GGG Is Officially Team "The Hunger Games"

So I feel like I should let you guys know that I am officially a huge Hunger Games nerd. This week I read Catching Fire and then Mockingjay in literally a day and a half. I mean, finally there's a young person trend I can get with! Something that involves archery and political dystopian sci-fi instead of vampires! And a heroine who has a personality and is interesting and complicated and deals with actual scary problems instead of just a mopey sullen generic blob with too many boyfriends.

Seriously though, the books are well-written, gripping, and, unlike some other YA trilogies I could mention (cough His Dark Materials cough), the series ends on an entirely satisfactory and well-earned note. For those of you who, like me, are feeling the Harry Potter void now that the last part of the last movie of the last book is finally out, you should start reading The Hunger Games RIGHT NOW because OMG you will instantly feel much less empty and your nerdy sadness will start to dissipate. Weirdly, I don't know anyone else who has read the books (or at least anybody who's mentioned them to me), and my friends are, aside from 14-year-olds, definitely the key demographic here (politically-disillusioned twentysomethings trying to evade the grasp of real adulthood for as long as possible). So for starters, that's my recommendation. Go read the books! I already want to read them again but will have to get back into the MASSIVE hold lines at the library.

Secondly, and I know I am RATHER late to the game but whatever, I am poor and get books from the library and that entitles me to belated opinion posts, but the casting for the movie looks great, y/y? I have never seen Jennifer Lawrence in anything but she is hot and bad-ass and looks the part in the pictures I've seen. Josh Hutchinson is great, adorable, and very Peeta. Thor (with the muscles toned down so as to account for a starvation-based economy) as Gale, yes, great. Donald Sutherland as President Snow, of course, obviously. At first I was like, Woody Harrelson? But then realized he looked exactly like the Haymitch in my head, albeit a little taller. Elizabeth Banks, Stanley Tucci, Wes Bentley, yes, yes, yes. The only name that really made me go HUH? was Lenny Kravitz. I mean, I know he's coming off his breathtaking turn as The Only Attractive And Nice Man in Precious, but I feel like Cinna is a key role that has a lot of unspoken feeling and nuance to it and I hope the pretty boy is up to the challenge. Lenny Kravitz. Ha.

Why I'm Quitting Weed(s)

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nancy. I just can't do it anymore (is what I wish Andy was saying in this picture).

I have tried, really I have, to recap these past two episodes. But I just don't have it in me any more. Nancy has always been a character with a lot of flaws and things to dislike about her, but over the seasons she has maintained an aura of charisma that helps the audience to understand why people keep doing things for her, keep falling in love with her, and why, against all rationality, she has not yet been murdered. That charisma or whatever it was is now gone. In its place is the human embodiment of selfishness walking around on two skinny little legs.

All Nancy does is bring bad shit to those around her. It has been so sad to watch Andy with his dreams of legitimacy and of establishing a life for himself outside of Nancy's sphere of control just get completely fucked over. I'm tired of her being able to fuck her way out of any situation. I'm tired of her being, as my friend Michaela put it, just "a doe-eyed vagina". She treats everyone in her life terribly, using them for personal gain at every opportunity, and there's no redeeming aspect left to her. Sure, her sister is awful, but is the audience really supposed to want Nancy to get her third kid back when she continues to use and abuse the two she already has? When Weeds started out, yes, she was doing something bad and yes, there were unlikable aspects of her character, but she was fighting against the white suburban system of privilege or whatever and she had a dead husband and kids to feed and it was easy to root for her. Since they left Agrestic her motivation for dealing has become her addiction to danger and dangerous men and that is just UGH. Andy, who is The Best and who singlehandedly saved season 4, is just sad to watch now. Weeds missed an opportunity to get them together and have it be passionate and hilarious, and now the only thing I want for Andy is for him to successfully extricate himself from Nancy's life forever.

"You weren't even in Time Bandits!"

I've been hearing some rumblings lately about how Ricky Gervais has lost his game. Now, Gervais has always walked a somewhat tenuous line with me - it took a few years' time and a second viewing of The Office for me to really come around - but I don't think you can deny that the man can be hilarious, even if his Simon Cowell uniform is quite laughable in a different way. Additionally, I think he's been really smart about the way he's handled things since Extras ended - after making smart choices like casting Louis C.K. in The Invention Of Lying, Gervais has let the spotlight shine on smaller characters, and used his forceful personality to drive the comedy from these supporting roles.

Larry Sanders, Late-Night, & The Greatness Of Rip Torn

I know everyone has been waiting with baited anticipation for my post on The Larry Sanders Show (haha, just kidding, I think I know like one other person who has even seen any of it), so here goes! Wait no longer, friend.

The Larry Sanders Show starred Garry Shandling as a late-night talk show host, and ran from 1992-1998 (yes, my Wikipedia bookmark works!). It covered the filming of the show but was mostly about backstage details and Larry's life. He has a sidekick, Hank, played to creepy D-list perfection by Jeffrey Tambor, and a producer/hetero life partner named Artie, played by the brilliant and inimitable Rip Torn. The celebrities that show up on Larry Sanders are too vast to mention, but the regular cast includes plenty of familiar faces (Janeane Garofolo, Jeremy Piven, Wallace Langham, Mary Lynn Rajskub). The Larry Sanders Show was also where a lot of big behind-the-scenes names built their resumes, including Judd Apatow and Steve Levitan. This is just to show you that in terms of comedy quality, this show isn't essing around.

Larry Sanders was the original Entourage. In fact, it's a lot like Entourage except without the homophobia and the boobs and the terribleness and the (mostly useless unless adorable counts as useful) Turtle. You've got Vince (Larry), E (Artie), and Drama (Hank). There's even a perfect asshole Ari-ish agent played by Bob Odenkirk. What I mean by this is that the show deals very heavily with the showbiz machine (and television and handling the networks in particular), what it's like being a celebrity and having relationships (be they work or friend or romantic, with regular people and with other celebrities), and with the immense amount of ego coddling that can go into being the person who does the least amount of work with the most amount of benefit. Entourage has covered all of these topics (substitute "network" for "movie studio"), but the problem with that show is that, even when it was good, it felt too much like an inside joke. Also, sometimes the entire plot hinges on "Will someone get some really special, expensive thing/vacation/pussy?" and that is boring and no, not aspirational. I would rather see a celebrity pretend to have been to rehab in order to get out of being embarrassed and then develop an actual addiction and have to be guided through detox by Roseanne any day.

