tiger Boobs!"

"Yes I Can!"

So I actually don't have that much to say about Glee. It was inoffensive, not especially funny, but wrapped up some of the loose ends from last season and introduced the themes for this one. The problem is I couldn't sum up the energy to care about most of them. My favorite characters were mostly in the background, even Finn. I don't even know why they're trying to get us scared about Sue shutting down the arts or whatever because that is such an unbelievable plot point it is just ridiculous. I get that it's probably supposed to be hyperbolic political satire, but it just isn't really working. So, you know. Quin has pink hair. Santana is already Big Lesbian Bitch (called it). Tina is a junior. Blaine wears dumb sunglasses. Rachel and Kurt are not as great as they thought they were. Bieste is the best. But tragically, Zizes is gone! It was just a so-so episode that even the fun ending of "You Can't Stop The Beat" couldn't inject with any real passion. I mean seriously, you can't do a Hairspray number and stick the fat girl in an ugly-ass t-shirt and motherfucking jeans. I guess I should just not expect too much from this show, then I won't be as disappointed when it inevitably sucks.

Notes & Quotes

"Pithy banter like "Why does the T-Rex eat the Jew?"

"Me And My Hag"

"What about toast? Bread's already been baked, I don't see why you have to cook it again." (BTW I am firmly pro-toast, it is delicious sometimes I eat too much of it covered in blackberry jam.)

"My erotic tattoo of Ryan Seacrest"

"Sue just passed 'Undecided' and 'Anyone White' in the polls"

That flame at the end of "Anything Goes" and Kurt's little yelp

"Gay high-5"

Image via Hollywood Reporter

"See You Next Fall"

I'm so sorry it's been a whole week since my last post. But this is my third job, and the only one I don't get paid for, and it just so happens that my other two jobs are also culminating in these last two weeks of May, meaning that I barely had time to watch all the season finales this week, much less write about them. So - here's another big-ass Sunday morning post, just for you.

How I Met Your Mother

Not a bad episode, overall. Kind of a nothing plot leading up to the so-called cliffhanger, but that's 6th season HIMYM for you. Even Chi McBride and Dave Foley, two of my favorites, couldn't really do anything to help the episode beyond just being in it because the writing wasn't there. I did really like Barney and Robin coming together to keep Ted from getting back together with FJM, but the above picture may be the best thing to come out of the whole episode. I thought the pregnancy reveal was illogical and un-clever - just because you're a television character doesn't mean you would continually return to a restaurant that makes you sick (and Marshall & Ted's favorite pizza joint doesn't count - they were in COLLEGE). If that were true it would make humans dumber than the animals that don't eat monarch butterflies because they look like other, poisonous butterflies. So.

Robin and Barney are going to get together eventually, like I predicted. The problem with this is that it was already a cliffhanger two seasons ago - but then the writers freaked out and had NO IDEA how to handle their relationship and concocted the dumbest breakup story ever. I'm pretty sure that episode was the shark-jumper for me. Oh, sure, there have been great moments since then, but the overall quality of the show has been in decline ever since. The truth is that I can't really get completely behind any CBS show these days - and the new fall lineup doesn't show any improvement (except that new show with Ben Linus! That I will watch). It's just such milquetoast, hypocritical programming - they're afraid to do anything edgy in their comedies, but have gotten progressively more disgusting and disturbing with their crime procedurals. I love Bill Irwin and all (my mom went to clown school with him) but his SEASONS-LONG storyline on CSI has sucked almost all of the fun out of it - though most of the blame should be laid at Laurence Fishbourne's feet. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I miss Numb3rs, and I miss the days when HIMYM felt like it was getting away with something. Now it just feels like a show that comes on before Two And A Half Men reruns that doesn't give NPH nearly enough to do.

My Love For Fringe...

...is like a red, red, rose? Or perhaps it's more like an aquamarine rose that only exists in an alternate universe.

Fringe is a tough show to write about. Yes, part of that is because of the mystery aspect of the show, and my reticence to not give anything away to those who may not have discovered its greatness yet. But it's also because, the way the show is structured, events don't unfold the way they did with, say, Lost. And as the show has matured (and improved), the structure itself has changed.

Fringe started off a little weak. Most of the first season is basically just a paranormal crime procedural, with each episode centering around a different "fringe" event that may or may not have anything to do with the larger story of the season. I know it lost some people around the middle there, but the end of season 1 is definitely worth watching, if only to see the superb Jared Harris (Lane Pryce on Mad Men) being superbly creepy. So, if you're new to Fringe and don't feel like slogging through some of the weaker episodes, my advice is this: watch the first two and the last two episodes of the season. That's all you really need. I do think any show is better if you watch all of it, but here, it's not completely necessary.

The second season of Fringe took the awesomeness of the end of season 1 and ran with it. The strength of the show really lies with the characters at the heart of it and the myriad relationships between Olivia, Peter, and Walter. Given material with more depth and an expectation of growth, Anna Torv, Joshua Jackson, and John Noble consistently deliver performances that are strong, endearing, realistic, and often funny. Humor was another concept that season 2 embraced whole-heartedly, going as far as naming an episode "Brown Betty" after a particularly potent strain of Walter's marijuana. I really love the embracing of weed and hallucinogenics as part of the mythology of Fringe; it's awesome to be able to say, "We're going to pump this character - and ourselves - full of acid and then take a journey through her brain", and have that be a normal day on Fringe.

