My Favorite Things

I have a problem with "Best Of" lists. I'm not very good at ranking things, and the end of the year always brings these lists where one thing is often ranked above or below a different, almost incomparable thing. Why must I decide which is my absolute favorite? I've been watching a lot of Arrested Development lately, as I am wont to do at this time of year, and I love it so much - but I can't say I love it more or less than something else...I have enough love to go around! Television and I have a polyamorous relationship. So here are my favorite shows, moments, people, and things from 2011, in absolutely no particular order.

"We are trying to help you!"

This is gonna be one huge post wherein we discuss the four new shows I managed to watch this week. If I was Zooey Deschanel's character on New Girl, I would probably take this space to sing an annoying little song going all *it's gonna be awesome* in a random squeaky voice. Thankfully, I am not. I am me. So we will proceed with dignity.

New Girl

I did not come to this show expecting it to be anything other than an obnoxious vehicle for Zooey Deschanel's particular Etsy-store-non-brand of obnoxiousness. And it definitely did not disappoint. I mean, even that cast photo just screams, "I AM THE MOST ANNOYING!" I will admit that I found myself laughing a couple times (though I can't remember those times and I didn't take notes and lo siento, I'm not going back to watch it again). But I'm pretty sure those times were all in the first five minutes. From then on it was just your average look-at-the-differences-between-men-and-women-isn't-that-hilarious bullshit. Not even the presence of Hot Cop Leo from Veronica Mars could forgive how dumb and tired this show is. And the singing! OH DEAR LORD STOP SINGING. I don't care if you like her band, the fucking little "I'm awkward" songs are not cute stop singing this show is turning into a Mandy Moore movie circa 2004 except with worse singing just STOP. Also I know exactly where it is going because clearly she's going to fall for the romantic one and then sleep with the sexy one and eff it up and the black one will yell but never really be a romantic interest because it seems like Fox and CBS are reluctant to do interracial relationships, at least between black people and the vast hoardes of white people that populate their scripted shows (Tell me I'm wrong. Mercedes and Sam the white boy were together for about half a second before he had to leave so she could date a big, fat, black dude (nothing against those types of dudes, I am actually really into them, call me, Ruben Studdard!) because we should all only date our own kind. I am literally begging someone to tell me I'm wrong about this). And along the way there will be so much bad singing and so many terrible girls-in-glasses jokes. So, I gave this show a chance and now I am done because heterosexism and racism and just yuck. It really does prove to me how dumb Zooey Deschanel must be IRL because I can't believe she would read this pilot script and be like, "This is definitely going to be my next career move and it will be the best career move anyone has ever made." To sum up: this show should not exist, and you can blame Zooey Deschanel for the fact that it does.

Okay, fine, one Quote

"Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson. ....Tiger Boobs!"

Emmys, Premieres, And One Blogger's Eternal Struggle

The Emmys are tonight, and Monday marks the real return of real television (The CW's fall season minus Gossip Girl started this week, but we don't count that). This means that, in addition to working, studying, and having a life that involves life-size, tangible people, I've got a shit-ton of shows to watch, recap, and opinionate on. Don't get me wrong; I'm super-excited. But just to give you a sense of what I'm up against here, these are the new shows that are showing up on my Sidereel schedule this week:

How I Met Your Mother

Castle

Glee

Raising Hope

Parenthood

SVU

Up All Night

Modern Family

CSI (on Wednesdays???)

Person Of Interest

The Big Bang Theory

Community

The Office

Parks & Recreation

Archer

Fringe

A Gifted Man

And that doesn't even count the summer shows I'm still watching like The Big C and Project Runway, or the shows that decided to do TWO premiere episodes like the effing Big Bang Theory (it's never the ones you hope for), or the shows that already premiered that I haven't watched yet, like Up All Night and Parenthood. So, you can see that it's gonna take me a little while to get through it all, and that posts will, by necessity, hopefully be somewhat abbreviated. It's actually kind of a good thing that the brand new shows mostly look like crap, because otherwise I'd be completely bogged down. I will do my best to watch everything and post in a timely fashion, but some shows' fall evaluations may have to wait until next week.

Now on to The Emmys. I won't say too much about it because most of my frustrations with the whole Emmy system are expressed in this post, but I will say this: The Emmys are broken. I do not, as of yet, have a solution to the problem of how to get Emmy voters to watch more than one or two episodes of a series, but I'm working on it. The system wherein shows submit their favorite episodes for consideration completely ignores the painstaking and incredible continuity work that goes into a show like Community, and instead rewards those shows who display a complete LACK and DISREGARD for continuity, aka Glee. I'm not surprised Glee got an Emmy nom; there were a couple good episodes this past season (if you ignore the rampant biphobia and absolutely awful and nonsensical character arcs for EVERYONE and focus instead on that one time Gwyneth Paltrow sang a Cee-Lo song), but there is no way it was a better over-all season than Community. Or Episodes. Or Archer. Or any number of fantastic shows that did not receive a nomination. This system of selecting single shows for judgment also totally dis-favors shows like Fringe and Lost that have season- or even series-long plotlines. Now, I know it's silly to rail against something as ultimately meaningless as The Emmys, but it really does make me sad when I see programs and actors that I know are great and deserving because I have watched ALL of their episodes lose to programs and actors that I know are equally undeserving because I have suffered through all or most of their episodes (ugh The Big Bang Theory UGHHH). So here's hoping that tonight will be all about Mad Men (The Best), Parks & Recreation (The Best next to the infuriatingly ROBBED Community), and Louie (also just The Best). Down with Boardwalk Empire (unless the Emmy is for set direction), Glee, and The Big Bang Theory! Give the rightly deserving all that they rightly deserve.

Seriously, though, you do not want to be in my house if Mad Men doesn't win best drama for their spectacular fourth season, because it is an indisputable FACT that everything about that show is meticulously awesome and even Friday Night Lights (which I have heard is great and is the only other nominated drama I will even slightly concede to) doesn't have the total package of top-notch writing and acting and directing and costumes and set direction and lighting and cinematography and EVERYTHING that Mad Men has.

My Glee issues do not extend to Jane Lynch, whom I LOVE, and who I am very excited to see host tonight. I love how the major awards shows just get gayer and gayer every year. Here's hoping for some excellent pantsuits.

Ok, I'm off to get some sun and live some semblance of a life before the season of opinions officially begins. Expect outraged commentary in the morning!