"I'm not your dead husband, Maw Maw"

I thought I would have more to say after the second episode of Raising Hope, but I don't, really. It's a good comedy - nothing earth-shattering, but original and funny. It's created by Greg Garcia, the dude who created My Name Is Earl, and Raising Hope has a very similar quirky white trash family vibe. My Name Is Earl definitely lost steam (and charm) after the first two seasons, and I could see this show taking a similar trajectory. However, it's enjoyable, it made me laugh, and it's got Cloris Leachman being awesome and hilarious.

And that's it. That's all I've got. I've been hearing and reading a lot of stuff about how awful the new pilot season is, and while I don't completely agree (Running Wilde is steadily improving, por supuesto), for the most part, it is pretty lackluster. Raising Hope has a chance of getting good, but it's going to have to find its audience.

Image via buddytv

"I'm fine! Just staying at home...chillaxing."

Now for the dramatic equivalent of a rundown.

Fringe

If you're not watching Fringe, and you like SciFi...why are you not watching Fringe? It's really developed into a great, compelling show after the first part of the first season started off a little weak and slow. Now in its third season, Fringe has found an audience and a pacing and a story that works quite well, in addition to some truly unexpected twists and turns. I'm not going to say anything else here in fear of ruining it for you, but suffice to say it's awesome, entertaining, and sexy. You should really be watching it.

Bonus: Hot Joshua Jackson is Hot.

"Surf, sun, and..." "Sandwiches?"

Alright, bitches. I've gotten way behind and there are some shows about which I don't have much to say, so we're gonna knock a few out of the way right now.

The Big Bang Theory

You know, everyone talks about how smart this show is, but just because they make references to science and Star Trek doesn't really make it smart. In reality it's just a basic, formulaic CBS-style sitcom with jokes written to appeal to nerds. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't like the show; I do. The problem is I only really like one part of the show and that is Sheldon Cooper. He's so strange and Asbergers-y and "Bazinga" is a catch phrase that cracks me up like no other catch phrase because Jim Parsons' timing and delivery are incredible. Last week I was talking about how Geoffrey Arend's talents were being wasted on Body Of Proof; and here we've got another Garden State scene-stealer who just won an Emmy (which I actually think he deserved!) for being funny. Parsons really is great on The Big Bang Theory; I just wish that everyone else on the show was as good.

The problem is that the rest of the cast are either abhorrent, obnoxious, pathetic, or just a sad clump of stereotypes smooshed together into a person-shape. I can't stand Howard Wolowitz (See: The Emily Valentine Problem), which is sad, because I loved Simon Helberg in Studio 60 and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. So, you know, I'll watch the show but it's probably never going to be one of my favorites - the premiere was alright, but compared with all the other comedy I watched last week, it was near the bottom of the list. In fact, all you really ever need to see is right here.

PS: CBS changed their schedule and are trying to use TBBT to kill Community. This shall not stand!

"Turn off the Chumbawumba and scram, twerp!"

Dude, I love how surly and free with her body Meredith is - even when she's dancing on Kevin.

The Office is one of those shows that has consistently gotten better and better. I'm not of the mind that Jim and Pam getting together ruined anything about the show - they couldn't have gone on the way they were, and now they're like this awesome team and they are still hilarious together, just like always. Jim and Pam make the perfect foils to Mr. Dwight K. Schrute, and I love how their relationships have developed - sometimes they're friends, mostly they're adversaries, and their relationship is always dynamic and believable. And I think it's great to have pranks being pulled that wouldn't be possible in an office that isn't this office - it gives the audience a nice voyeuristic fantasy. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

The opening of the premiere was a great chance for everyone in the office to have a moment - which is part of what makes this show great, mining the comedy potential of all these diverse characters. People are saying that The Office couldn't go on without Steve Carell, but those people obviously haven't seen the webisodes, which are great without most of the lead actors.

However, just because he's leaving doesn't mean that Steve Carell isn't still amazing at playing Michael Scott:

"Do you think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid...and a 50-year-old guy...who was a murderer.....really safe."

"I don't understand - is this you being meta?"

It is really hard for me to express how much I love Community. It's self-referential without being obnoxious or oblique, loves and celebrates the things I love, and is based in reality enough that when it gets ridiculous it simply enhances the world that's already been created. And it has Abed.

Betty White aside (I'm starting to tire of her schtick, I must admit), this was a great, classic Community episode. Everyone gets a chance to shine on this show (even Starburns), it's a true ensemble, and each character is now fleshed out enough so we get to have lots of fun with their interaction.

I'm tempted to just post a bunch of my favorite quotes, but I won't ruin it all for you. Everyone was good, but Alison Brie (Annie) was incredibly solid throughout (her reaction shots alone are just amazing), and Troy had some of the best lines. The kiss between Britta and Jeff - I actually rewound to watch it again, it was that perfect.

I'm currently waiting for the first season to arrive on dvd, so expect a more in-depth analysis of Community at a later date. But, like I've been reiterating, good comedy effortlessly combines the hilarity with heart-felt honesty. I'm not sure anything illustrates this rule better than these two lines:

Abed: "I can tell life from TV, Jeff. TV has structure; it has logic, rules...and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you."

(Silence as Abed leaves the room.)

George Clooney Impersonator: "I'm on the clock for another hour if you want me to do some Batman lines."

Ahahahahahahahaha oh man that joke KILLS me. Over and over again. Just like Abed breaking my heart.

OMG, just go watch it now - and if you haven't seen first season, well...you obviously need to watch that, too:

"Dogs used to eat me but now they bring the paper in"

Images via TVSquad.com, buddytv.com, and fyeahjoelmchale.tumblr.com

"Get me mounted!"

Man, it's so nice to have Mitchell Hurwitz making stuff for my TV again.

Running Wilde was quite good. It was strong for a pilot, where the task of introducing the characters and premise can often take away from the funny. It was irreverent and topical and there is a child named Puddle, which I love. Will Arnett...how it has taken this long for him to get his own show is beyond me, but I suspect he was holding out to work with Mitchell Hurwitz. He is SO goddamn hilarious - but you all know that. And who knew that Keri Russell was funny? I like that they aren't afraid to make fun of her eco-groovy self-righteousness: "But if I were the type of person who needed to feel superior I would say, 'I feel sorry for that shallow rich guy...but good for that deep poor girl for not judging him.'"

