"Rocky Mountain Oysters"

And thus Michael Scott departed from The Office.

It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't The Worst, either. There were a few moments that I genuinely loved, and then there were some that I hated, or didn't understand, or that felt disappointing. Let's start with what was great:

- The cold open. A fun scene that maintained character continuity while hearkening back to some of the best cold opens with Michael and Dwight (mmm, peanut butter head).

- The look Michael had on his face as Deangelo was explaining how he was gonna drill holes in his favorite truck. 

Bob's Burgers Makes Delicious Word Play

Somebody who, unlike me, is able to take awesome screengrabs put together this collection of every burger "special" that Bob's Burgers has featured. I've actually been wanting to do this for a while, but I would also include captures of every failed next-door business (from the title sequence), because those are often just as funny. And much thanks to Videogum for the link and general blogging wonderfulness.

Moral of the story: you should stop complaining about how The Simpsons has gone downhill, and just watch more Bob's Burgers already. It requires no backstory or commitment, except a commitment to making yourself happier by laughing.

Hulu! And places without commercials.

Happy Burger-th day! I am totally craving a Hit Me With Your Best Shallot burger now.

"Like that's any less gay"

Man, when Glee is good, it's very, very good. I mean we all know that when it's bad, it's horrid, but "Born This Way" really was a step up, even from last week. There was a lot of negative feedback from blogland for "A Night Of Neglect" (still the worst title ever), but not in these parts. Oh, sure, it wasn't the best, had too much Gwyneth and was kind of cobbled together, but I'm grading on a curve and it was a hell of a lot better than most of the episodes this season. Additionally, 1 Steven Tobolowsky + 1 Cheyenne Jackson = 0 Gwyneth Paltrows. Anyway, tonight managed to be even better.

CAVEAT: I am still profoundly angry and irritated the way the writers decided to ignore Santana's possibly bisexuality despite her many occasions of professed sexual attraction for men (go back and watch the Britney episode and tell me she's not hot for Dr. Carl). However, since this show is THE WORST at character consistency and has a proven history of biphobia, I'm just going to suck it up and accept that Santana is now a total 'mo, a full-on Kinsey 6, and hope that maybe they can discover some non-hateful nuance when it comes to Britttany ("I think I might be bi-curious"? ARRRRGH. Bi-sexual. If you like or have liked having sex/being in love with boys AND girls you are what is called bisexual. Just. Say. It.). Moving on to the parts that don't make me want to scream epithets at my computer.

Knock, Knock...

Who's at the door? Is it the Ska Boss?

No, you silly!

"Bored!"

30 Rock, you have been surpassed.

I honestly can't understand why anyone at NBC would air that travesty of a flashback episode after the brilliant skewering of the concept that Community did earlier in the night. It was a painful 42 minutes to slog through, and more than once I glanced at the clock to see how much time was left. That's not to say that there weren't some bright spots, but for the most part it fell very, very flat.

Fat Southern Boss is threatening to cancel TGS (which 30 Rock pretty much admits is a terrible fictional show - and, I would argue, even worse than Studio 60) and then there is something with Michael Keaton (WTF? Why? I don't care. Go away, Michael Keaton.) and a gas leak and so people start hallucinating and occasionally there are flashbacks and then those stop for a while and return and in between people are hallucinating because that's what gas does to you, I guess? I know this is a call-back to an earlier episode, there were tons of them here, and none of them particularly successful.

And I suppose the main point of the episode, in between Tracy's credibility issue and Jenna's weird pregnancy whatever, was Liz and Jack wishing that they had never met or some such plotless nonsense. It was really just an excuse to fill time, bring back Dennis, and get Alec Baldwin to be four ridiculous Alec Baldwins. But since I did not buy any of the premises of the show whatsoever, I didn't care about the outcome. And other than a few giggles along the way, it felt like work to watch, and that is never a good thing. Certainly not up to their best (even the flashback scenes they chose were kind of mediocre), but 30 Rock has definitely had an uneven 5th season. However, if you compare the number of quotes from this episode to the multitude from "Bird Internet", the stark discrepancy becomes clear. While other people may mourn the impending end of this show, I celebrate it, because if it goes on for much longer it may just become irredeemably bad.

ALSO, that ending speech of Baldwin's about how no one respects television actors: boo fucking hoo, a-hole. That is the same attitude that put The Fucking Paul Reiser Show on the air. You have a bajillion freaking dollars and opportunities I can only dream of, so don't come bitching to me when your rich white a-hole actor friends laugh at you at the fucking Vanity Fair Oscar Party. CRY ME A GODDAMN RIVER, TIMBERLAKE; you don't get to whine about being an outsider when you are playing a role that has won you multiple awards. OR ARE A FAMOUS AND RICH AND SUCCESSFUL ACTOR. Also, everyone knows that there are plenty of ex-movie stars who are part of the quality resurgence of television; you should be glad you're not Gary Sinise. Just shut the fuck up RIGHT NOW and maybe us poor, struggling liberals won't have to beat you up for making us all seem like whiny twats.

The Saddest Notes & Quotes section ever:

"What if we had a child that was prettier than us? We'd have to leave it in the desert."

"That's a giraffe's name!"

For an episode that managed to give some moments to everyone (even the departed Josh), there was a huge Grizz-and-Dotcom sized hole that they didn't even come close to filling.

***

I'm disappointed, y'all.

It's a locomotive that runs on US!"

Man, there were so many jokes in tonight's Community, "Paradigms Of Human Memory", that I almost don't know where to begin.

Let's start with the concept of this episode, an obvious riff on the classic sitcom flashback trope. For decades this has been an easy way to get through an episode in the late season lull - you construct the loosest of plots, and then use it as an excuse to show clips. The disappointment felt as a viewer when one thinks they are sitting down to a new episode, only to discover it's shit they've already seen before, is something I am quite familiar with. Community, to my delight, made a flashback episode wherein the flashbacks are stories and incidents we've never seen before, like a trip to an old ghost town. So we're given these new glimpses into the the year these characters have had (like Pierce thinking that making an eagle sound will distract Abed enough that he can steal his fries); instead of tired reminders, we get insight. The characters all act true to themselves, but we catch glimpses, like Shirley's sneaky makeup sale, that enhance our perception of them even further.