"Sometimes goodness attracts its own temptations"

At first I thought Luther was a show about Martin Luther, in the vein of The Tudors or The Borgias (Man, I watched an episode and a half of The Borgias, that shit was AWFUL. No offense, Jeremy Irons, but you are terrible in pretty much everything except The Lion King. Actually, offense.). So how pleasantly surprised was I to learn that it is nothing of the sort, but instead an incredibly intense but awesome crime procedural starring Idris Elba as a mentally unstable DCI named John Luther? Quite pleasantly, I can assure you. Now Luther quite clearly owes a lot to Vincent D'Onofrio's Detective Bobby Goran on Law & Order: Criminal Intent (which sadly just ended its 10-season-long run with quiet, understated elegance and some great guest stars); they both have mental health and anger issues and they both have a strange, quasi-sexual relationship with female sociopaths. But since Luther is Luther and Bobby's story was part of a Law & Order franchise, much more weight is given to John Luther's personal life and motivations.

The series opens with Luther allowing a serial killer and pedophile to fall to his death. However, he doesn't die, and his coma hangs like a threat over the show. Seven months pass and soon we learn that Luther's part in the fall has been seriously questioned but found to be ok or by the book or whatever, and that he is estranged from his wife, whom he loves passionately. And that's all I'm going to give away. This is a show that builds, sometimes delicately and sometimes quickly and furiously, but there is always an emotional payoff, even if it isn't quite where you think it'll be.

The crimes they work on are usually incredibly violent and gory. The first episode has about five scenes where we are shown a dog with its face shot off, which is five scenes over my threshold for seeing murdered dogs; but the violence isn't gratuitous, it is used carefully to provoke your emotions or to further the story. Yes, sometimes I have to hide my face in my hands, but the rest of the show makes it totally worth it. The crimes take unexpected turns, and often say more about the detectives solving them than about the criminals themselves. And we are constantly reminded of Luther's own murderous impulse and left to guess as to what his exact capacity for violence is. However, even when beating a door to splinters in his ex-wife's home, Luther remains a sympathetic character.

"Involuntary dumb-assery?"

It's so nice to remember that Weeds does have a memory, and a pretty good one at that. I didn't do last week's recap because it was basically blah blah Wall Street bullshit blah blah HEYLIA! So there you go, recap managed. This week opened right where last week left off, with Heylia shooting at Nancy and Silas who have managed to obtain a detailed map of where her Humboldt pot farm is? From Conrad? On Facebook? Yup. Ok. Good luck with that but you probably won't need it because I'm sure that in real life it is super easy to navigate the complex and dangerous not to mention completely off-grid and backwoods-folk-riddled areas of Humboldt where people grow massive amounts of weed. Just kidding that is absolutely not true have fun dying because people will shoot at you even if you aren't the white bitch who drove them out of town. ANYways, then Dean is there, and there is something romantic and then there isn't and then there IS, with some adorable hand-holding at the end, but mostly Dean is just there because he is the Turtle and so he does some Turtley, Deany-type things, but first somehow he gets Heylia to put down the gun (and hatchet) and invite the crazy white people in.

Lauren On Conan

So Monday I went on my grand Conan adventure.

I picked up my friend Matt, a comedian and USC grad who writes this awesome blog which you should all be reading, and we headed over to the Warner Bros studio in Burbank. We parked and then went down to the check-in area, which was on the ground floor of the parking structure. "That sucks," you might be saying, but it was shady, with cold water to drink and bathrooms and benches and even a smoking area out back for those so inclined. When we arrived we were given a number (18), so we didn't have to stay in a line or anything and Matt and I, after a failed attempt to walk to Forest Lawn Cemetary, hung out and shot the shit talking television and comedy and LA life for a few hours until it was time to go to the studio.

As we lined up in order and started walking two-by-two, the pages kept calling out "Team Coco, stay to the right!", which I thought was a fun touch. We weren't just there to fill seats and applaud when prompted or to be on Lopez Tonight, we were on a team and we were fighting for something! What were we fighting for? I'm not sure. Conan's right to be awesome and hilarious, perhaps? Sure. Let's go with that. Anyway, Team Coco was herded past a bunch of Star Waggons (that is how it is spelled) and into another waiting pen, where we chilled for about 15 minutes before being led past the stage where The Big Bang Theory is filmed and into stage 20-something. The first thing I noticed, besides a giant, upside-down Quaker Oats canister, was the security guard who looked like Andy Richter crossed with the crazy Quaid brother (...Randy?). I don't know if he's Andy's brother or if they hired him because it'd be funny, but either way...it was funny. Then we were led into the studio.

!Feliz Cumpleaños A Mi!

Today is the one year anniversary of girl glows green. I really should be getting to bed soon, because unlike last summer when I was spending all day getting stoned in my sublet and watching 21 Jumpstreet and had ample time to write blog posts, this summer I actually have what one might call "a life", as well as "a job", and "vacation time". Which basically translates to "I've been having an awesome summer", but that doesn't mean that I don't wish I had the time to write everything I've been wanting to write whenever I'm inspired to.