Just some of my favorite bits:

"Attention Earth rappers - "

"Rapers. Rapers. Rapers!"

The piano that Steve is not playing.

"His breath is so milky"

"Nothing worse than a wide-awake drunk"

"Well, on the other hand, you smell pretty good...what the hell"

"I saved a horse today!...I'm going to. I know where I left it."

Ok, I'm not going to ruin it all for you. Suffice to say, if you are a fan of laughing you should definitely be watching this show.

"And for the nothing. Mostly you do it for the nothing."

"He really IS ruggedly handsome!"

The premiere of Castle was handled so well, there isn't much to bitch about. I hate it when shows lack consistency from season to season, but Castle had zero problem with that. By making Castle a constant suspect, Beckett was able to vent her frustration, but it's very, very clear that they both still have feelings for each other and that there will be consistency in handling that in the future.

Ryan and Esposito are hilarious; j'adore entertaining sidekicks.

I find it interesting that Castle and Lie To Me premiered around the same time and star very similar main characters: egomaniac single dads who happen to be quite good at solving crimes. Their methods are completely different, which keeps the shows dissimilar enough, but the comparison really applies to their home lives. Interestingly enough, the teenagers on both these shows I pretty much like. The girl on Lie To Me is a better actor, but the girl on Castle is actually funny. Anyway, I like both these shows, and I think it's interesting that they've both managed to do something so similar so well.

So yay Castle! I love how fun (and funny) this show is; the eye candy doesn't hurt either.

Images via CelebrityBug.net, tvworthwatching.com

"People thought I went on vacation but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers."

When Glee started last night with "Jew Fro" interviewing glee club members and asking questions that the blogosphere and critics have all been asking, I was so excited. "Finally," I said to myself, "They really are going to address the criticisms and make the show stronger." And it did start out that way.

ABC Fall Lineup - *sad trombone*

Wherein I get lost without Lost.

ABC is such a hit-or-miss network. Lost, Castle, The Unusuals, and Pushing Daisies? Very yes. Anything else that ABC's done for the past 8 years? Very meh. They try so hard to be family-oriented that the comedy (and writing) suffers because it ends up being about the same shit over and over. Anyway, besides Mr. Sunshine (which doesn't premiere until later in the season) I'm not super excited for any of these shows, but I'll check them out because, well, that's what we do here.

"What lightweight outfit, pink or white, makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight?"

OMG Barney and Robin are totes gonna get married!

"It's a sundress, by the way."

How I Met Your Mother's premiere episode last night, "Big Days", was familiar and tender and hilarious and right at the highly developed level of comedy I've come to expect from the show. Remember when I was talking about Friends' ability to effortlessly combine the tears with the laughter? HIMYM does it, too, but rarely enough that when you tear up, it's about something big. Of course, Marshall and Lily are just Chandler and Monica 2.0, so...it's not too unexpected.

OMG Barney and Robin! As soon as she came down in that sundress and the way that he looked at her - I knew it was on. If I'm wrong about this it might just destroy me, but I can't be wrong. Who else would Ted be best man for? I mean, it might be his dad or something, but I'm on the Barney and Robin getting married train and I'm not getting off until somebody makes me.

Overall, I'm obviously glad to have the show back. I am not so excited for the addition of Jennifer Morrison to the cast (as The Mother, I'm assuming) because I've never seen her be funny ever, but until they find a way to make everything all about Ted again, I'm loving every minute of it.

OMG Barney and Robin! I knew Robin could never end up with someone named Don.

Image via tvserieslounge.com

FOX Fall Lineup - Getting Warmer...

Wherein we travel through the Tunnel of Love, Indubitably.

Well, after slogging through the $hit at CBS, coming around to Fox is a nice change. Fox is a network that I often forget my favorite shows are on; Fringe especially often feels a little too well-put-together for Fox. But I should give them a break, because three out of four is the best record I've seen all week.

Let's get the bad 'un out of the way.

Lone Star

What is it with all the shows about Texas this season? Texas never interested me before and it sure as hell doesn't interest me now. Con men who aren't James Ford? Pass. Jon Voight? Pass. Add in a generic and lackluster leading man and it looks like a snooze-fest. It's being billed as "one of the most provocative dramas FOX has ever had", but to me it looks less provocative and more like a lame retread of a bunch of other shit.

CBS Fall Lineup - Hulk Smash!

Wherein I bitch about competing scheduling.

Before I start, I'd like to state for the record that I'm not a fan of CBS as a network. While they produce How I Met Your Mother (premieres tonight!), their shows tend to be some of the shows I hate most (Everybody Loves Raymond; A Man, An Ugly Teenager, And A Douchnozzle, etc). Now, CBS knows how to turn out a crime procedural like nobody's business - and I will freely admit my love for OG CSI, Numb3rs, Cold Case, and Without a Trace - but they have traditionally been a more old-school, conservative network. Their fall schedule looks neither new nor especially exciting. But, you know...let's take a closer look!

$#*! My Dad Says

You know, everyone's been saying that this looks horrible, but the preview doesn't look that bad (maybe I just love Will Sasso). I think the ultimate problem this show is gonna have is that CBS cut off its balls. I never read the Twitter account, but I believe that it was full of hilarious profanity. I mean, the fact that you can't say "shit" on TV is already ridiculous; now you have a TV show that emphasizes broadcasting censorship. FAIL.

NBC Fall Lineup Smackdown!

Wherein I weep for the future of network television.

Seriously, I don't really get it. You would think that with cable networks producing some of the best TV since forever (Mad Men, Damages, Huge...and even shows that I don't watch, like Breaking Bad and Sons Of Anarchy, or haven't gotten around to watching, like Rubicon), that the networks would have to step it up. Well, it appears that some of them have and some simply haven't. NBC cancelled Law & Order, yet now we have Law & Order: LA, which appears to be like, three other crime shows rolled into one. I'm not going to review it; you know it exists and I think that's all you need to know. In fact, none of these are meant to be summaries - you can watch the preview for that - they're simply a guide to what looks good and what looks...less than good. Anyway, here's a rundown of the scripted shows that NBC has premiering this fall, ranked in order from godawful to possibly awesome.