That is not to say that there aren't references and call-backs galore. The entire "loose plot" revolves around Chang discovering Annie's Boobs' stash in the vents and then Abed is a computer and figures out that Jeff and Britta have been hooking up and the flashbacks begin. We don't only get new settings, we also get continuations of previously-seen scenes, like Halloween or Christmas (it was awesome to see Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas from the others' point of view). Community is one of my favorite kinds of show, the kind (like Arrested Development) that rewards the dedicated viewer while still providing a high level of enjoyment for those who may not have the time to watch every episode twice and pore over details.

"Let me cut to the sexy chase"

Fuck yeah, Glee! I loved tonight's return to form. Oh, I know it won't last, and I'll be back to bitching about it in a week or two, but "A Night Of Neglect" (terrible title for anything) really was awesome.

Let's start with Mercedes FINALLY getting her due. It took goddamn long enough! But it was great how Zizes inspired her to demand the respect she deserved. More of Team Big Girls, please! But I thought that Rachel schooling Mercedes on Aretha was hella condescending and weird. However, WHO THE FUCK CARES because that rendition of "Ain't No Way" was fanfuckingtastic, one of the best songs the show has ever done, and really just straight up awesome. Although Glee can be infuriating and shitty, they do tend to listen to their audience for very short periods of time, and I know that it wasn't just me complaining about the lack of Mercedes this season. Hopefully she won't be allowed to fade away into the background again. The title of the episode (and benefit) was an interesting but obvious tie in to Mercedes herself being the neglected artist, and I think after that, the characters but also the show as a whole are going to have to give her the respect and recognition she deserves.

Seriously - that song. KILLED it.

"Fiddler, Please!"

I know it really shouldn't take me four days to write a recap, but I am only one person and sometimes even bloggers need a weekend. So! I know I should probably say something about Will Ferrell on The Office, but it wasn't my favorite episode; I'll talk about what's going on there more next week. 30 Rock wasn't the worst, but it wasn't the best, so we'll focus on the two comedies that WERE the best this week.

Community

As we near the end of Community's second season, it's fun to look back and see how far the characters have come. Sure, Chang is still crazy...crazy-fun to have around! Annie and Jeff are still in the full throes of "I love you but you're a terrible person and I need to reconcile my love with your terribleness"; Abed is the guru's guru (beause, as we established last episode, Abed doesn't have any need to change); Pierce, cured of his drug addiction, is still an ass, but he's an ass with emotions! Pregnant Shirley is apparently Hilarious Shirley - even though she wasn't in this episode much she had some of the best lines. And then we get to Britta and Troy.

I have to admit I really didn't see their romance coming, but once it showed up I was immediately on board. I've said it before and I'll say it again, but Donald Glover is leading the pack of the new generation of comedians, and I know he's gonna be around for a long-ass time. He's just SO GOOD, and versatile, and HOT, and can do quiet, subtle one-liners just as well as he can do huge physical comedy. In Competetive Wine Tasting, all of these talents were on display. Anyway, romance. In a call-back to last season (I love this show's commitment to continuity!), Britta and Troy take an acting class at the suggestion of Ms. Geist, their dance teacher. Troy, when asked to access a difficult memory from his past, finds he doesn't have any - so he invents a story about his uncle trying "to put his finger in my no-no!" (I prefer "plop-plop", because if a butt is a no-no, what does that make "no-no juice"?!) Since Britta is damaged, she is attracted to broken men because fixing them takes the focus off of her own problems (we never hear what her big traumatic memory is, do we?), and so Troy immediately becomes her object of desire. Hijinx, proclamations, and kisses ensue, but at the end, when Troy apologizes for making up the story, you can see that he does really like Britta and that maybe this relationship would be healthy for both of them. Just like how Jeff and Annie balance out the immorality/prudishness in each other, Britta and Troy could supply each other with some damaged & crazy/undamaged & crazy balance of their own.

I love how unexpected this show is. I love how in one episode we get an entire class on Who's The Boss, a racist Asian girlfriend for Pierce, and a romance that I really never saw coming but I bet, once I rewatch this season, I'll find there were clues all along. While we were all staring at Jeff and Annie, waiting for things to happen, something even better came along. I'm really excited to see where the Britta/Troy storyline goes, and if it can be sustained. Greendale FTW! It's interesting that the best show of the night is the one that airs first.

OMG PROM!!!!!!1!!!!!

In the spirit of Pop Culture Happy Hour, what is making me happy RIGHT NOW are Taylor Berry's Prom Photos. Now, I am sorry, Taylor Berry, for taking your ridiculous prom photos and putting them on the internet, but you should have better Facebook privacy controls.

But seriously, you can't tag my cousin in an album that includes this photo:

and expect me not to say anything. Like, I went to high school with all of those guys, except it was eight years ago.

"I can feel my heartbeat in my eyes"

Yay for Modern Family! This is two episodes in a row that have really stepped it up. "The Musical Man" kept things ridiculous, and with a hearty helping of Luke I'm starting to forget some of the weaker spots of the season's second half. Dinosaur Arms!

Let's see: The Dunphy storyline was kind of about this creepy escort ad that Phil had shrink-wrapped onto their minivan that Haley and Clare were riding around in all day. It was also kind of about Clare feeling insecure as she is aging and wanting to be 19 again so she can go sledding on a stolen cafeteria tray (Been there, done that, it is awesome and you can do it anytime, but really sledding is better with a sled and that is one of the great things about being an adult is you can go buy one)? It was ok, plotwise, but really just a good excuse for some sly jokes and a little more insight into Clare's character. That conversation Phil had on the phone....

The Jay storyline was about his brother Donnie coming to visit and they fight and then there's a predictable illness storyline. But the acting and the actors' chemistry was so great that I pretty much was able to go along with the contrived plot and just enjoy the relationship unfolding. And Gloria got some fabulous lines in along the way. Also, limited Manny AND Manny getting something-blocked by Luke The Magnificent always makes for the best episodes of Modern Family.

