Real Gay Talk

One of the things that I'm not sure comes across all the time in my writing is the fact that I am always willing to have my mind changed, given there's a compelling reason for it.  I'm an incredibly logic-driven person and while I DO hold strong opinions, when presented with new evidence, I'm always up to revisit and possibly alter the way I feel.  There are plenty of things I've said on this blog that I have since come to look upon differently, but if I were to go back and change each post it would be, not only a pain in the ass, but also dishonest.  So instead, I'm here to explain myself.

Last weekend, a (young, gay, white, male) friend and I were having a conversation about the presentation of queers in the media.  I was talking about how it feels like the only gay people given any sort of representation  lately are white men, and he brought up that he feels like that being a gay woman is more socially acceptable than being a gay man, and because of that it's more important for men to have the media representation in order to make people comfortable with it.  My other (straight, female) friend brought up the point that the only really socially acceptable form of lesbianism is two traditionally attractive women who look like they could be straight having casual sexytimes with each other, usually presented as an object of male fantasy.  She also brought up that the most socially acceptable form of gayness usually comes in the Gay Best Friend role, a role which is almost always so neutered and de-sexualized so as to make him more palatable for the masses. I went on to argue that the gay male perspective currently being presented was so limited (usually young; ALWAYS white) and often offensively stereotypical and that what the queer community REALLY needs is a wide range of characters displaying a wide range of sexualities.

Let's Hear It For The Gays!

Happy Pride, everyone! And happy gay-marriage-is-legal-in-NY! I'm so gonna be dancing my face off tonight. To celebrate, I thought I'd talk about some of my favorite gay television characters. We've still got a long fucking way to go in terms of media portrayal, and I am purposefully ignoring Glee completely on this list - you can go back and read some of my Glee posts if that's what you're interested in, but their characters are so poorly maintained that while I love first season Kurt I kind of hate a lot of second season Kurt and we won't even get into their TERRIBLE track record of biphobia. So. Let's start with a good one.

Alastair/Athena, "Huge"

I have been trying to get everyone I know to watch Huge with me and everyone says, "Yeah, that sounds great," and then we never do. But it is THE BEST, you've just got to start watching and you'll be hooked. Now, not to give too much away, but Alastair is an incredible character. He's super awkward and weird and no one really gets him and he's totally open about finding power in the name Athena and wanting that to be his nickname or whatever and when the jock kid calls him that out of kindness and acceptance you will CRY and if you don't you are made of permafrost. Anyway, what's great about Alastair is that he is pretty much the embodiment of "Questioning". He's totally queer but is still figuring out what that means and even though he may have curiosity about guys he's got it about girls, too and is really just trying to be himself and find the best way to do that. He's not afraid to be genderqueer and embody the feminine along with the masculine and most of all he doesn't want people making assumptions about him based on what they see or hear. Alastair is one of the main reasons why Huge is so great, and probably one of the main reasons it was cancelled, lest teenagers realize it's ok to be whoever they want to be or some other TERRIBLE lesson like that.

I should just end this list now, because it just can't get any better than that.

The Cast Of Will & Grace (minus Grace)

Will & Grace is one of those shows that doesn't really get talked about anymore. I don't think I've mentioned it once in almost a year of this blog. But it really was, for at least the first few seasons, revolutionary, brilliant, and hilarious queer comedy. Sure, there were some issues with stereotypes, but Eric McCormack and Sean Hayes are such great actors that they dealt with those unavoidable roadblocks with grace and dignity. Megan Mullally's pansexual Karen is one of the greatest television characters of all time; they should have ended the show before Harry Connick, Jr came on to ruin everything and created a spin-off called Jack & Karen, because who wouldn't watch that? I remember seeing two men kiss on primetime TV, and how powerful that was for me as a little baby queer with an uncle about to get gay married. I love, love, love Sean Hayes (if you haven't seen Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss, do it NOW) and think he deserves tons of credit for making flamboyance into something more than a limp-wristed caricature and for showing the world that it's ok to be stereotypically & effeminately gay, but that that doesn't mean that's ALL you are. I think it's safe to say that the television world would not be what it is today without Will & Grace.

Chandler & Phoebe, "Friends"

Both totally bi. Like, so bi I've considered writing a dissertation about how bi they are. Really the argument could be made for all of the so-called heteros on Friends, but Chandler and Phoebe are the most obvious about it. I love when Phoebe slips in a sly reference for her love for the ladies and it is totally NBD and that Chandler's queerness just subtly becomes part of who he is.

Talkin' 'Bout Bisexuality On The Internets

More complicated than you might think.

So apparently everyone seems to think that "Sexy" was just awesome, especially when it comes to Brittany/Santana. Now, I don't want to get all preachy, but I wanted to explain a little further about my feelings on their relationship. Here are two comments I left on TLo's post on the episode:

After the really terrible handling of the Blaine/Rachel situation in "Blame It On The Alcohol", Glee continues to marginalize the bisexual/queer experience. Santana's character is instantly changed from Equal Opportunity Bitch to Man-Hating Lesbian. There is zero discussion of sexuality as something fluid that can change with time, or as bisexuality being as simple as believing that love is about a person, not necessarily a gender. Maybe I expect too much from Glee, but I think they've put themselves out there as a positive force in the gay community, and that comes with expectations. I think the perspective of the writers is very limited, which is unsurprising as I have been lead to believe that there aren't many queer women hired on hit tv shows.