Outsourced

Is about a guy who has to go to India to run a call center for an American novelty toy company. Do I really need to say anything else? Unfunny and culturally offensive - not to mention outdated (as call center jobs are currently returning to the US in droves)...all of these sound like great show descriptors, don't they? I refuse to post a preview.

the Friendsaissance

On this week's Pop Culture Happy Hour, Linda Holmes was talking about how she started watching Friends from the beginning again and she had forgotten how funny it was blah blah blah and now is about the time that the backlash has subsided and people can start watching Friends again. Which is great, but Bitch, Please! Some of us never stopped.

I've loved Friends ever since I started watching in about 6th grade. I own seasons 3-10 on DVD (I started at 3, eventually I'll get around to buying the first two seasons but they're not my favorites anyhow). I have watched countless reruns. And here's the thing: I never watched it for the hype, or because Jennifer Aniston was popular, or even because I love Matthew Perry (which I do). I watched it then, and continue to now, because it's fucking funny. It is! And I know people with all sorts of different tastes - yes, including many men - who love Friends, and who have continued to love Friends even when it was uncool to do so.

So, Linda Holmes, even though I like your podcast, I scoff at your johnny-come-lately-ness. Those of us who are real fans of the show never wavered, even through Joey and The Break-Up and Cougar Town. We loved Run, Fatboy, Run (directed by David Schwimmer) and gobbled down Studio 60. We are excited for Episodes and Mr. Sunshine (Allison Janney! Dillon Killington!) and everything that Lisa Kudrow does. We also watch How I Met Your Mother, which is just Friends post-2005 with the bonus of NPH.

I could post tons of clips here showing how hilarious Friends is, but I don't think I need to. You've all seen the show - and if you haven't, what is wrong with you? (asked Angry Padma-style) Yes, it's a sitcom. Yes, it's very white, for the most part. Yes, some of the lesbian jokes fall flat. But, you know, that's television. Those things could be said for almost any sitcom on today, and most of them are nowhere near as funny as Friends (get off my screen, Two Men & An Ugly Teenager). Plus, in addition to being consistently smart and funny, Friends manages to be touching and deeply emotional at times, while balancing that out with the humor. Just watch The One The Morning After from season 3, or The One With The Proposal from season 6, and tell me you're not laughing through the tears.

I mean, whatever. If you're not into by now, you may never be. But if Friends is going to become cool and awesome again, I want it on the record that, for me, it never stopped being so. All comedy can feel dated at times, but Friends has, for the most part, stayed fresh and lol-worthy - unlike, as Holmes notes, the comedy of Seinfeld, which often doesn't age as well. The Friendsaissance is upon us, so now is the perfect time get back into the show if you abandoned it to be a hipster, or if you were simply too close-minded to give it a chance before. Open your mind and let the jokes on in, and stop worrying so much about being cool.

So I've just got one clip to show you - of possibly my favorite Friends moment. Even if you've seen it before, watch it again - you'll enjoy those endorphins you get from laughing. And if you're too hard-hearted not to laugh, well...this whole argument has just been a moo point.

Friends forever! And speaking of Friends Forever, Saved By The Bell forever! My original favorite teen sitcom will definitely be addressed at some point in the future. Goddamnit, now that's stuck in my head. Might as well be in yours, too:

Enjoy your weekend, friends!

Images via HollywoodJesus.com and HollywoodDame.com

The Thing About Parenthood

I watched the premiere of Parenthood (NBC, Tuesdays @ 10pm) and was pleasantly surprised. That's pretty much what this show is: pleasant. Now, I've never seen Parenthood The Movie, so I don't have any need to to compare the two, but the show does an excellent job of showcasing a multigenerational family - better and more authentic than Modern Family, I must say. And, even though it's a drama, it's often funnier, too (Skype sex, anyone?). Just watch this clip where Julia and Joel try to explain to their borderline-genius child about the birds and the bees. That's how precocious is done, kids.

THIS is why I watch Gossip Girl

Richard Lawson on Gawker does the most brilliantly hilarious recaps ever. Read the most recent one here.

Oh, man, I am seriously still chuckling to myself.

"She wants to have doing it with Dan."

It's like a poem.

and Fall TV Premiere season is upon us...

Just a heads up: I am going to try to write posts relating to as many of the season premieres (of shows that I watch) as possible, so if you're afraid of spoilers you should wait to check back until you've gone through your DVR/Sidereel schedule/Hulu queue and gotten caught up. I am especially excited for Glee, Community, Castle, The Office (more Michael and Holly??!!), Parenthood, How I Met Your Mother, and the premieres of Boardwalk Empire and Running Wilde.

If there are any other new shows premiering that I should check out, let me know - I've seen most of the previews and it mostly looks like a whole lotta awful (fucking Outsourced, anyone?), but I'm open-minded and have learned that the networks rarely know how to effectively market a good show.

It's a little ridiculous how excited I get for TV premiere season. Hopefully you'll find it infectious. Happy watching!

Image via iwatchstuff.com

OMG, it's Gossip G-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Seriously, Gossip Girl is so boring. How is it possible that a show with so many dramatic events - Babies! Shootings! Fountain-pushings! - could be so goddamn dull?

I started watching Gossip Girl because I was home sick for a weekend and had nothing else to watch. The first season did not impress me. The second season got me hooked on Chuck Bass. And now I'm left with no other way to get my CB fix than on Gossip Girl...and now I don't even get to hear him say, "I'm Chuck Bass" anymore? Fail.

I watch Gossip Girl now because it's the beginning of premiere season and I've got my mornings free - and, you know, it's mildly entertaining. But it's seriously a terrible fucking show with terrible fucking boring characters and I really wouldn't recommend that anyone else waste their time with it. And if you're suffering from symptoms of Chuck Bass withdrawal, go watch something with Cillian Murphy or Jonathan Rhys Meyers and get your British dandy needs fulfilled elsewhere.