But the other show-stealer tonight (besides Luke, who ALWAYS steals the show) was Mitchell (played as always to perfection by Jesse Tyler Ferguson), who had a number of brilliantly-delivered moments that made me laugh out loud and rewind to laugh at again. His GIGANTIC eye roll while Cam is playing his music in the early scene was a quiet but powerfully hilarious tidbit that I missed the first time around. Cam, too, had a number of great lines and faces (his reaction to "Wet dreams" being the most awesome), but tonight was really Mitchell's night. Mitchell has always seemed to have to suffer a lot of Cam's quirkier quirks (although we've seen it the other way 'round, too) but the scene where he bursts outside of the auditorium, unknowingly interrupting Jay and Donnie's bonding moment, and deals with his frustration by having an imaginary outburst at an imaginary Cam is just THE BEST. Sometimes in a relationship you just have to imaginary yell at them and get it out of your system. And then he composes himself. That's love, bitch. Also: "Brava!" Ahahahahaha YES.

Blast From The Past! - Grown-up NKOTB edition

If I haven't made it clear enough here before, I am a child of the 90's. Oh, sure, I was born in 1985, but that meant that about the time I started making coherant memories, it was 1990. And by the time 2001 rolled around I was a modern-pop-culture-eschewing teenager, so I look back on the 90's with much nostalgic fondness. I'm starting this feature called Blast From The Past! (and who knows, we might even talk about the bizarro fluff that is the movie of the same name) so that I can occasionally discuss some wonderful and/or wonderfully terrible relic from this most fruitful of pop eras. Today we're going to begin at the end, in the mystical time known as 1999...

...It is a simpler time. The impeachment hearings are over, and nobody really believes that George W. Bush will ever be president. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire is still a new sensation sweeping the nation. The air by the beach is warm, reminding you that summer is coming soon. In your friend's living room, you take a break from playing Nintendo 64 to watch today's TRL. "All Star" and "Summer Girls" have yet to drop, so today's top ten includes this gross display of grossness:

"That is so gross!" you say, and your friend giggles and agrees and you go back to playing Nintendo.

I'm not sure why I found Jordan Knight's ode to sexing people up disgusting while I revelled in (and still do; I've mastered the rap solo) 5ive's "Baby When The Lights Go Out", but I think it has to to with how earnestly sexual Knight's performance is - an unsurprising fact since he came out and we now know he's a total 'mo and he really doesn't want to give it to me at all. I do love how that entire video is just some bad dancing in a parking lot in front of a ferris wheel that nobody ever rides with a love interest who is sneering at people the entire time. Man, the 90's were so full of win.

"Shut your ass!"

Best episode of The Big Bang Theory this season definitely. Maybe of all time. And I'm gonna say that it is all because of Mayim Bialik and her hilarious portrayal of Amy Farrah Fowler. Amy has breathed new life into Sheldon, and their relationship has consistently been the best part of a particularly weak and sputtering season. "The Herb Garden Germination" put them at the center of all the action, but still allowed space for every character (even Priya, who is a snooze) to be at the top of their game.

"Follow the gossip" is a sitcom trope that has been around for a long time - I'm thinking most notably here of Ross trying to keep Rachel from finding out about the girl from the copy place. But the way TBBT approached it was unique, and truly something that only this particular show could have pulled off. Of course Sheldon and Amy look at gossip from a sociological point of view, and the idea for an experiment was brilliant. At the beginning of the episode, we follow the gossip about Bernadette and Howard from person to person, getting each of their individual responses to it. Then, we follow the scientifically-planted Sheldon and Amy gossip, again from person to person. This culminates in first the scene with Sheldon and Amy in the kitchen, and finally the proposal. The kitchen scene is what makes this episode the best - I'm gonna transcribe it here in full, but you really should go watch it for yourself:

"Bernadette just asked about my sexual encounter with you. The meme has reached full penetration."

"Pun intended?"

"No. Happy accident."

"This is remarkable. Less than 24 hours!"

"I should let you know that she asked for details about our daliance."

"Interesting. So it went beyond the mere fact of coitus to a blow-by-blow, as it were."

"Pun intended?"

"I'm sorry, what pun?"

"Not important. I described your lovemaking as aloof but effective."
"Now I wish you hadn't done that! That's going to make me a chick magnet, and I'm so busy as it is!"

A laugh-out-loud scene delivered with incredible comedic timing by two actors with a great rapport.

RuPaul's Drag Race...Chanté You Stay (In My Heart, Forever)

On my way home today, while walking to get a burrito for dinner, I couldn't get the RuPaul's Drag Race theme song out of my head. The episode was calling to me, but more than that, I was calling out for the episode. RuPaul's Drag Race is the only thing that takes my Tuesdays from ok to !Echa pa lante!, and I often feel physically better inside after watching it. It makes me laugh, and puts a smile on my face, and mostly improves my outlook on the world in general. We'll get to this week's awesomefest, "Jocks In Frocks", in a minute, but I want to expand on RPDR first.

Let's go way back for a minute. I was a young child, 7 or 8, and I had taken to watching some show with the most incredible, inspiring performer. But I was so confused and confounded by it! Finally, I asked my mom: how does that black lady have such amazing, blonde hair? After explaining that it was a wig, she began to teach me about drag queens. When she told me that RuPaul was a man, I didn't connect it with being gay or weird or whatever, I was just jaw-droppingly astonished in that wondrous way only a child could be. I continued to watch RuPaul's show, searching for any hint that she wasn't a biological woman and finding none. I wanted to be RuPaul SO HARD and to magically transform myself into a tall, leggy, black woman with a huge head of curly blonde hair. It is fair to say that I wanted to be RuPaul when I grew up, and that many of my life choices my have been affected by that desire, something that I am just realizing RIGHT NOW. Writing = therapy.

I also watched To Wong Foo about a thousand times in, like, 5th grade, and I was OBSESSED with Noxema's fringe dress, so...yeah. Me and drag queens. We go way back.