Am I supposed to say something meaningful to mark this occasion? Sure, why not. I have watched a lot of television over the year. Below you'll find the updated version of The List, a comprehensive catalog of every TV show I've watched the entirety of (not every show I've only seen once or twice, that list would be insanely long and equally boring). But I love doing it. Of course, not every show is The Best, but usually moments of brilliance can be found in anything, even if it's as pedantic as Wings or The Big Bang Theory or Ice Loves Coco. And as much as I love watching television, I love writing about it almost as much. This blog has inspired me to finally get off my ass and figure out what I want to do about grad school, and it turns out what I want to do is get a Masters in Critical Media Studies. Hopefully I can also take some classes that will teach me how to do more on the internet then just stream videos and read celebrity fashion blogs, because if you haven't noticed I'm not so great at anything besides the actual writing of these posts. If there are lots of pictures or video involved, it can take me hours. Anyway, I make no money from this, but derive lots of joy from helping people discover new shows, inspiring critical discussions, and from making you laugh. If you read this blog, even if you've only glanced at it once or twice, I really appreciate your support. And, as always, if you want my perspective on something, just leave a comment or find me on Twitter - I am usually happy write specific posts by request. It's a family operation here at girl glows green, and by that I mean it's just me, and my bed, and my pair of Troy & Abed In The Morning mugs. I hope you guys will stick with me through the summer vacation drought, because I'll be coming back in the fall full-force, with plenty of opinions about EVERYTHING.

PS: Have you forgotten that I'm seeing Conan on Monday? No? You're on the edge of your seat, aren't you? Look, I know it is pretty much not a big deal, but that does not mean that it is not going to be AWESOME. Write-up will be posted no later than Wednesday, I promise! XOXO girl glows green

The List

(Series with at least 60% viewed multiple times will be marked with an *; series still making new episodes get a +)

30 Rock+

The Adventures Of Pete & Pete*

Ally McBeal

Archer+

Arrested Development* (at least 6x)

The Big Bang Theory+

The Big C+

Boardwalk Empire+

Bob's Burgers+

Bored To Death+

Britain's Next Top Model+

CSI:OG*+

Castle+

Cold Case+

Community+

Damages+

Dawson's Creek* (at least 5x)

Dead Like Me

Detroit 1-8-7

Dollhouse

Downton Abbey+

Entourage+

Episodes+

ER

Extras

Firefly*

Flight of the Conchords*

Freaks & Geeks*

Friends*

Fringe+

Glee*+

Gossip Girl+

Head Case

Heroes

House*+

How I Met Your Mother*+

Huge+

In Treatment

The Increasingly Poor Decisions Of Todd Margaret

Kingdom

The Larry Sanders Show

Law & Order

Law & Order: SVU*+

Law & Order: CI*

Lie To Me

Lost*

Louie+

Luther+

Mad Men*+

Modern Family+

Mr. Sunshine

News Radio

The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency

Northern Exposure

Numb3rs*

The Office*+

Parenthood+

Parks & Recreation+

Party Down*

Persons Unknown+

Project Runway+

Project Runway Canada+

Psych*+

Pushing Daisies

Queer As Folk

Raising Hope+

The Riches

Rock of Love

Royal Pains+

RuPaul's Drag Race+

Scrubs (Although I stopped watching before they switched to ABC, I still think it counts. That shit got awful.)

Sex & The City

Sherlock

Six Feet Under

Skins (UK)

The Sopranos (technically - I skipped the last few episodes because I stopped caring.)

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip*

Ugly Betty

Undeclared

The Unusuals*

Veronica Mars*

Weeds*+

The West Wing

PPS: Congratulations, you made it to the end of the post! You deserve to know that I AM still doing Weeds recaps but I had a Google-induced calamity on Monday night so hopefully I'll get something together before the next episode...but don't hold me to it, I'm going to Disneyland on Sunday and turkey legs and princess hats and rollercoasters take precedence over Nancy Botwin's silly antics.

"Lifetime of deceit, and so forth"

So, Weeds recaps. I guess this is happening. Get excited!

I came to Weeds for the weed. It was a fun show to get high and watch. But there's more of a reason for why I've stuck with it through everything, defending the show through good times and bad. This new season isn't off to a perfect start, but the characters are interesting, the acting is great, and I've been suspending my disbelief while watching Weeds for so long that it's second nature by now.

This third episode starts with Nancy in drug class (unfortunately, not a place where they teach you about all the best drugs) as a result of her impulsive stoning last week. I can really see how prison has changed her - not just because of shit like that, but in the difference in the way she moves, and the looks in her eyes. Nancy certainly hasn't come out of prison much improved in terms of likability; she still fucks her way into getting what she wants (even if what she wants is just fucking) and is still attracted to terrible, dangerous men. Honestly, would we be in all this mess if she had just gone onto the internet and found herself a dom? Probs not! ANYway, she is taking notes in drug class IN A MOST OBVIOUS FASHION WTF oh yes sorry, I forgot - disbelief is suspended - because we know she wants to start dealing and the best way to do that is to get a pound of weed (yes, a single pound) and then corner the market that the only two drug dealers in New York City (AHAHAHAHAHA) have left vacant. !Buena suerte! !Ten divertido con todo el chingado!

Ok, we are not even 30 seconds into this episode and already it's absurd so I'm just going to keep making fun of it and try to intersperse some insightful commentary along the way.

Remember how Silas' dead dad (that guy, Jeffrey Dean Morgan who looks like RJD) isn't actually his dad? And his dad is a dude named Lars (at least it's not Hans or Franz, giggle)? So Silas is still mad at Nancy, and everyone else is still kinda wtf about it, too, but they're willing to let it slide because, you know, eyebrows and hugs.

Summer Discussion Points!

So it turns out that summer isn't a great time for writing lots of blog posts when you're traveling and have family visiting and are otherwise working full-time. And since Psych is the best show on USA it's not coming back until the fall, and so I haven't had those recaps to write. I should really stop apologizing at the top of every post for my sporadic behavior, but REALLY I should just stop being a slacker and write about the things that I want to write about. So here's a mish-mash of what's been on my mind and my screen lately.