The Ups And Downs Of Modern Family

I just spent the last two days blazing through the first season of Modern Family. You know, this is a good opportunity for me to point out that advertising on television has gotten so ubiquitous and out-of-control that "half hour" shows are actually never more than 22 minutes long (and often closer to 20). This abbreviated format forces shows like this, and The Office, Community, et cetera lose important parts of plot lines and some of the moments that make the show what it is. It's a damn shame, especially since most people fast-forward through commercials or watch TV online these days.

Anyhow, I liked Modern Family, more than I was expecting to from the few episodes I'd seen. However, I'm still not completely sold on it, and I certainly think the Emmy should have gone to Community or Glee or The Office or 30 Rock. But first, let's talk about what I enjoyed.

Obviously, the initial appeal is the multi-generational blended family. The inclusion of a gay male couple with their adopted daughter is really a step in the right direction in terms of visibility of that sort - and the characters are multi-dimensional and do not simply fall into stereotypes (although they do sometimes, just like people in real life). The rest of the family fall pretty easily into traditional sitcom character roles - the perfectionist mom, the cantankerous-yet-endearing grandfather, the dumb and pretty teenage girl, the preternaturally romantic boy - and while it occasionally feels a little tired, the writing keeps these characters fresh. There really is something engaging about modern mixed families like this, and it can be fun to see them through their trials and tribulations.

On the surface, it's enjoyable. But watching the episodes one after another reveals pretty quickly the cracks in the show - something I've never experienced with most of the other comedies I love (see above).

They'll Psych You Out In The End

As usual, you must first watch this:

And now, once you've seen that clip, it will be impossible for you to hate on Psych in any way. That's actually Curt Smith from Tears For Fears, btw. What!

So, I'm sure that you've had moments where you'd like to watch some TV, but you really don't want to watch anything you have to think about too hard or be completely caught up on to understand or that reminds you of the day-to-day banalities of your life. If you're also looking to laugh and enjoy yourself than Psych is the perfect show.

I've been watching Psych since the beginning; I've had a huge crush on Dule Hill since early days of The West Wing and when the opportunity arose for me to see more of him, I grabbed it with gusto. And once I started watching, Psych appealed to me on oh-so-many levels. For those of you who don't know, the premise of the show is that Shawn Spencer (James Roday) was raised by his detective father (Corbin Bernson) to possess very keen, almost supernatural, powers of observation. Finding himself out of work and wanting to prove something to his father (without becoming a cop), Shawn and his BFF Burton Guster (AKA Gus, played by Dule Hill) open a fake psychic detective agency and begin working with the local police department to solve an unrealistic number of crimes and murders taking place in the greater Santa Barbara area. They work closely with surly, bumbling Detective Lassiter (AKA Lassie, played by Tim Omundson) and the sweet, sexy, tough, and logical Detective Juliet O'Hara (Maggie Lawson) and often have to call on Shawn's dad for assistance. Naturally, hilarious antics ensue.

And that's really all you need to know to watch practically any episode of Psych. You can drop in at any time and even if you don't have a relationship with the characters the show is still funny, light, and engaging. I still recommend, as I do with most shows, that you watch from the beginning, but you won't be missing much if you don't. Anyway, these are the reasons that I love Psych, in no particular order:

"Je-sus Christ."

Matt: "How did I get involuntarily deputized as a commandments enforcer?"

Danny: "By working in broadcasting."

Matt: "Nuh-uh, blasphemy isn't an FCC issue, there's no threat of fines."

Danny: "It's a community standards issue."

Matt: "But it's not my community we're talking about."

Danny: "You can't use the lord's name in vain, and that's not going to change and you know it, so move on."

Matt: "It's not my lord we're talking about either."

Danny: "We've had this conversation, and it bores me now."

Matt: "Look, it's one thing to be asked to respect someone else's religion, it's another to be asked to respect their taboos. In my religion it's disrespectful to god not to keep your head covered, but you don't see me insisting that the cast of CSI Miami wear yarmulkes."

Danny: "That'd be an unusual creative direction for CSI Miami."

Matt: "Half the shows in primetime start with two strippers getting strangled after a lap dance. And that's fine with me, but if it's also fine with Jesus than I don't see the need to tiptoe around his name."

Danny: "Matt, you'll be able to have a character tell another character to do something to himself that is anatomically impossible, you'll be able to do it at 8 o'clock on a Sunday before you'll be able to use God or Jesus as an expletive."

Matt: "I can only write Jesus or Christ when I'm referring to Jesus Christ!?"

Danny: "Yes."

Matt: "Let me tell you, if Jesus was the head of Standards and Practices he would pimp-slap the whole lot of us, and not because we used his name in....Jesus as the head of Standards and Practices!"

- Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Nevada Day, Pt. 1

by Thomas Schlamme and Aaron Sorkin

This is one of my favorite scenes from the short-lived series Studio 60 (a show about a late-night SNL-type show where all of the writing except that being performed on the fictional show was pretty awesome). The scene not only takes to task a ridiculous and discriminatory rule that I'm sure many people don't know even exists, but it does it in such a smart way that it's able to subvert the very restrictions that Studio 60 itself has to abide by. Aaron Sorkin...writing like this is the reason that The Social Network makes me sad.

What sucks is that this idea, the Jesus-as-head-of-Standards-and-Practices idea, which may have been the been the best sketch on Studio 60 (where the self-proclaimed and supposedly brilliant comedy writing was often not at all funny) got quashed and never aired (on the fictional Studio 60 - man, writing about this show is confusing). After the terrible-sounding "Crazy Christians" sketch was made such a fuss over, I wished we would have gotten a chance to see that insane mustachioed guy from Standards and Practices shitting a brick over this sketch (which is good! seriously, they do a read-through and the timing is brilliant).

Jesus! Getting back to the point...

Damn The Man - Save Huge!

So...Huge has ended. For now. And because ABC Family only ordered a measly 10 episodes, we're left in the middle of camp when all the drama and relationships are finally coming to a head! Bastards. Now we get to the problem with ABC Family: namely, conservatism.