I wish I had scanned a copy of the photo I took when I was 15 and visited Madame Tussaud's in New York. The first room is the "celebrity room" and it's supposed to be like, some weird Hollywood party where Patrick Stewart and Martin Short and Goldie Hawn are all talking in a group by a column. But OBVIOUSLY the best part is the first thing you see when you walk in the room which is RuPaul in a sparkly lavender bikini, dripping with rhinestones, wearing a Vegas-dancer feather headdress. Oh, and standing ON TOP OF A HUGE FUCKING FOUNTAIN. Clearly she has continued to make an impression.

Anyway, what all of this backstory tells you is that when you let drag queens into your heart, they become like real-life fairies. They have the magical power to lift your spirits and soothe your soul and turn a bad day into a fierce one. They can teach you about pride and loving yourself and loving others and the power of self-expression. Not to mention what they can teach you about dancing, makeup, lip synching, walking in heels, working it, reading a bitch, and the perfect combination of Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent. RuPaul's Drag Race is, at heart, a joyful show, unlike so much of the reality tv garbage that is just terrible people pulling out each other's weaves and whatnot.

"And THAT is Dallas."

Oh man. One after the other, and I haven't even watched the Pulp Fiction episode of Community yet. But I've got to post while it's fresh in my mind, and tomorrow morning I won't have time.

One of the hallmarks of the best episodes of The Office are two or three storylines that all carry through and bring something great to the table in order to create the perfect blend of drawn-out-joke funny, quippy, and emotional. "Garage Sale" handles all three of these elements with the wit and visual dexterity we all know and love, and turns out yet another great segment in The Final Chapter Of Michael Scott. I want to break down all three of the storylines and then we'll deal with the fun squee! stuff at the end.

"Bird Internet"

Just realized that this is my 101st entry on girl glows green. Huzzah! Let us celebrate the moment by talking about tonight's awesome 30 Rock episode, "Plan B". Regular readers will be glad to know that a very similar celebration of last night's super-great Modern Family is on its way, but for the first time I'm gonna post on things out of order because I haven't had time to rewatch Modern Family but I just watched 30 Rock and it blew me away.

Maybe it's because this season has been so lackluster and filled with stuff that just hasn't worked. But last week's foray into reality TV with "Queen Of Jordan" was tons of fun, if not the comedy powerhouse that "Plan B" was. Even with the episode being unfortunately bookended by traditional "Hungry Hungry Liz" jokes, I was seriously impressed by how effortlessly 30 Rock returned to its classic and most hilarious roots.

"I still think about him in the shower"

Guys, I know I've been slacking. But there is a lot going on in my life right now, including a lot of travel, and it's just hard to keep up. Plus there just hasn't been a whole lot of great TV on lately. I don't think that Monday's episode of How I Met Your Mother qualifies as great, but it was noteworthy and I figured I should talk about it.

Some people may wonder where my love for HIMYM went. Well, to be honest, I'm not really sure. Part of it started with the shift of Barney's sexism from funny and tongue-in-cheek to something to be celebrated. Also - racist? The "Vietnamese shame wheel" joke was neither funny nor at all ok on a show where the only people of color are a cab/limo driver and Wayne Brady. And it was made TWICE. Part of it started when they broke up Robin and Barney because Barney got fat and Robin got...tired? Part of it started when Marshall and Lily's storylines got reduced to baby/dead dad. Part of it started when Jennifer Morrison showed up, but I've come to realize that it's not all her fault, although she should really never, ever try to be funny because those stricken eyes of hers are only good for narrowing to judge Doctors Chase and House and/or widening while birthing Captain Kirk in an alternate universe. But it has gotten beyond Jennifer Morrison.

The truth is that HIMYM has lost its edge. When it was a small sitcom struggling for popularity, there was much more envelope-pushing going on and the comedy was fresh. Now that (with the timely death of Two And A Half Men) it's competing with The Big Bang Theory for the title of the most mediocre sitcomy sitcom on CBS, the comedy is much more middle of the road. It's Jay Leno comedy, designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator. It's lost its intelligence, that unexpected aspect of the show that made you feel like the writers were getting away with putting this edgy comedy on CBS by disguising its jokes with a laugh track. Take the entire premise of the slap bet. Here is a joke that has stretched over multiple seasons, giving the most entertainment payoff to the hardcore fans. Something so weird and unconventional has provided the show with some of its best episodes, and managed to do so without the slapping edging into cruel or violent territory. Great stuff.

"Tina Cohen-Loser"

Ok. Glee and me. We're making it work.

Obviously I wasn't going to stop watching, even if last week was the worst episode ever. A girl's gotta have an informed opinion. And I'm glad I didn't, because this week gave us, if not a great episode, certainly the best in a long time.

First, let's get the songs out of the way. The opening number was, properly, something we've heard a thousand times before from Blaine & The Pips. I thought Kurt's "Blackbird" was beautiful, and I totally understand it triggering Blaine's lightbulb moment. One of the best things about a lot of this episode was they not only played to certain cast members' vocal strengths, but the autotuning for the most part took a back seat. Santana's "Trouty Mouth" and Puck's "Big-Ass Heart" brought some nice comedy (Mercedes' "Hell No" had an obnoxious, oft-repeating catch phrase and too clearly showcased that the ONLY storyline she has had this season revolved around tater tots. So. No.), but like, FOR REALSIES, none of these kids could have written (AND ARRANGED, is that jazz band made up of musical leprechauns or some shit that are always available and know every song ever, even ones just written by a dumb-ass high school student? Way to be way serious on "Trouty Mouth". I'm looking at you, drums.) any of these songs in the time allotted, except for the two sung at regionals. We'll get to that.

I want to say that this episode really delivered on something it's been missing for a while: the heartfelt emotions and moments of pure, helplessly un-hip joy. That being said, the really awful shit that the past few episodes hath wrought (a no-fun, psychopathic Sue; a no-fun, man-hating Santana; too much Blaine) was still there in full force. Sue punched a woman for no discernible reason. In the face. To the ground. Like, what? Moving on, there was thank you oh my dear unbelievable lord in the sky only the tiniest amount of Schue this week. The best was Santana telling him to stop touching her. We really all want you to stop touching anybody at all, Mr. Schue. Oh, that reminds me, the worst was Holly Holliday calling him in the middle of effing class to talk about her yoga retreat. Barf. Wait, sorry, the WORST was him then telling his students that the person he was just being gross with on the phone is another teacher. No.