Ice Loves Coco

This is it, guys. We have reached the pinnacle of reality television programming. I'm not really sure what it is about Ice Loves Coco that has me so enthralled, but I do know one thing: Ice sure does love Coco. I mean, if there is one person in this world who loves somebody the most that you can love somebody, it is Ice loving Coco. And the great part is that this isn't some gross Hugh Hefner shit - Coco also loves Ice. That she chooses to express her love by being quite "traditional" and "domestic" is 100% her business, especially since in return she gets all the shoes she can fuck. Maybe it's because Ice-T is awesome, maybe it's because Coco is mesmerizing, but I am certain that this is the best example of the "follow a minor celebrity around their daily life" type of show. That reminds me, I need to go buy my dog a doppelganger coat for her interview with the dog agent to get all the Hollywood dog jobs and whatnot. Good thing I didn't forget, I've always dreamed of my dog having an agent. HAHAHA just kidding famous people are weird and not like me at all even if they do eat hamburgers and wear pants (I don't wear pants).

Louie

Louie is back!!! You should watch it. Louis C.K. said on The Daily Show, "You don't have to be smart to laugh at a fart joke, but you have to be stupid not to." I said, just now out loud to myself, "You don't have to be smart to watch Louie, but if you don't I will call you terrible names." So I watch because I don't like to be mean but I also don't make empty threats. Also, because it is awesome. Thursdays at 10 on FX and I only take the time to look up the air times of shows I really think you should be watching SO don't make the 20 seconds it took me to find that out worthless and just watch a great half-hour of comedy, please.

For Your Reference

Sometimes people ask me, "Do you watch "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia"?" and I have to say no and then they ask me why, and while a small fraction of my answer has to do with my ex-boyfriend, mostly it has to do with shit like this*: "Rob McElhenney had gained 50 pounds just because playing Mac as a fat guy would be funny"

Nope. Go back to satirical television school and take a class from Trey Parker & Matt Stone, please. You lose.

*Also, the first episode I watched dealt quite offensively with the issue of a transgendered woman, and I just couldn't stomach it. No judgment, it's just not for me.

Let's Hear It For The Gays!

Happy Pride, everyone! And happy gay-marriage-is-legal-in-NY! I'm so gonna be dancing my face off tonight. To celebrate, I thought I'd talk about some of my favorite gay television characters. We've still got a long fucking way to go in terms of media portrayal, and I am purposefully ignoring Glee completely on this list - you can go back and read some of my Glee posts if that's what you're interested in, but their characters are so poorly maintained that while I love first season Kurt I kind of hate a lot of second season Kurt and we won't even get into their TERRIBLE track record of biphobia. So. Let's start with a good one.

Alastair/Athena, "Huge"

I have been trying to get everyone I know to watch Huge with me and everyone says, "Yeah, that sounds great," and then we never do. But it is THE BEST, you've just got to start watching and you'll be hooked. Now, not to give too much away, but Alastair is an incredible character. He's super awkward and weird and no one really gets him and he's totally open about finding power in the name Athena and wanting that to be his nickname or whatever and when the jock kid calls him that out of kindness and acceptance you will CRY and if you don't you are made of permafrost. Anyway, what's great about Alastair is that he is pretty much the embodiment of "Questioning". He's totally queer but is still figuring out what that means and even though he may have curiosity about guys he's got it about girls, too and is really just trying to be himself and find the best way to do that. He's not afraid to be genderqueer and embody the feminine along with the masculine and most of all he doesn't want people making assumptions about him based on what they see or hear. Alastair is one of the main reasons why Huge is so great, and probably one of the main reasons it was cancelled, lest teenagers realize it's ok to be whoever they want to be or some other TERRIBLE lesson like that.

I should just end this list now, because it just can't get any better than that.

The Cast Of Will & Grace (minus Grace)

Will & Grace is one of those shows that doesn't really get talked about anymore. I don't think I've mentioned it once in almost a year of this blog. But it really was, for at least the first few seasons, revolutionary, brilliant, and hilarious queer comedy. Sure, there were some issues with stereotypes, but Eric McCormack and Sean Hayes are such great actors that they dealt with those unavoidable roadblocks with grace and dignity. Megan Mullally's pansexual Karen is one of the greatest television characters of all time; they should have ended the show before Harry Connick, Jr came on to ruin everything and created a spin-off called Jack & Karen, because who wouldn't watch that? I remember seeing two men kiss on primetime TV, and how powerful that was for me as a little baby queer with an uncle about to get gay married. I love, love, love Sean Hayes (if you haven't seen Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss, do it NOW) and think he deserves tons of credit for making flamboyance into something more than a limp-wristed caricature and for showing the world that it's ok to be stereotypically & effeminately gay, but that that doesn't mean that's ALL you are. I think it's safe to say that the television world would not be what it is today without Will & Grace.

Chandler & Phoebe, "Friends"

Both totally bi. Like, so bi I've considered writing a dissertation about how bi they are. Really the argument could be made for all of the so-called heteros on Friends, but Chandler and Phoebe are the most obvious about it. I love when Phoebe slips in a sly reference for her love for the ladies and it is totally NBD and that Chandler's queerness just subtly becomes part of who he is.

Jon Benjamin Has Awesomeness

So, for whatever dumb reason, I waited until today to watch Jon Benjamin Has A Van. For whatever dumber reason, Comedy Central only has ONE episode available to watch on their website, which seems pretty ridiculous since the show just started. Regardless, after I get off work I'm going a-internet hunting for the first two episodes because JBHAV, like all things Jon Benjamin graces with his greatness, is hilarious.

It's hard to describe what kind of show it is. It's kind of like sketch comedy, with a main skit that runs through smaller gags. It reminds me of Mr. Show crossed with Louie (which is back starting Thursday! Even though I'm still angry at my lover Louis C.K. for his dumb Twitter remarks about the Tracy-Morgan-is-ignorant-and-terrible imbroglio, I will continue to allow him to make me laugh), meaning that there's no real structure other than what Jon Benjamin wants as structure. And that's a good thing. Some of the best comedy comes from naturally hilarious people just fucking around and doing their thing, and that's exactly what JBHAV is.