Just to be clear, I'm not calling you guys biphobic or anything. I just think you can occasionally suffer from a little short-sightedness when it comes to gay and/or fat women and their particular issues and so sometimes us gay fat women feel the need to put in our two cents. :)

and then, after a few comments talking about how I was blaming TLo, or didn't "really understand" about Santana being a lesbian...:

I thought I was pretty clear about this before, but alas, the internet always requires more clarification than I expect.

I was not blaming TLo for this episode. I was merely pointing out that they often have a limited perspective when it comes to issues relating to queer women, and that's what a comment section is for. :)

And look, I don't have a problem if they want to make Santana into a lesbian (although it's been made explicit that she is sexually attracted to men and just because she doesn't want to date the moon-faced albino rabbit known as Sam doesn't make her 100% gay). What I have a problem with is that we have two characters that the audience has been able to identify as bisexual for some time, and I've been complaining about the writers being afraid to come right out and say, "Brittany's bisexual" for a while. To take one of them from being completely unfeeling to being a sobbing, man-hating mess in one episode does no one any good. What many of you don't seem to get is that while the Santana/Brittany relationship may work for the characters, my real complaint is the squandered opportunity to have an actual conversation about fluid sexuality occurring in pop culture. When do we ever get TV characters talking about sexuality as being on a spectrum? It's always only one way or another, gay or straight, and that's just not how things really are. I don't hate Artie and Brittany together - in fact, I know very much what it's like to be in high school and in love with a boy but sexually attracted to girls. But I see Glee acting as this soapbox for gay boys and here was an opportunity to really talk about bisexuality and not having to put yourself into a box. An off-hand Ani DiFranco reference just doesn't cut it.

And I stand by my argument that a sad Santana is just a terrible idea. They're going to ruin her like they've ruined Sue.

The truth is I used to love this show, but now I don't trust the writers at all. I think Glee is going to go down as having a great first season before being destroyed by money and popularity and a glut of mediocre guest stars.

And one more and then I swear, I'm done:

@Anonymous, that's not it at all. I admitted that the way things played out MAY have worked for the characters. That doesn't mean there aren't other ways that could have worked just as well, if not better. Believe me, I'm one of the biggest advocates for more character consistency, but if Glee is going to be a gay soapbox (and it is), it should be more inclusive. Pop culture representations of sexuality continually present bisexuality as either a myth or a fetish, and I don't understand why my desire to see a representation of something more nuanced has people up in arms. The truth is most of the world is oblivious to the biphobia that is ingrained in both gay and straight cultures, and that's why I'm here railing against this relatively inconsequential instance of it. I am just really tired of being marginalized.

One of the reasons it's so hard to engage in thoughtful discourse about fluid sexuality is because most people simply don't know that much about it. AND THAT'S MY POINT. If more people saw representations of out-and-proud bisexuals in the media, maybe biphobia wouldn't be so rampant. So whether or not you enjoyed seeing Santana emoting, what could have been an opportunity for positive social change and education was completely squandered. And no surprise there, seeing that the Glee writers seem to be really good at squandering opportunities.

Griping About Glee

I just read this over at The A.V. Club and while I don't agree with everything it says, I think the comparisons between Community and Glee raise some really interesting points, mostly on the Glee side.

Let's face it: Glee has become the Justin Bieber of television, long before they made the tragic mistake of doing an actual Justin Bieber episode. What this means is they know they have the ratings, so they've just been doing whatever they can to appeal to their fan base, incorrectly assuming that their fan base is all gay men and teenage girls. What they've lost among their plebian popularity is actual awesomeness and style. More and more each song every week is close enough to the original to be the original (see "Tik Tok" in this week's episode for just one of many, many examples). I'm not sure why this is - I know I'm much more inclined to buy a song if it doesn't sound like the version I already have, or if there's enough of a character's emotion invested in it to make it meaningful. My favorite song from this season is hands-down Kurt and Rachel's rendition of "Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy" because it fulfills both of those criteria. The problem is that Glee is pandering to the lowest common denominator, and when the LCD is 8th graders, quality suffers.

The other real problem that finally became clear for me this week is the unevenness of every episode. "Blame It On The Alcohol" has some parts that I loved (all of the party scene; Schue and Bieste at the bar where I really wanted him to sing "Honky Tonk Women") and some parts I thought were irredeemably awful and offensive. With such glaring inconsistencies it's difficult to judge even just one episode on its own. Critics loved the Valentine's episode, whereas I thought it was weak with some bright spots (namely Santana) and that the whole thing was ruined by stupid Blaine and his terrible rendition of "Silly Love Songs". Random side-note: wouldn't it be funny if they were to do a Moulin Rouge episode with covers of covers? I mean, it'd be hella meta, but could be done well if they really tried.

Speaking of Blaine, let's go back to "Blame It On The Alcohol" and the blatant biphobia therein. To sum up: Blaine and Rachel drunkenly kiss during spin the bottle, and there's a spark there for both of them. They sing a Human League song and I think, "Hmm, maybe I don't hate Blaine after all!" Kurt is depressed and horrified, even more so when Rachel asks Blaine out and he says yes. Blaine admits that he's still questioning and figuring himself out and that it's possible he could be bi. Kurt flippantly says something so offensive I'm reluctant to put it here: "Bisexual is a term that gay guys in high school use when they want to hold hands with girls and feel normal." After that I was ready to head over to Twitter, all up in arms about it, but Blaine's response of telling Kurt that he shouldn't judge him for being who he is was a good one. However, Kurt's characterization of being bi equating a return to the closet was one that I think a lot of gay guys fall back on - that to be bi is to abandon your identity for one that is somehow safer or more normal.