Detroit 1-8-7: More Than Just Crime And Procedure

Usually I don't talk about crime procedurals on here. There's a simple reason for that: they're all basically the same, following very similar formats with very similar characters. The exception is a show like Psych, which isn't really like any other show out there and deals much more with comedy than the drama of the murders they investigate. The other, more personal reason, is that I am a weirdo. Back in, like, 2005, before I got a handle on my anxiety and insomnia, I would fall asleep on the couch watching reruns of Law & Order on USA. A lot. This lead to Law & Order, and SVU and Criminal Intent in particular, becoming a sort of soporific comfort to me. I know all of the character's voices by heart and it gives my brain something predictable to focus on that isn't my own anxious thoughts. Since then (yeah, six years now) my preferred way of falling asleep is with some sort of crime procedural in the background. Some are better than others (Numb3rs, House [totally a crime procedural but with diseases], Without A Trace, any version of L&O) and the CSIs are pretty useless because of their screaming theme songs and the fact that there will be long, stupid interludes when no one says anything because they're using a mass spectrometer or whatever. This doesn't mean I love all CPs - I hate Bones, tried and failed to get into Hawaii 5-0, and can only stand OG CSI (unless I'm drunk, in which case bring on the Horatio Cane!). But it does mean that I'm more willing to give them a chance to be included in my detective-themed lullaby roster than your average television connoisseur.

Last week a friend requested that I write about Damages and Detroit 1-8-7 on here. Now, I love Damages but going back and watching all of those really intense episodes sounds, well, intense. Sounds like a good project for the summer hiatus months. But I figured, hey, here's a crime procedural I haven't seen - at the very least it might be nice to have something new to fall asleep too. I remember hearing about it back at the beginning of premiere season - it didn't get very good reviews, everyone seemed to think it was pretty boilerplate and then dismissed it. But as it turns out, Detroit 1-8-7 is not only a great CP, it's also a show that's good enough to warrant a post from me.

Talkin' 'Bout Bisexuality On The Internets

More complicated than you might think.

So apparently everyone seems to think that "Sexy" was just awesome, especially when it comes to Brittany/Santana. Now, I don't want to get all preachy, but I wanted to explain a little further about my feelings on their relationship. Here are two comments I left on TLo's post on the episode:

After the really terrible handling of the Blaine/Rachel situation in "Blame It On The Alcohol", Glee continues to marginalize the bisexual/queer experience. Santana's character is instantly changed from Equal Opportunity Bitch to Man-Hating Lesbian. There is zero discussion of sexuality as something fluid that can change with time, or as bisexuality being as simple as believing that love is about a person, not necessarily a gender. Maybe I expect too much from Glee, but I think they've put themselves out there as a positive force in the gay community, and that comes with expectations. I think the perspective of the writers is very limited, which is unsurprising as I have been lead to believe that there aren't many queer women hired on hit tv shows.

Just to be clear, I'm not calling you guys biphobic or anything. I just think you can occasionally suffer from a little short-sightedness when it comes to gay and/or fat women and their particular issues and so sometimes us gay fat women feel the need to put in our two cents. :)

and then, after a few comments talking about how I was blaming TLo, or didn't "really understand" about Santana being a lesbian...:

I thought I was pretty clear about this before, but alas, the internet always requires more clarification than I expect.

I was not blaming TLo for this episode. I was merely pointing out that they often have a limited perspective when it comes to issues relating to queer women, and that's what a comment section is for. :)

And look, I don't have a problem if they want to make Santana into a lesbian (although it's been made explicit that she is sexually attracted to men and just because she doesn't want to date the moon-faced albino rabbit known as Sam doesn't make her 100% gay). What I have a problem with is that we have two characters that the audience has been able to identify as bisexual for some time, and I've been complaining about the writers being afraid to come right out and say, "Brittany's bisexual" for a while. To take one of them from being completely unfeeling to being a sobbing, man-hating mess in one episode does no one any good. What many of you don't seem to get is that while the Santana/Brittany relationship may work for the characters, my real complaint is the squandered opportunity to have an actual conversation about fluid sexuality occurring in pop culture. When do we ever get TV characters talking about sexuality as being on a spectrum? It's always only one way or another, gay or straight, and that's just not how things really are. I don't hate Artie and Brittany together - in fact, I know very much what it's like to be in high school and in love with a boy but sexually attracted to girls. But I see Glee acting as this soapbox for gay boys and here was an opportunity to really talk about bisexuality and not having to put yourself into a box. An off-hand Ani DiFranco reference just doesn't cut it.

And I stand by my argument that a sad Santana is just a terrible idea. They're going to ruin her like they've ruined Sue.

The truth is I used to love this show, but now I don't trust the writers at all. I think Glee is going to go down as having a great first season before being destroyed by money and popularity and a glut of mediocre guest stars.

And one more and then I swear, I'm done:

@Anonymous, that's not it at all. I admitted that the way things played out MAY have worked for the characters. That doesn't mean there aren't other ways that could have worked just as well, if not better. Believe me, I'm one of the biggest advocates for more character consistency, but if Glee is going to be a gay soapbox (and it is), it should be more inclusive. Pop culture representations of sexuality continually present bisexuality as either a myth or a fetish, and I don't understand why my desire to see a representation of something more nuanced has people up in arms. The truth is most of the world is oblivious to the biphobia that is ingrained in both gay and straight cultures, and that's why I'm here railing against this relatively inconsequential instance of it. I am just really tired of being marginalized.

One of the reasons it's so hard to engage in thoughtful discourse about fluid sexuality is because most people simply don't know that much about it. AND THAT'S MY POINT. If more people saw representations of out-and-proud bisexuals in the media, maybe biphobia wouldn't be so rampant. So whether or not you enjoyed seeing Santana emoting, what could have been an opportunity for positive social change and education was completely squandered. And no surprise there, seeing that the Glee writers seem to be really good at squandering opportunities.