This is not to say that conservatives hate fat people. I'm sure, no, I know many are fat themselves. It's just that the network seems far more willing to support the psuedo-propaganda and terrible acting and even worse writing of The Secret Life of the American Teenager (hint: the secret is S-E-X) than a show that has a nuanced and realistic look at the actual lives of actual fat teenagers. A show that has a character who is proud and comfortable with his fluid sexuality and gender presentation. A show that has a character whose parents pretty much represent the people in society who believe that all fat people need to be happy/successful/worthwhile is to lose weight. A show that has numerous characters who used to be fat and are still trying to learn to love themselves. A show that calls characters out for disordered eating disguised as diet tricks.

And so I'm worried. I'm worried that the execs at a company that apparently gets to determine what "family values" are are going to watch the show and say, you know, this isn't what we want our kids watching. We don't want them getting any ideas about pride and self-expression and hooking up with your camp counselor. We don't want them knowing how complicated life can actually be.

Not to mention that there is always going to be someone saying that no one wants to see fat people on TV...which is completely ridiculous, given that we live in a fat country. Face it - we are fat. We are so fat that the city I live in had to pass rules stating what kinds of snacks we can let kids eat at school. We are so fat they had to ban Fruit by the Foot and make kids start eating actual fruit. I think it's kind of ridiculous, and that there are ways to teach kids how to be healthy without forbidding certain things (because when food is forbidden it automatically becomes more desired - at least I know that's one of the things that led to my own weight issues)....just like there are ways to let teenagers know it's ok to be fat and value your own health simultaneously.

I think really I'm afraid for the future of Huge because in many ways Hollywood gives little value to originality or relatability and instead cares entirely about money (surprising, I know). When there's a show that doesn't fit in to the way they think they should be making money, they cancel it, or market it so poorly that they are able to find an excuse to cancel it (a la Arrested Development, The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brian, Pushing Daisies, etc). And I love Huge so much that I am just waiting for the cancellation shoe to drop - because I know the studio execs are itching for an excuse to destroy the best thing to show up on teen-oriented television in forever. I guess it's not just about ABC Family - I simply have no trust in Hollywood in general to keep the good things on my screen.

So go send them some feedback or simply "like" Huge on Facebook. Little efforts like that can make a big difference in these digital times, when a visible and vocal audience can actually have an impact. I already lost Party Down this summer, I'm not sure I could stand it if I lost these characters too.

And for pity's sake, if you're not watching, go do it now. The most recent seven episodes are on Hulu, or you can always go find links on Sidereel and start from the beginning.

BTW, if you'd like the link for the picture up top I'll give it to you, but I got it from a CNN Health article on childhood obesity that I'd really rather not link to. So, I'm not trying to steal this image, but fuck you CNN and your fatist bullshit.

More seconds, please!

The Inevitable Disappointment

I've realized that what's even worse than Bryan Cranston beating Jon Hamm for the third year in a row is that Emmy voters simply have no taste. In fact, the only major awards I think they got right were the Emmys given to Jane Lynch and Mad Men.

It always sucks when there's a category (Best Supporting Actor in a Drama, por ejemplo) where 5 of the nominees are so good I can't decide which one deserves it and the remaining one is lame...and wins it. Michael Emerson, Terry O'Quinn, John Slattery, Martin Short...you were robbed. Not to mention that Christina Hendricks and Elizabeth Moss lost to a woman who quite clearly stated, "This is great for my career" in her speech. No shit, dude. Now go do something worthwhile.

Fuck The Good Wife. I hate the title, I hate the subject, and I hate that it captivates all of the elderly and unimaginative Emmy voters. And while we're at it, fuck The Closer even harder. How cunty was it when Kyra Sedgwick made Tina Fey hold her Emmy while she gave her speech? I have always hated Kyra Sedgwick, but that just cemented it. God, what an awful thing to do. Tina, I love you. I'll give you an Emmy.

I'm glad that NPH won for the Tonys because clearly no one is ever going to give him or Steve Carell any of the love they so truly deserve.

And we're just going to forget everything that Jimmy Fallon said - let's just remember what he sang. Dude has seriously surprised me at actually being really good on Late Night, but the writing on the show last night was so bad there was no way he was gonna pull it off. Thank god for John Hodgeman.

The opening, however, was brilliant. They should all get Emmys just for that, including Tim Gunn and Randy Jackson (I'm not an Idol fan by any means, but it was awesome to see him actually up there totally shredding on the guitar), but we can leave out Kate Gosselin and that unrecognizable brunette who jumped in at the last minute. And can someone please make me a gif of John Hamm shimmying and then backing it up? And one of Jorge singing? I need that hotness multiple times a day, man.

In other news, once Jorge Garcia and John Hamm and Joel McHale form a band, my life will be complete. Seriously, guys...I would pay a lot of money to see that. Maybe all my money. Ever. So...get on it.

And now please welcome once again to the stage...The Primetime Emmys!

It's time, kids. It's time to talk about the Emmys.

Now, I don't have a problem with the Emmys themselves, per se. Of course it makes sense for the medium of television to have its own awards show. The problem is that I don't think anyone really thought it through enough to realize that awards for television might need to be structured a little differently than those for movies or music.

Because what ends up happening is this: An actor lands a role on a show. The actor is nominated by Emmy (or Golden Globe, they have the same problem) voters. The actor wins an Emmy. And then next year, when that actor is nominated for playing the exact same role and wins again, no one says boo. I'm sorry, but even stellar actors like Alec Baldwin get stuck in this trope. No doubt that he's brilliant on 30 Rock, but there is so much good work being done on TV these days and this awards show-rut continuously rewards the same people. Like effing Tony Shaloub. Did anyone know that Monk was even still on the air? Tony Shaloub and Monk are like, the U2 of television: you don't know anyone who really likes them, yet they continue to be rewarded by their own industry (seriously, Rolling Stone: no one cares about U2. stop sucking Bono's dick and give me some more Matt Taibi and Rob Sheffield, because that's all I read anymore). Anyway, my point is that I really feel like there needs to be a rule where an actor can only win once for a particular role. I don't think it applies to the shows themselves; a show can be very different from season to season. But especially in comedies...god, I was so angry when that awful old man from Everybody Loves Raymond won over and over again, even after he died. Well, I was pretty angry when anything from ELR won at all, but that's just because I have good taste.