There's not much to say about the show besides it's really funny, you should watch it. Jon Benjamin totally has some kind of magical comedic energy - just having him around something automatically makes it great. And I'm being serious when I say that the best thing about JBHAV are Benjamin's eyes - they twinkle, they laugh, they deadpan, they draw you in to their rippling blue depths. It's surprisingly fantastic how much Jon Benjamin can make me laugh with just his face when he's been mostly a voice actor for the majority of his career - although I shouldn't really be surprised, since he's such a brilliant voice actor. He has some of the best comedic delivery in the history of laughing, and Jon Benjamin Has A Van takes complete advantage of his fine, fine skills (and his sexy-ass face).

This is going on the Summer Watch List, guys. I just hope Comedy Central ponies up some new episodes soon, and that JBHAV doesn't get lost behind the murky puke that is Ugly Americans.

Images via CleftClips, HitFix, PirateShows

This Is Not All That

This is what ABC Family cancelled Huge for: white girls with the same haircut doing terrible things. And a girl with a cat face. Really? REALLY???!!! Winnie Holzman and Samantha Dooley - resurrect Huge on a different network, please!!! One that is not The Worst at making good shows.

Speaking of white girls who all look the same, I'm sure if you were on the internet in the past two weeks I'm sure you saw an ad for iParty With Victorious. You may or may not have been blown away by the fact that they look like the same person:

Other than Miranda Cosgrove having more curl in her hair, they are practically identical. Whatever happened to the channel whose most popular show used to look like this:

...HUH? Nickelodeon, come back! You were once the pinnacle of children's programming - now you are homogenized skim milk, which is so bad it's on Ron Swanson's Pyramid Of Greatness twice: "Skim Milk: Avoid It."

Expect more forceful opinions on the greatness of mid-nineties Nickelodeon shows once I can find episodes of Hey, Dude and Salute Your Shorts. In the meantime, iSuck With Terribleness can leave now, please.

Images via ABC Family, FanLaLa, Nickelodeon.Wikia

Community, Out There Being Awesome

So I don't particularly like talking about The Emmys, because they're mostly dumb and meaningless - you just can't judge a show by watching one or two episodes of it, that completely negates all of the work tv shows do building character arcs and whatnot - but thankfully, I don't have to, because Abed did it for me! You can read this awesome bit ostensibly written by Abed Nadir that will serve to remind you how many awards Community deserves HERE.

Thankfully, The AV Club has done a four-part interview with Dan Harmon, the creator of Community, where he goes through the second season of the show episode by episode, is remarkably self-deprecating and honest, and gives some great insight into how the show is made. HERE is the link to the third part of the series; links to parts one and two can be found at the top of that page - the fourth part will be posted tomorrow.

Enjoy!

"But...I'm...White..." : Cheers vs Wings

Eeek! Blogging fail. I don't think I've ever abandoned you all for so long. But hey, I've been on vacation and there hasn't been any new TV to provide me with some initiative, so I guess it's up to my weary brain to come up with ideas for good summertime posts. Don't worry, things won't remain at this sporadic pace - once I'm working again I'll be back to writing on a more regular basis.

So, a few weeks ago - or maybe it was a month, I can't keep track - Linda on Pop Culture Happy Hour was talking about how Cheers is on Netflix instant now, and how she spent the whole weekend watching Cheers and how the comedy really holds up. Now, Cheers ended shortly before I became a regular primetime viewer, so I only had a few brief memories of the show when it was on. I decided that this would be a great opportunity for me to educate myself on one of the most classically beloved sitcoms.

It did not go so well. Cheers does not, sorry Linda, does NOT hold up. The only thing that makes the show even remotely enjoyable is Ted Danson's inescapable charm. I have never found him attractive, but damn if he couldn't charm the pants off of anyone he wished. However, basically all other elements of the show are unbearable. Diane is a huge bore whose backstory consists of being abandoned at a bar by her creepy boss with whom she was about to elope, but instead he leaves her to go back to his ex-wife. Wha??? It informs her character not at all except to establish that she is a snob and an intellectual and here she is surrounded by all these boors isn't that hilarious? Not really. Carla, who I remember liking when I was a kid, is instead one of those people that thinks that being tiny allows them to get away with being a violent asshole. It's not cute when you shout in people's faces and punch them in the neck when you don't get your way, EVEN IF YOU ARE SHORT. Now, let me ask: is Coach supposed to be retarded? Nevermind, it doesn't matter, either way he is The Worst. The way he screams "NAAAHHRM!" whenever Norm walks in is so abrasive and awful it boggles my mind that it became a touchstone of the show. Speaking of Norm and Cliff, these characters are not endearing. They are drunks. Barney on The Simpsons is such a great character because he is an exaggeration of what Norm & Cliff would really be like. Anyway, when you come down to it, none of them are likable except Sam.

And here's where we get to the crux of the issue of watching Cheers from a modern standpoint: this is a show about a bar. Everything happens at a bar. Almost all of the characters we see are drunks or at least drink a fair amount - except Sam, who's an alcoholic, and Diane, who is boring. Maybe in 1982 it was normal for people to get off of work and go drink by yourself in a bar every night; these days, that kind of behavior is sad and problematic. Thus characters like Norm, who, at that time might've been the guy who reminded you of your uncle or something, are now just pathetic misogynists who have probably caused multiple drunk driving accidents without even knowing it. Knowing what we know now, it's hard to find any of the Cheers ensemble endearing.

The comedy is also incredibly stilted and old-fashioned. I can see the setup of a joke coming from a mile away, and when the punchline eventually comes, it's painful. I mean, I understand that this is Eighties television we're talking about - I've seen Alf and Family Ties and all that and I get how low the bar was set for a long time. But just because Cheers might've been better than 21 Jumpstreet (and it's not, I watched all of that after-school epic last summer) doesn't mean that it deserves all the love it gets.

The Nude Erections

Oh, fine. I'll see you in the fall, Glee. Have a great summer touring. :( Seriously, those kids are worked hella hard, I'd like to see what their paycheck is. I'm pretty sure it's disproportionate to the amount of money the show brings in, especially now that they're polluting the world with these fucking terrible original songs. But we'll get to that in a minute. Overall, the finale was much like the season – partly awful and partly great, but the great parts were pretty wonderful.