"You just got Zized"

Ok, Glee. W. T. F?

Last night I watched Glee with two of my friends. There was me, the jaded critic; Alia, the long-time fan; and Kristen, someone who had only watched a few recent episodes. Three people with three very different perspectives with one thing in common when it comes to Glee: we all really want to like the show. I was especially glad to have the two of them around, then, when "Sexy" started going off the rails and they could assure me it wasn't just me who thought this was the worst, poorly organized, most perplexing episode of the entire series.

Glee has been facing criticism for character consistency since the second season began. The show's writers have responded by removing any lingering ounce of character consistency and instead focusing on picking truly terrible songs to compliment the spectacularly awful and empty plots we have to plod through each week. Some critics have given up yelling into the void and are now defending the lack of consistency, saying, "That's just how Glee is!" But I refuse to give up. I will yell into the void for as long as I have lungs and people continue to stand by this crap. Why? Because I remember what 3/4 of the first season was like. It was inspiring. Uplifting. Joyful. It was not afraid to be uncool, or silly, or flamboyant. It presented an incredibly wide range of music in interesting and beautifully-sung ways. Now the show seems to exist solely to sell iTunes singles. The writers and producers are unconcerned with plot or pure musicality or character development or, well, quality, because they are making a bajillion dollars. And guess what? It shows.

I'm going to try to summarize with bullet points because there is too much to go over and none of it is presented linearly. I haven't read any other bloggers' thoughts about "Sexy", but I don't see how there's any way they can't agree that this is where Glee went off the rails and belly-flopped over that shark.

"It's like trying to follow porn!"

This is just to say that I have so, so much to say about the astounding, shark-jumpingly terrible episode of Glee from last night. BUT one of my best friends is in town and instead of dwelling on the shittiness of "Sexy" we're gonna go eat a delicious breakfast and chill in the botanical gardens. Consider this a place-holder until I get back to my regularly-scheduled snarkiness.

"Are you trying to grow an afro?"

Mr. Sunshine was really en pointe last night. Great enough that I haven't eaten lunch and I need to shower and go to work but I just had to write this post.

Everyone was given a chance to shine in this episode. The A storyline was great, with Ben realizing that he needs to learn his employees' names in order to make them not hate him and do their jobs. I like that there wasn't any threat of firing anyone (except for the overachieving mascot, who has "come up with ways of hydrating that would disgust you") but that Ben realized that learning their names would actually be beneficial to everyone. And once he does (by giving their initials randomly cruel mnemonic devices, AKA Fred Patterson becomes Fat Pumpkin) he finds that he actually enjoys connecting with people. That happy feeling doesn't last long, however, since Roman gets distracted and, in my favorite moment of the night, turns up the giant fan to belt out Cher's "Believe" into and accidentally blows the name cards out over the arena where the workers find them. Anger and hilarity ensues. There were some great chances for Jorge Garcia to shine (I'm assuming he's doing guest spots here while waiting for Alcatraz to start filming full-time) including the tag. The show does an excellent job of humanizing the narcissistic, misanthropic Ben, and while I know he's not going to become a total softy he's already more of a person and less of a caricature.

Meanwhile in the B story line, they finally gave Andrea Anders something to do and she knocks it out of the park while looking really effing hot (and skinny blonde is so not my type). Crystal has a new boyfriend named Darius Washington whom she assumes Alonzo will know because they're both "brothers". It's much more funny to watch it all unfold and to see the tension ratchet up, so I'll let you watch it yourself, but suffice to say there is some hard-hitting comedy going on here.

Mr. Sunshine is a classic sitcom, but not in the tired CBS style. It doesn't go as far as Community in terms of mixing things up, but it lets the characters play off each other with fabulous results. Even if the storylines may be somewhat tired, Mr. Sunshine finds a way to showcase them from a fresh perspective. I am keeping my fingers crossed extra-hard in the hope that it gets picked up for a second season.

Notes & Quotes:

"You're not black."

"Well, I could've been! My mom was very progressive in her 20s."

Seriously, even if you don't watch anything else, you should watch Roman autotuning himself with the giant fan.

"Because of your ridiculous flash card scheme it's hot again and I look like Art Garfunkel."

"This is San Diego - they made the library out of conches!"

"Benjamin, you're a preening, self-centered narcissist and your socks are too design-y. What's with all the stripes? You're not Beetlejuice, you're a human man!"

The evolution of Crystal's hair is both hilarious and highly believable (unlike Monica in Barbados, which is hilarious and highly unbelievable (it doesn't get humid in NYC?) but ends in the pay-off of her "sexy" braids, which I love. /endparantheticalFriendsreference)

"Oh, good. I don't have kids or a wife. I'm gonna get drunk and race go-carts."

And with that, I'm gonna go get drunk and race go-carts. Oops...I mean go play cards with 5th graders.

Discussion Points!

I'm just gonna write a little about some random stuff that is too short to warrant a full post but that I want to muse upon anyway.

Firstly, Charlie Sheen. When I wrote this post way back in October I had no idea that things were going to get as bad as they've gotten with him. However, I agree with some of the complaints that I've been hearing...along the lines of "So it's ok for Charlie Sheen to be violent with women and go on destructive coke-fueled benders but threatening the creator of his shitty show is over the line?" What CBS has done is given terrible, often illegal behavior a pass, finally drawing the line at him saying awful things about Chuck Lorre. I'm not saying the things he said weren't awful. I'm just saying he's done a hell of a lot worse things in just the past year, and it

would've been nice if someone in charge had done something about it before now. In addition, why Charlie Sheen picked now to join Twitter is beyond me, but regardless of whether there are drugs involved in his insane behavior (and I'm fairly sure there are) this is an excellent example of why I don't want to be famous. Seriously - let's teach our kids that this is not an aspirational goal. Is there an opposite of aspirational? Because I think that's Charlie Sheen.

Griping About Glee

I just read this over at The A.V. Club and while I don't agree with everything it says, I think the comparisons between Community and Glee raise some really interesting points, mostly on the Glee side.