Seriously, though. Alec, Tina, Jon Hamm...I love you guys. You're amazing actors and you deserve the Emmys you already have. But I also love NPH and Jorge Garcia and Rainn Wilson and Jane Lynch and Zach Galifianakis and Nathan Fillion and Justin Kirk...just to name a few. And I think they deserve some recognition for the incredible work they do.

The Point Of This Post Is That Martin Short Is Hilarious.

I recently watched Christopher Guest's first film as a writer/director, The Big Picture. Anyone who has any interest in the Hollywood scene should really watch it, it's a hilarious look at the ways the machine takes you in, grinds you up, and spits you out.

Plus, it led me to discover Martin Short in a role that rivals The Piv's Ari Gold. Unfortunately they don't have my favorite scene of his up on YouTube, but this one is still pretty good. And you should really just go watch the whole movie (it's on Netflix instant) because even though I hate Kevin Bacon and Teri Hatcher it's still totally awesome. And Michael McKean is so cute with his 80's beard and swishy hair.

Seriously though, Martin Short. Is awesome. Now, I loved Hamlet 2 as much as the next girl, but I'm still not entirely convinced that the whole concept isn't ripped off from Martin Short in Get Over It, one of the most highly underrated & unknown movies from the early '00s. It has Sisqo in it! And Vitamin C singing Captain and Tenille! And Shane West as a boy band member with a fake accent! And a musical version of A Midsummer Night's Dream! If you need more from a movie than that, I can't help you.

Anyway, check out Mr. Short (and Ben Foster) being utterly hilarious in this clip, and then go watch both of these movies. You can thank me when you're not so full with laughter and nostalgia.

"Projectioooooooooooooooooon, Mr Burke!"

One More Reason Why Dawson's Creek Is Awesome:

Jane Lynch is Pacey's Mom. Like, for realsies. In this scene she's about to serve chipped beef on toast for Pacey's birthday, which she always forgets is actually Dougie's favorite. I'm betting you stopped paying attention about the time I said "chipped beef on toast", because that is one of those foods that always gets me thinking, "Why?"

anyway, I gotta say she's pretty funny, even in her limited role. And it's a good episode, except for the barfable Isabella Star Fairy story and Dawson and Gretchen making out in the basement. oops, sorry if i ruined it for you.

BTDubs, Pacey's Dad is the Chief on Cold Case, but that's not as exciting.

Images via People, buddytv.com

Shades Of Grey And Mad Men's Moral Ambiguities

After spending the last week or so re-watching the first three seasons of Mad Men, something about the characterizations really struck me. Unlike 95% of all other television, the characters on Mad Men live in a world where doing a bad thing doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad person...meaning they live in the same world as the rest of us.

Let's talk for a little about Pete Campbell, Greg Harris, and then we'll get on to Don and Betty Draper.

Pete was introduced as a man you love to hate. He's short-sighted, narcissistic, greedy, full of hubris, and most of all, entitled. He does some things that we (the audience) think of as cruel, but shows strength of character through his relations with Trudy, his progressive and positive views on race and integration, and his eventual ability to have a respectful, appreciative, and collaborative relationship with Peggy Olsen. In the 3rd season episode, Souvenir, we see Pete missing his wife, and coming upon an opportunity to do a nice favor for a poor German au pair. He's quite the gentlemen, right up until he shows up drunk and pretty much saying that she owes him some use of her body in return for his magnanimous favor. She does kiss him back, but later we learn that she's been crying all day because he forced himself on her.

In this day and age, as a twentysomething feminist, I'm conditioned to believe that rape is never ok. But we live in a world that purports to educate its young men on these things (although whether or not it actually does is unclear) - and Mad Men takes place in a world where men were expected and encouraged to go after what they wanted. Of course, what Pete does to the au pair is not ok. We, the 21st century audience, know that. But I have to admit that I didn't hate him after this episode. Pete finds redemption when his wife returns and you can see how pained he is that he got drunk and weak and fucked somebody else. He doesn't even need to say anything and she knows - that's how in sync they are. The next day, his apology is both typically-60s-male yet also very sweet: he tells her, "I don't want you to go away without me. Ever." while he is somewhat placing the blame for his indiscretion on her absence, he's also acknowledging his own weakness and promising to never put himself in a position where he can hurt her again. I know I said earlier that I keep hoping for Pete and Peggy to have a torrid affair, but it is more clear to me than ever how perfect Pete and Trudy are together. More than perhaps any other couple on the show, they are honest with each other and accept each other for themselves - because a good marriage has got give some room for people to make mistakes.

Moving on to Greg Harris, the more famous Mad Men rapist. Because he raped Joan, people, and that isn't as easily forgivable.

That scene in Don's office is so painful, because it demonstrates something that I'm sure happened a lot back then - men taking what they wanted, because they wanted it. Men slut-shaming their wives/girlfriends and using their sexuality as justification to be sexually aggressive. I think Dr. Harris is incidental to this scene - he represents a larger problem, not only in society but also in the relationship with Joan. He wants to to be able to give her what she wants on his own terms, but is ultimately unable to. In later scenes, we see that he truly does love and value her, but that their relationship is always doomed because neither is able to live up to the others' high expectations.

He probably is going to go die in Vietnam, but I no longer think he's a terrible person (and I hope he gives Joanie a baby first!).  He tried to be a good husband, and failed, but if Joan can forgive him, then so can I. Now, if that had happened in 2010, I'm sure she would have kicked him to the curb after kneeing him in the balls and fleeing and perhaps calling the cops and then putting "Greg Harris is a skeezy turd" on Facebook - but we can't apply modern social mores to these situations, it simply doesn't make sense. We have to be more forgiving, and look at the characters as nuanced and complex and fallible human beings, not representations of good or evil.

As I went from episode to episode, I wondered: what makes me able to understand and forgive Don's lying, philandering and occasional cruelty? And the answer is that he is a good man (no matter what Allison says). I can see that in his passions and his instincts and in the way he opened himself to everyone in the Season 3 finale. He is a good father (well, as good as he can be, given the circumstances). He lies about his past because he's afraid of losing the life he's built...and how do you explain something like that to a spoiled Mainline brat? He cheated on Betty because, well, he's fucked up and she's terrible...and he probably shouldn't have married Betty in the first place. In trying to create this life for himself, it seems he bought in to what society (and advertising) was telling him he needed: a perfect blonde housewife, two kids, house in the suburbs, etc. I doubt that Don Draper has ever asked himself what he really, truly wants because half of his problems come from trying to fit himself into a life that doesn't fit him.