"Like that's any less gay"

Man, when Glee is good, it's very, very good. I mean we all know that when it's bad, it's horrid, but "Born This Way" really was a step up, even from last week. There was a lot of negative feedback from blogland for "A Night Of Neglect" (still the worst title ever), but not in these parts. Oh, sure, it wasn't the best, had too much Gwyneth and was kind of cobbled together, but I'm grading on a curve and it was a hell of a lot better than most of the episodes this season. Additionally, 1 Steven Tobolowsky + 1 Cheyenne Jackson = 0 Gwyneth Paltrows. Anyway, tonight managed to be even better.

CAVEAT: I am still profoundly angry and irritated the way the writers decided to ignore Santana's possibly bisexuality despite her many occasions of professed sexual attraction for men (go back and watch the Britney episode and tell me she's not hot for Dr. Carl). However, since this show is THE WORST at character consistency and has a proven history of biphobia, I'm just going to suck it up and accept that Santana is now a total 'mo, a full-on Kinsey 6, and hope that maybe they can discover some non-hateful nuance when it comes to Britttany ("I think I might be bi-curious"? ARRRRGH. Bi-sexual. If you like or have liked having sex/being in love with boys AND girls you are what is called bisexual. Just. Say. It.). Moving on to the parts that don't make me want to scream epithets at my computer.

"Let me cut to the sexy chase"

Fuck yeah, Glee! I loved tonight's return to form. Oh, I know it won't last, and I'll be back to bitching about it in a week or two, but "A Night Of Neglect" (terrible title for anything) really was awesome.

Let's start with Mercedes FINALLY getting her due. It took goddamn long enough! But it was great how Zizes inspired her to demand the respect she deserved. More of Team Big Girls, please! But I thought that Rachel schooling Mercedes on Aretha was hella condescending and weird. However, WHO THE FUCK CARES because that rendition of "Ain't No Way" was fanfuckingtastic, one of the best songs the show has ever done, and really just straight up awesome. Although Glee can be infuriating and shitty, they do tend to listen to their audience for very short periods of time, and I know that it wasn't just me complaining about the lack of Mercedes this season. Hopefully she won't be allowed to fade away into the background again. The title of the episode (and benefit) was an interesting but obvious tie in to Mercedes herself being the neglected artist, and I think after that, the characters but also the show as a whole are going to have to give her the respect and recognition she deserves.

Seriously - that song. KILLED it.

"Like I don't have chalk."

"You're my children, and I love you, but you're all terrible at what you do...here."

H. Jon Benjamin has me rethinking the way I feel about cartoons. First came Archer, where he voiced a rather incompetent spy, accompanied by Jessica Walter, Chris Parnell and Aisha Tyler. Now, with the premiere of Bob's Burgers (8:30 Sundays on Fox), he's done it again.

Benjamin plays the title character, and although the additional voice work (especially that done by two of my Flight Of The Conchords favorites, Kristen Schaal and Eugene Mirman) is quite good, Bob is the glue that holds the family and the show together. The writing is sharp, just bordering on offensive - not in the Family Guy way where the mere fact that you're offended is supposed to inspire laughter, but in the good way, where you laugh because it's funny, and then feel slightly guilty afterwards.

But - and it's hard to write about something as ephemeral as a voice - Benjamin's voice is what makes me sure that I'll be tuning in for at least the next few weeks. It's a funny show, but his delivery takes it just beyond funny to classic. It's telling that Benjamin can voice both the smooth, good-looking Archer and Bob, the schlubby father of three, with both characters working to a pitch-perfect degree. It's not just that his voice is mellifluous, which it is, but also that it's got this dry tone to it...I really can't describe it. His voice. Is awesome. And that's all you really need to know.

And, ok, Kristen Schaal is doing some heavy lifting as the precocious youngest child, Louise, but each character does bring something special to the mix. All in all, an extremely strong pilot, and they should be proud of themselves for getting me invested in a cartoon that isn't The Simpsons or South Park. Watch it now!

And if that just whet your appetite for more H. Jon Benjamin, go check out Archer before the new season starts. Last time I checked you could stream them on Netflix...

"I'm not your dead husband, Maw Maw"

I thought I would have more to say after the second episode of Raising Hope, but I don't, really. It's a good comedy - nothing earth-shattering, but original and funny. It's created by Greg Garcia, the dude who created My Name Is Earl, and Raising Hope has a very similar quirky white trash family vibe. My Name Is Earl definitely lost steam (and charm) after the first two seasons, and I could see this show taking a similar trajectory. However, it's enjoyable, it made me laugh, and it's got Cloris Leachman being awesome and hilarious.

And that's it. That's all I've got. I've been hearing and reading a lot of stuff about how awful the new pilot season is, and while I don't completely agree (Running Wilde is steadily improving, por supuesto), for the most part, it is pretty lackluster. Raising Hope has a chance of getting good, but it's going to have to find its audience.

Image via buddytv

FOX Fall Lineup - Getting Warmer...

Wherein we travel through the Tunnel of Love, Indubitably.

Well, after slogging through the $hit at CBS, coming around to Fox is a nice change. Fox is a network that I often forget my favorite shows are on; Fringe especially often feels a little too well-put-together for Fox. But I should give them a break, because three out of four is the best record I've seen all week.

Let's get the bad 'un out of the way.

Lone Star

What is it with all the shows about Texas this season? Texas never interested me before and it sure as hell doesn't interest me now. Con men who aren't James Ford? Pass. Jon Voight? Pass. Add in a generic and lackluster leading man and it looks like a snooze-fest. It's being billed as "one of the most provocative dramas FOX has ever had", but to me it looks less provocative and more like a lame retread of a bunch of other shit.