Let's face it: Glee has become the Justin Bieber of television, long before they made the tragic mistake of doing an actual Justin Bieber episode. What this means is they know they have the ratings, so they've just been doing whatever they can to appeal to their fan base, incorrectly assuming that their fan base is all gay men and teenage girls. What they've lost among their plebian popularity is actual awesomeness and style. More and more each song every week is close enough to the original to be the original (see "Tik Tok" in this week's episode for just one of many, many examples). I'm not sure why this is - I know I'm much more inclined to buy a song if it doesn't sound like the version I already have, or if there's enough of a character's emotion invested in it to make it meaningful. My favorite song from this season is hands-down Kurt and Rachel's rendition of "Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy" because it fulfills both of those criteria. The problem is that Glee is pandering to the lowest common denominator, and when the LCD is 8th graders, quality suffers.

The other real problem that finally became clear for me this week is the unevenness of every episode. "Blame It On The Alcohol" has some parts that I loved (all of the party scene; Schue and Bieste at the bar where I really wanted him to sing "Honky Tonk Women") and some parts I thought were irredeemably awful and offensive. With such glaring inconsistencies it's difficult to judge even just one episode on its own. Critics loved the Valentine's episode, whereas I thought it was weak with some bright spots (namely Santana) and that the whole thing was ruined by stupid Blaine and his terrible rendition of "Silly Love Songs". Random side-note: wouldn't it be funny if they were to do a Moulin Rouge episode with covers of covers? I mean, it'd be hella meta, but could be done well if they really tried.

Speaking of Blaine, let's go back to "Blame It On The Alcohol" and the blatant biphobia therein. To sum up: Blaine and Rachel drunkenly kiss during spin the bottle, and there's a spark there for both of them. They sing a Human League song and I think, "Hmm, maybe I don't hate Blaine after all!" Kurt is depressed and horrified, even more so when Rachel asks Blaine out and he says yes. Blaine admits that he's still questioning and figuring himself out and that it's possible he could be bi. Kurt flippantly says something so offensive I'm reluctant to put it here: "Bisexual is a term that gay guys in high school use when they want to hold hands with girls and feel normal." After that I was ready to head over to Twitter, all up in arms about it, but Blaine's response of telling Kurt that he shouldn't judge him for being who he is was a good one. However, Kurt's characterization of being bi equating a return to the closet was one that I think a lot of gay guys fall back on - that to be bi is to abandon your identity for one that is somehow safer or more normal.

"I know you guys love some A. Wang!"

I don't usually write about reality TV. The truth is I don't watch that much of it (Top Chef, RuPaul's Drag Race, ANTM, The Fashion Show) on a regular basis - I like the competitive shows way more than faux-life shows like The Real Housewives. Those shows would be much more interesting to watch if I could actually hear most of what they're saying, but all the most interesting, crucial parts get bleeped and that is just boring. But really, if I was going to write about anything right now, it should probably be RPDR, the best reality show of all time. But I'd like to save my gushing over amazing, fabulous drag queens (and Sutan, whose Tyra impersonation looked a whole lot like the above picture) for once we get closer to the Drag Race finale.

Now, normally I leave all ANTM blogging to Rich at fourfour. But I just found out (literally, just now when I went there to get the link) that he is not doing his famed recaps anymore. I am heartbroken. It's almost the entire reason I read his blog at all, I mean...I like some of his other posts but when he gets into music reviewing I'm just like zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. And the gifs! Oh, how the gifs will be missed. But really I think that someone needs to call Tyra on her megalomanaical shit, so, for at least this first episode, that's what I'm gonna do.

From the beginning, Tyra is clear that the theme of this season is making girls cry. Not that that hasn't been the theme of every season, but this year it's explicit - because the fashion industry is mean, panel is allowed to be as cruel and hope-crushing as possible. This starts at casting, where the 14 finalists are tricked into thinking that they've been eliminated. I could see how that would suck until they find out they're in the house, but HOW MUCH WORSE is it for the girls who were told that they were continuing and allowed themselves to be happy about it and then walked of with the Jays and were told it was all a trick and Tyra didn't love them? So much worse. Everything on this show is about Tyra, in case you've forgotten in the few months since Ann won.

Speaking of Ann, how tragic is it that we have to look at that god-awful Cover Girl photo of hers every week? I'm still pissed they didn't give it to Kayla.

"More fish for Kunta!"

Oh my gosh there is just so much to talk about! WARNING: if you haven't watched last night's comedies, be aware that there are spoilers ahead. Now, onwards!

Community

Can I start by saying LEVAR MOTHERFUCKING BURTON was in the Community house last night?! What up! It was awesome. And I loved Troy's reaction ("You can't disappoint a picture!") because I often feel the same way about my cinematic idols. I would much rather simply believe that they would think I'm awesome and we would get along fabulously and become best friends than be faced with the reality of having to tell, say, Donald Glover just how amazing and hilarious (not to mention sexy) I think he is. But I would definitely sing the Reading Rainbow song with Levar if faced with the opportunity.

Even the parts without Levar were super-great. I loved the Abed take on the documentary/sitcom format, an especially ballsy move seeing that there are two other mockumentary shows that come on right after Community. But they're totally right that it is really easy to advance plot when you can just explain what's going on, and Community should get props for turning out a hilarious, inventive, often plot-driven episode each week without the crutch of talking-heads. Not that I mind talking-head sitcoms...

But what they also did well is one of the hallmarks of a great Community episode: laugh-out-loud comedy combined with real-life, often heartbreaking/warming/wrenching moments. Pierce is in the hospital because he overdosed on pills, after all. Jeff absolutely has daddy-issues, that's for sure. It showed how well Pierce knows all of them while at the same time addressing everybody's insecurities. Annie finds something to learn even when there's no lesson. I thought it was great to have Abed behind the camera for this one because that's where his character belongs - Abed knows himself well enough that Pierce wouldn't be able to manipulate him the way he did the others. And I loved that they followed through with the beating that was neither mad-cap nor wacky - it was real. For all of the crazy, imaginative stuff Community does, their characters are ultimately grounded in reality, and that's what makes them so lovable, relatable, and hilarious. It's funny 'cause it's true, after all.