The Gershwin opening was lovely, as were the Gershwin themes that ran through other parts of the show. Rachel's coat (well, everyone's clothes, really) was fanfuckingtastic. And it was fun to watch them galavanting about New York, even if the song left something to be desired. I enjoyed parts of the Finchel storyline - it was certainly the most captivating part of the show. But, like always, there was a whole lot of fluff in between that I still feel obligated to mention.

Let's see. Mr. Schue is a terrible teacher, obviously, and so he abandons his class and says, hey teenagers! You have to write two amazing, prize-winning songs, and you have one single day. See ya! Maybe if you're good, I'll bring you pizza in 17 hours. Mr. Schue, this is not Project Runway, and you are not Tim Gunn. You don't just get to leave the set and go off and be fabulous somewhere because you feel like it. Also, you may just be the opposite of Tim Gunn. Ugh, I really hate Matthew Morrison and his vests and his gargoyle face. I wish he was just one big set of abs. ANYway, he goes and sings an awful song (really, does he sing any other kind?) and then some guy wanders by and is all, You're gonna be a staaaaar, m'boy! *old-timey jazz hands*

Anything But Li'l

I know it's a little ridiculous in the fast-paced internet world we live in to post recaps five days after the episode airs, but (A) I sadly do not work for the A.V. Club or anywhere else whose writers get screeners so they can post their recaps as soon as it airs and (B) these last episodes of The Office and Parks & Recreation were so good that I wanted to draw out our goodbyes for as long as possible. And now, the time has come.

The Office

Firstly, how awesome is that picture? Hooray for ensemble casts! After the abhorrent mistake that was Deangelo Vickers, it was nice to see that The Office can handle itself without Michael Scott or any other misguided celebrity vanity projects (seriously, there was an NPR piece and Will Ferrell was all, yeah, I called them up to see if I could be on the show! And so they wrote this whole character for me! NOBODY CARES, Farrell. Stick with movies, please.). I mean, there are so many amazing characters, I don't think it should be that hard to manage. The first (and best) answer? Creed.

Now, Creed has been my favorite Office character for awhile (from the season 3 Christmas episode deleted scenes: "I don't care which party I go to. Once you've danced naked at a hash bonfire with the spirits of the dead, all parties seem pretty much the same."), and I thought giving him a leading role was a brilliant move. The scenes between him and Pam were some of the most fun I've had all season. Creed is great because he's a loose cannon; he can say or do anything and maintain character plausibility because his character is NUTS. So right off the bat we were off to a good start.

"See You Next Fall"

I'm so sorry it's been a whole week since my last post. But this is my third job, and the only one I don't get paid for, and it just so happens that my other two jobs are also culminating in these last two weeks of May, meaning that I barely had time to watch all the season finales this week, much less write about them. So - here's another big-ass Sunday morning post, just for you.

How I Met Your Mother

Not a bad episode, overall. Kind of a nothing plot leading up to the so-called cliffhanger, but that's 6th season HIMYM for you. Even Chi McBride and Dave Foley, two of my favorites, couldn't really do anything to help the episode beyond just being in it because the writing wasn't there. I did really like Barney and Robin coming together to keep Ted from getting back together with FJM, but the above picture may be the best thing to come out of the whole episode. I thought the pregnancy reveal was illogical and un-clever - just because you're a television character doesn't mean you would continually return to a restaurant that makes you sick (and Marshall & Ted's favorite pizza joint doesn't count - they were in COLLEGE). If that were true it would make humans dumber than the animals that don't eat monarch butterflies because they look like other, poisonous butterflies. So.

Robin and Barney are going to get together eventually, like I predicted. The problem with this is that it was already a cliffhanger two seasons ago - but then the writers freaked out and had NO IDEA how to handle their relationship and concocted the dumbest breakup story ever. I'm pretty sure that episode was the shark-jumper for me. Oh, sure, there have been great moments since then, but the overall quality of the show has been in decline ever since. The truth is that I can't really get completely behind any CBS show these days - and the new fall lineup doesn't show any improvement (except that new show with Ben Linus! That I will watch). It's just such milquetoast, hypocritical programming - they're afraid to do anything edgy in their comedies, but have gotten progressively more disgusting and disturbing with their crime procedurals. I love Bill Irwin and all (my mom went to clown school with him) but his SEASONS-LONG storyline on CSI has sucked almost all of the fun out of it - though most of the blame should be laid at Laurence Fishbourne's feet. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I miss Numb3rs, and I miss the days when HIMYM felt like it was getting away with something. Now it just feels like a show that comes on before Two And A Half Men reruns that doesn't give NPH nearly enough to do.

Your Summer Watching List

It's summertime, y'all! Maybe not officially, but it's sunny and warm here more days than most and the kids I work with are starting to go ca-razzy (thanks, Tom Haverford), so that means that summer is upon us. Ron Swanson gets what I'm talking about. And you know what they say, April showers bring May season finales, so as all of the great and terrible shows from this year start to end my mind looks ahead to the wasteland of nights with nothing new to watch. Oh, sure, you could do something silly like go outside in the summer, but once you're tired of that or the fog starts rolling in or if you live in a place where it actually gets too hot to go outside, well...that's what this list is for. It's a reminder of shows you may have forgotten about or put off watching until you had the time, and of the shows that will be airing new episodes this summer that are worth checking out. And, IMO, summer is a time for shows that are silly, lighthearted, and not too thinky (unless you're Mad Men, but there's no new Mad Men until NEXT YEAR. *SOB* Blame the effing bureaucrats.). That's why you'll find Wipeout on the list, but not Breaking Bad (which is too dark, depressing, and gruesome for me any time of year, thankyouverymuch), along with some of my favorite shows that I haven't gotten a chance to talk about on here yet.

Away we go!

"First off, pop pop!"

It is difficult for me to express how much I love Community. Last night as I was falling asleep, I had a hypnogogic vision that I was dying in a hospital bed. “Bring me Community dvds please,” I said, and in that moment I regained enough consciousness to note how deep my devotion to this show goes. It is literally the show I want brightening my last moments on this earth.