He really is a good father. I cried last night watching the scene where they tell Bobby and Sally about the divorce - Sally asks her mother, "Did you make him leave?" and I want to scream YES OF COURSE THIS IS ALL HER FAULT. Because it is so heartbreaking to see Don, in the days after The Shoebox Conversation, look at Betty like she really knows him and loves him - and all the while she's plotting her escape route. You can see that he's relieved that he doesn't have to hide himself any more - and he's shocked when she rejects him. Don's ultimate motivation is to be loved for who he really is, whatever his name or his past. Betty holds that hope up to the sun and then crushes it underfoot.

This is because Betty is a horrible succubus. Every time I think i'm starting to feel sorry for her - as she goes through the birthing scene in The Fog, for example - she turns around and does something awful - naming her child after her father who died like, three weeks ago and whom her husband hated, for example. Betty, as has been noted many times before, is a child. Everything about her is childish and ultimately selfish. She is, like her "friend" Sara Beth says, "a horrible woman". And she is just a terrible fucking mother. Like, the worst mother ever. That, ultimately, is why Don ends up on higher moral ground then she does - her reaction to Sally regarding Gene Sr.'s death makes me want to slap her face. And yes, I know that things were tough for women and housewives in the 60's - but even my grandma, who could be a bitter and often difficult mother, did better than Betty. Though she occasionally does something right, it's never enough to push her character into gray ambiguity. Sorry, Betty Draper Francis, but if we're looking at black and white and gray...you are definitely in the black.

See? There are reasons to tune in besides all the pretty clothes and places and people. Mad Men (through the writing, acting, and directing) gives the audience complex and intimate moments with its characters and trusts us to makes the connections ourselves. I feel like television often assumes its viewer is stupid and needs gentle hand-holding through the story - Mad Men knows that the opposite is true.

I'm really looking forward to things continuing to develop over this season, but I hope they give Don a little hope. He's definitely stuck in The Swamps of Sadness (and bourbon) right now, but he's got to leave the past and Artax behind and save himself. And while he's at it, he should get a house and save those kids from the succubus. And BTW, what the hell is going on with Baby Gene? He's Don's baby, we all know that - is he going to be raised as Henry's?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Betty is the worst.

Images via NYMag, nj.com, Daily Mail

Bloggers Aren't Always Right: Entourage

so, after that post on Entourage, i've kept watching the show. and, i have to say, i was surprised enough by it that i felt the need to write this little...well, it's not really a retraction, i'll just call a takesies-backsies. in fact, i think i'm going to start a series called BAAR: Bloggers Aren't Always Right just for these occasions where i form an opinion and then find evidence to contradict it. it happens often enough, and i like to keep an open mind.

well, at least partly. everything i wrote about guest stars and hating Eric and Drama and Adrian Grenier's hair and Turtle losing weight...that still stands. but i wanted to go back and talk a little more about the character of Ari Gold and about the presence of female characters on the show.

first, the wimins. historically on Entourage, women have only existed in relation to the main male characters. fans, starfuckers, starlets, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, wives, studio execs, publicists...basically as tools the men use to achieve their needs and desires. the women who did have power (Ari's wife; Ari's partner, Barbara; Vince's publicist Shauna played by Debi Mazar; rival agent Amanda Daniels; Dana the studio head) were generally portrayed as one-dimensional bitches and/or shrews.

now, with this new season, we have some actual women development going. first, there's Ari's wife, who has some actual agency and is shown to not only love her husband but also stays on top of his shit. next, there's Sasha Grey. while the version of herself she plays may be a bad influence on Vince, the ideas she espouses in relation to sexuality and society are really spot on. it's nice to have a smart, sexy woman be taken seriously on this show.

we will not discuss Alex. i still hate her.

You Can't Make Me Love Gossip Girl If I Won't

First, watch this:

(It's ok, you can laugh. In fact, laughing is encouraged.)

Bullett Magazine + Penn Badgley from BULLETT MAGAZINE on Vimeo.

So, there's that. What stands out to me most about this video (besides his white turtleneck of which I had a similar one in 3rd grade and his repeated need to stick his tongue blowjobily into the corner of his mouth...and his terrible, terrible hair and his terrible, terrible, seizure-like singing) is that it says to me that Penn Badgley takes himself seriously. And if Penn Badgley takes himself seriously...then he must take Dan Humphrey seriously as well. And, you know, just typing those two names together made me realize how similar they are. Honestly, this video could be a Funny or Die parody of Dan Humphrey doing a pretentious interview after his novel gets hugely popular or something equally implausible....but it's not. It's Penn Badgley, talking about why he's this amazing Renaissance man (and pretty much just trying to get women to sleep with him). Penn Badgley is just Dan Humphrey with a better wardrobe and more name recognition (but only slightly more - for the longest time I thought Blake Lively was Penn Badgley and vice-versa).

I've never been a huge fan of Gossip Girl. I started watching it towards the end of the first season because I was stuck at home sick for a weekend and was avoiding writing my thesis. I was unimpressed. As a hardcore Dawson's Creek fan, I felt like Gossip Girl represented a lot of things I didn't like about the younger generation: the obsession with celebrity and notoriety through sexuality, power, money, overpriced status clothes, and texting. It lacked the honesty, the self-aware campiness, and the bare emotions of The Creek. And the editing was awful.

Things haven't gotten any better.