Notes & Quotes

"My third wish would be a million wishes...but I would just use them all on a million signed photos of actor Levar Burton."

"Oh, that's cool...really hurtful and cool"

I have high hopes for Mr. Sunshine. What I didn't realize the last time I wrote about it is that the show was created and produced and at least partly written by Matthew Perry. No wonder the show is so perfect for him! It was literally created by and for him and plays precisely to his dry sense of humor and wry delivery that I've loved so much in Matthew Perry for years.

And the work really shows! Ben already has all of my sympathy, Crystal is a miracle, and the pace of the show makes me feel like I've been watching it forever. I want to watch all the episodes right in a row! But I'll be content to wait and watch at a normal pace, I suppose. There are classic sitcom mishaps, but somehow it feels fresh and new - several opportunities for lazy, traditional punchlines were passed over in favor of new, much funnier jokes.

Besides the fact that the show is great, the writing is inventive, and the cast doesn't have a bad note in the bunch (more Kathy Najimy please!), Mr. Sunshine is gonna be around for a while for two other simple reasons. One is that it is lucky enough to have Modern Family as a lead-in and I know that the show will appeal to a similar audience. The second is what I realized with tonight's (surprisingly hilarious) guest appearance by Nick Jonas - because of the setting at a giant stadium it provides countless opportunities for rating-drawing guest stars that can effortlessly show up for an episode and then leave. In so many other shows those guest appearances can feel kind of forced (Jack Black on Community, I'm looking at you), but this show is tailor-made for some great guest stars. And guest stars mean ratings, which means money, which means longevity for the show. Hurrah!

Seriously though, you really should watch it. Quite, quite hilarious and totally demonstrative of the awesome rebirth of network comedy on channels other than CBS.

Notes & Quotes

"In the same spirit that drove America to defeat all those lazy countries and win the Statue of Liberty...we're having a contest!"

"She lights people on fire and then they burn up."

"A giant Churro cake? Mama says wow!"

You know YOU want a giant Churro cake.

"'Dance, Dance, Dance...Dance' - that actually made me want to dance!"

"Oh good, 'cause that was the intention."

"Well, Benjamin, I'm off to the mysterious life I lead outside this place."

I love the running gag with the mascot. I loved it last week, I love it now.

And I won't ruin the Larry King joke for you. Just go watch the show.

"Mis-ter Sun-shine, yay."

An Open and Honest Love Letter to Louis C.K.

Dear Louis,

This is just to say I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox that you were probably saving...ha ha, just kidding, I'd never send you that bitchy William Carlos Williams poem, although it would most likely make you laugh. No, instead I'm going to tell you just how impossible it is for a girl like me to not fall a little in love when a man like you makes a mostly fictional television show about his life.

To begin with, let me just say that I don't do red-haired men (or "ginger fucks", as Ricky Gervais might call them). This is probably due to a combination of having a platonic redheaded male best friend and having seen that scene in She's All That where the dude puts his ginger pubes on the pizza and then eats them too many times, but whatever the reasons are, pale dudes with red hair never, ever did it for me. Until you, Louis. Until you.

This is not to say that you're an especially "conventionally" attractive guy, but you're unique and funny and those two things combined are enough to get my loins a-warming. I am attracted to unconventionality. Being self-deprecating and, for the most part, shameless in no way hurt your chances with me. And then you had to go and make an awesome TV show and any hope of saving myself from this ginger-hued path I'm heading down disappeared.

"It rubbed off...from friction."

Ok, I just watched an insane amount of TV in like, two days. As a result, I have a lot I want to say but the organization of my brain isn't working too well, so I'm just going to start wherever it wants and will probably end up with a super long and slightly discombobulated post. Stick with me, kids.

Mr. Sunshine

How often is it that a pilot episode surprises you by being miles better than you thought it was when you already thought it was going to be awesome? Not very. Mr. Sunshine brought it SO UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY to the table that I cannot wait for the next episode. Allison Janney is a comedy goddess and a dream come true; she should honestly share top billing on the show. Matthew Perry is a master of acerbic wit and Mr. Sunshine was tailor-made to cater to his strengths - even the theme song reminds me of him. And somebody must have known that I'd be watching to include the brilliant and fabulous Jorge Garcia cameo, even if he is only around for one episode. I would highly recommend this show to anyone who has ever enjoyed Friends, Studio 60, Allison Janney in 10 Things I Hate About You, or has ever been to San Diego. You can find plenty of links here at my new favorite TV streaming site, Project Free TV.

Archer

I was planning on writing a long Archer post the morning my computer died, but it probably boils down to "Archer is hilarious. If you like Arrested Development or South Park or Adult Swim, you will love Archer." So watch it - it's a much better way to get your Jessica Walter fix than that painful guest role she had on The Big Bang Theory this week, and sometimes Jeffrey Tambor shows up as well! You can even watch them out of order, it doesn't really matter, although starting from the beginning will give you a better idea of why they treat Pam like crap or why Cyril is such a douche. Oh, and H. Jon Benjamin gives me a susan. If you're as enchanted by his mellifluous voice as I am and want to see what he looks like in person, you can watch the episode of Parks And Recreation where Leslie fills in the pit and Andy ends up in the hospital; Benjamin is the city lawyer.

We're Back!

Matthew Perry and me, that is. Sorry for the insanely long absence - I was on vacation and my hard drive started malfunctioning so my only means of watching and then writing about TV has been in the shop. But now my laptop and I are happily reunited and I can get back into the swing of things.

Starting tonight! I've got so much TV to catch up on, but am supremely excited for tonight's premiere of Mr. Sunshine. Sure, it's an ABC comedy which means that it'll have some flaws, but it looks hilarious. Not only because of Matthew Perry and that incredibly handsome black man who's going to be giving Perry a run for his money in the joke-delivery department, but also because of Allison Janney who is so fucking funny when she's being funny that the role seems like it might have been written for her. Here's the preview, check it out tonight, and then tune in again next week because, let's face it, pilots are always kind of mediocre, unless they're from Arrested Development or Glee.

And check back soon for more! I've had a lot of potential ideas to think about during my internet blackout so there should be lots coming.