I'm not going to go into a whole plot recap – it was too fabulous for that, and besides, you should go watch it yourself. But I will talk about the noteworthy moments.

For as great as “A Fistful Of Paintballs” was, there's no doubt that “For A Few Paintballs More” took that momentum and ran with it. Josh Holloway was a little underutilized in his role as the Black Rider, serving mostly to provoke Jeff's insecurities. The western theme was fun, gave Annie some great (and sexy) work to do, tied nicely into the “Pierce being kicked out of the group” plot, and made us want more. But there was no way it was going to beat a Star Wars homage. Abed as Han Solo, Jeff and Troy duking it out for the leadership role, Shirley kicking ass just so she can go home, Darth Vader in an ice cream cone, Britta's unlikely partnership with Leonard – all gold.

My Love For Fringe...

...is like a red, red, rose? Or perhaps it's more like an aquamarine rose that only exists in an alternate universe.

Fringe is a tough show to write about. Yes, part of that is because of the mystery aspect of the show, and my reticence to not give anything away to those who may not have discovered its greatness yet. But it's also because, the way the show is structured, events don't unfold the way they did with, say, Lost. And as the show has matured (and improved), the structure itself has changed.

Fringe started off a little weak. Most of the first season is basically just a paranormal crime procedural, with each episode centering around a different "fringe" event that may or may not have anything to do with the larger story of the season. I know it lost some people around the middle there, but the end of season 1 is definitely worth watching, if only to see the superb Jared Harris (Lane Pryce on Mad Men) being superbly creepy. So, if you're new to Fringe and don't feel like slogging through some of the weaker episodes, my advice is this: watch the first two and the last two episodes of the season. That's all you really need. I do think any show is better if you watch all of it, but here, it's not completely necessary.

The second season of Fringe took the awesomeness of the end of season 1 and ran with it. The strength of the show really lies with the characters at the heart of it and the myriad relationships between Olivia, Peter, and Walter. Given material with more depth and an expectation of growth, Anna Torv, Joshua Jackson, and John Noble consistently deliver performances that are strong, endearing, realistic, and often funny. Humor was another concept that season 2 embraced whole-heartedly, going as far as naming an episode "Brown Betty" after a particularly potent strain of Walter's marijuana. I really love the embracing of weed and hallucinogenics as part of the mythology of Fringe; it's awesome to be able to say, "We're going to pump this character - and ourselves - full of acid and then take a journey through her brain", and have that be a normal day on Fringe.

Never Forget

This is what happens when you are too young to remember the 80s:

This is from Nylon's Young Hollywood Issue Celebration Whatever event last night. This person's name is JoJo (yes, two capitals, no last name) and I think it's safe to say that she was a mere thought of a fetus at the time when the rest of our moms were dressing us in jeans and shorts and jackets and dresses made from this most abhorrent of denim. Nancy Reagan taught us all to JUST SAY NO to stonewashing, remember? Or are you too young for that reference, too?

Suffice to say no one should ever wear this dress, ever. And no one ever would if they'd just do a little research before getting dressed for a press event.

History is important, kids. Stay in school. Don't do acid-wash.

Image via TLo

"That's very Wool."

It's May, which means it's season finale time! Now, I'm not going to be going through EVERY season finale (Parenthood and Archer have already finished - one, disappointingly; the other, marvelously), but for those that truly warrant it, you can bet I'll be there to talk about it. And in case you're wondering why my posting is sporadic or why I haven't said anything about HIMYM's lark "The Perfect Cocktail" or "A Fistful Of Paintballs", these are the reasons why:

- For two-part finales, I'm not going to go into it (even though "A Fistful Of Paintballs" was SO AWESOME so far) until the second one has aired. Redundancy annoys me.

-I am currently working on two spectacularly helpful lists for the summer, including shows you should use the summer hiatus to check out or catch up on, and what shows have new episodes airing this summer that are worth watching (Burn Notice? Not on the list. Wipeout? Made the cut.). So check back over the next few weeks and there should be plenty television talk to go around.

In the meantime, I'll just say that the 30 Rock finale was everything I've come to expect of 30 Rock this season - mostly disappointing with a few great jokes and guest stars making most of them. Will Forte bothers me in almost everything else he does, but his role here has been a hilarious highlight since it began. Victor Garber can put me in a wool sweater anytime he likes...but only if he promises to take it off me afterwards.

Not really, that's gross, I've been admiring Victor Garber since I was a wee child watching The First Wives' Club and he had grey hair THEN which must make him very old NOW. But still, there's no denying his greatness.

Anyway, stay tuned and don't miss all the great finales! And if you haven't seen "A Fistful Of Paintballs, Part 1", yet, what in the name of Sawyer are you waiting for??? Watch it here or here.

Image via TV.com

Suspicious Faces

So there's a new season of L&O: Criminal Intent that premiered on Sunday. I actually think they made a smart decision by moving the show to USA; if it hadn't moved, it for-sure would be dead by now. And I love me some Vincent D'Onofrio, so it would be a shame if there was nowhere to get my fix.

Now this week's episode wasn't particularly noteworthy (other than the casting of the reprehensible Jay Mohr in what I quickly realized to be the "ripped from the headlines" Charlie Sheen role, which, if you're trying to find someone to play a guy who all of America wants to punch in the face, Mohr is definitely your guy), but what immediately stood out to me was the new captain. I had forgotten that they killed off Eric Bogosian last season, but this new guy...is not new at all!

Regular (AKA nerdy) L&O viewers like myself will know that the series often recycles actors. SVU's Casey Novak first had a role as an auto-erotic asphyxiation aficionado a season or two before magically becoming an ADA. Alana De La Garza transitioned pretty seamlessly from OG Law & Order to L&O: LA. And any number of actors have returned as victims or killers or witnesses in different episodes. So it shouldn't come as any surprise that this guy, whose name I can't remember and don't really care about, is all of a sudden a police captain. Except it does! This guy has been a villain on the show two, maybe even three times before. His face is recognizable - as the face of EVIL. I can still picture him on the ground, digging for the tooth he thought he lost from the body he had stored in his garage. But now he's the captain, jollily handing out assignments. And I just don't buy it.

I'm glad you like to give your friends work, Dick Wolf. But this is one decision I can't get behind. Look at his face! Creeptastic.

On a related note, does anyone else think it's weird that the lady who played Ana Lucia's police chief mom in Lost is also a Los Angeles police chief in L&O: LA? It just seems a little racist to me. Not to mention that it would have been nice to have a female detective for once, instead of having to watch Alfred Molina's face making bad career decisions. Seriously, that show is awful. If you're thinking of watching it, don't. Go watch reruns of Numb3rs instead. Hot, smart Jew boys always brighten MY day.

Image via TVLine

"Rocky Mountain Oysters"

And thus Michael Scott departed from The Office.

It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't The Worst, either. There were a few moments that I genuinely loved, and then there were some that I hated, or didn't understand, or that felt disappointing. Let's start with what was great:

- The cold open. A fun scene that maintained character continuity while hearkening back to some of the best cold opens with Michael and Dwight (mmm, peanut butter head).

- The look Michael had on his face as Deangelo was explaining how he was gonna drill holes in his favorite truck. 

Bob's Burgers Makes Delicious Word Play

Somebody who, unlike me, is able to take awesome screengrabs put together this collection of every burger "special" that Bob's Burgers has featured. I've actually been wanting to do this for a while, but I would also include captures of every failed next-door business (from the title sequence), because those are often just as funny. And much thanks to Videogum for the link and general blogging wonderfulness.

Moral of the story: you should stop complaining about how The Simpsons has gone downhill, and just watch more Bob's Burgers already. It requires no backstory or commitment, except a commitment to making yourself happier by laughing.

Hulu! And places without commercials.

Happy Burger-th day! I am totally craving a Hit Me With Your Best Shallot burger now.

"Like that's any less gay"

Man, when Glee is good, it's very, very good. I mean we all know that when it's bad, it's horrid, but "Born This Way" really was a step up, even from last week. There was a lot of negative feedback from blogland for "A Night Of Neglect" (still the worst title ever), but not in these parts. Oh, sure, it wasn't the best, had too much Gwyneth and was kind of cobbled together, but I'm grading on a curve and it was a hell of a lot better than most of the episodes this season. Additionally, 1 Steven Tobolowsky + 1 Cheyenne Jackson = 0 Gwyneth Paltrows. Anyway, tonight managed to be even better.

CAVEAT: I am still profoundly angry and irritated the way the writers decided to ignore Santana's possibly bisexuality despite her many occasions of professed sexual attraction for men (go back and watch the Britney episode and tell me she's not hot for Dr. Carl). However, since this show is THE WORST at character consistency and has a proven history of biphobia, I'm just going to suck it up and accept that Santana is now a total 'mo, a full-on Kinsey 6, and hope that maybe they can discover some non-hateful nuance when it comes to Britttany ("I think I might be bi-curious"? ARRRRGH. Bi-sexual. If you like or have liked having sex/being in love with boys AND girls you are what is called bisexual. Just. Say. It.). Moving on to the parts that don't make me want to scream epithets at my computer.

Knock, Knock...

Who's at the door? Is it the Ska Boss?

No, you silly!

"Bored!"

30 Rock, you have been surpassed.

I honestly can't understand why anyone at NBC would air that travesty of a flashback episode after the brilliant skewering of the concept that Community did earlier in the night. It was a painful 42 minutes to slog through, and more than once I glanced at the clock to see how much time was left. That's not to say that there weren't some bright spots, but for the most part it fell very, very flat.

Fat Southern Boss is threatening to cancel TGS (which 30 Rock pretty much admits is a terrible fictional show - and, I would argue, even worse than Studio 60) and then there is something with Michael Keaton (WTF? Why? I don't care. Go away, Michael Keaton.) and a gas leak and so people start hallucinating and occasionally there are flashbacks and then those stop for a while and return and in between people are hallucinating because that's what gas does to you, I guess? I know this is a call-back to an earlier episode, there were tons of them here, and none of them particularly successful.

And I suppose the main point of the episode, in between Tracy's credibility issue and Jenna's weird pregnancy whatever, was Liz and Jack wishing that they had never met or some such plotless nonsense. It was really just an excuse to fill time, bring back Dennis, and get Alec Baldwin to be four ridiculous Alec Baldwins. But since I did not buy any of the premises of the show whatsoever, I didn't care about the outcome. And other than a few giggles along the way, it felt like work to watch, and that is never a good thing. Certainly not up to their best (even the flashback scenes they chose were kind of mediocre), but 30 Rock has definitely had an uneven 5th season. However, if you compare the number of quotes from this episode to the multitude from "Bird Internet", the stark discrepancy becomes clear. While other people may mourn the impending end of this show, I celebrate it, because if it goes on for much longer it may just become irredeemably bad.

ALSO, that ending speech of Baldwin's about how no one respects television actors: boo fucking hoo, a-hole. That is the same attitude that put The Fucking Paul Reiser Show on the air. You have a bajillion freaking dollars and opportunities I can only dream of, so don't come bitching to me when your rich white a-hole actor friends laugh at you at the fucking Vanity Fair Oscar Party. CRY ME A GODDAMN RIVER, TIMBERLAKE; you don't get to whine about being an outsider when you are playing a role that has won you multiple awards. OR ARE A FAMOUS AND RICH AND SUCCESSFUL ACTOR. Also, everyone knows that there are plenty of ex-movie stars who are part of the quality resurgence of television; you should be glad you're not Gary Sinise. Just shut the fuck up RIGHT NOW and maybe us poor, struggling liberals won't have to beat you up for making us all seem like whiny twats.

The Saddest Notes & Quotes section ever:

"What if we had a child that was prettier than us? We'd have to leave it in the desert."

"That's a giraffe's name!"

For an episode that managed to give some moments to everyone (even the departed Josh), there was a huge Grizz-and-Dotcom sized hole that they didn't even come close to filling.

***

I'm disappointed, y'all.