Now, I love me some Chuck and Blair. They're pretty much the only reason I've continued watching the show, and that's because I'm a sucker for Ed Westwick and a star-crossed lovers story. But even Chuck and Blair have become dull and staid. The (laughably bad) writers shot their collective wad too quickly - and then over and over and over again. Any sensible plotlines were used up long ago, and now they insist on making complex mysteries about things that no one cares about. Serena's dad? Snooze. Jenny not-doing drugs, not-having sex, and being unbearable? Double snooze. Anything involving Dan Humphrey and Vanessa lying to each other in order to not hurt each other's feelings? Double VOM. And god, Dawson's Creek, How I Met Your Mother and even Friends handled the inevitable incestuousness of a small ensemble cast miles better than Gossip Girl. They had a sense of humor when necessary yet hurting people and betrayal had real, continued, tangible consequences; on Gossip Girl something that is a huge deal one episode is NBD the next, and then all of a sudden something from the past will come back and be a huge deal again. I really just don't have the energy to care anymore.

And FOR PITY'S SAKE, enough already with every fucking episode having a party/gathering/gala/wedding/French ambassador thingy/traditional Roman Bacchanalia where every character shows up, invited or no. The writers are clearly atrocious, unoriginal failures and should be fired. Or maybe, since this whole thing seems to have started with the creators of the show, they should just stop making fucking Gossip Girl. The clothes aren't that great anyhow...certainly not enough to distract from the swirling vortex of mind-numbing stupidity that is plot, script, and character development.

In other news (and by news, I mean well-researched personal opinion), Penn Badgley is clearly an atrocious, unoriginal failure and should be fired from being Penn Badgley.

Image via blogs.fashionclub.com

Entourage knows we know they know we know

every time i think of Entourage, i think of this:

sometimes i even say it out loud.

i've watched Entourage since the beginning, and it was with the last season that i really started to realize that the show doesn't particularly interest me. here is a graph that illustrates my feelings about Entourage over time:

i've really just begun to realize how much of a safe place Entourage is for Hollywood to make fun of itself. after PaceyCon and Eva Mendes' SEX Tape, the differences between the kind of self-mocking they do on sites like FunnyOrDie and the kind that they do on this highly produced (and lauded) HBO series became really clear to me. the guest stars on Entourage are clearly playing characters that are not themselves. although you'll see them referencing their past work and possibly even trashing it, the celebrities who guest on Entourage are written to be so overblown that they become ludicrous and thus unbelievable (except, perhaps, Gary Busey, bless his crazy little heart). they are also clearly still a part of the Hollywood machine...and some of them are such bad actors that it's painfully clear they're playing a role (i'm looking at you, Mary).

but the Funny Or Die skits refer to the celebrities' pasts as a real part of who they are, even though the person they present is still obviously not a straight-up representation of who they are. and because it's presented in a medium that isn't controlled by Hollywood or aimed at making money (beyond self-promotion), it's straight-up funnier. and more real. and really...funnier.

just look at the difference between these two examples of actors mocking themselves and making references to their past, and think about they way that each video makes you relate to the actor.

Bob Saget:

James Franco:

Acting With James Franco Episode 1: "Sense Memory" from James Franco

to me, James Franco's introduction with the clips of his on-screen crying supports the version of himself that he's playing (and mocking) in the movie. on the other hand, Bob Saget's comment about doing drugs in the 90's either rings true...or gross. honestly, i don't want to hear how fucked up you possibly were around all those kids. and i don't really believe that you were. and the Hollywood whorehouse brings up a whole other set of issues.

Entourage espouses to give us something that Americans have proven they love: a glimpse into the magical and mysterious lives of the rich and famous. this is what it's like to go to Sundance! this is what it's like to get the most exclusive sneakers! this is what it's like to fuck any starlet you want! but at this point, a lot of it feels like the rich people tooting their own horn. i don't care if there are whorehouses hidden in Hollywood and auctions where famous athletes will sell you their dinosaur skull. i'm sure there are. i just don't care about them. i'm tired of the most celebrated thing in this country being a lifestyle that is, simply put, wasteful.

so, it's refreshing to me when celebrities go low-budg, unserious, and celebrate the fact that their fans may love them for a less-than critically acclaimed piece of work. and in the age of the Internet, fans are constantly seeking out something that will tell them more about their favorite celebs. this way, the celebrities can put an honest and light-hearted piece of themselves out there without revealing too much.

----

Entouraaaage! bringing the focus back to the show, i'd like to direct your attention back to the graph i made. after making that graph, and writing some more, and leaving to go to a play and coming home and sleeping and then getting up to finish this post, i went searching for some images and learned that the show is now in it's seventh season. god, no wonder it's getting stale. i honestly thought we were on season 5, maybe 6. so, you know...adjust the graph accordingly, 'cause i'm too lazy to do it and it's hard to edit in MS Paint.

by this time, the relatively flat characters are already so developed that there's nowhere for

them to go from here. they're trying to give Grenier a bad-boy phase right now, but shaving

your head and doing a Cassavetes stunt and jumping out of an airplane and fucking Sasha Grey do not impress me. except for maybe that last one. seriously, they shaved his head! WTF? everyone knows the hottest part about him is his hair. gimme more of this ---->

and less of this:

Drama is ugly, annoying, and repetitive. Eric is a whiny bitch and i hate that i'm supposed to care about him. and Turtle, my lovely little Turtle, lost just enough weight to make me sad and is trying to fuck that Latina actress who is totally an Emily Valentine. there is really nothing exciting going on in the show; the characters don't learn anything or grow in any way. and maybe that's Hollywood...but it's also boring.

this brings us to Ari. you know, i hopped on the Ari train along with everyone else when Entourage came out. he was an honest and funny character. but now his stunts have gotten so overblown - they gave him too much power, and now it'm bored. and i am so unimpressed with the "bitches teaming up to get Ari 'cause they're bitches" storyline. i might be a little more forgiving if the show had a single positive female character, but i hate Sloane and though i love Debi Mazar and Ari's hot wife i'm not sure they count. Ari is most entertaining when he's in the trenches with Lloyd, trying to get shit done. and there's not enough Lloyd anymore!

ultimately, my problem with Ari comes down to this: i realized at the beginning of this season that the reason why Hollywood folk and the Emmys & whatnot love Ari Gold/Jeremy Piven is because he basically does an overblown and hilarious impersonation of their agents. those of us plebes who don't have agents don't understand why The Piv continues to get awards for playing a flat, static character...and i think it's because Hollywood loves to congratulate its own narcissism. all these actors can mock agents and the Hollywood process, which must feel liberating when you're stuck so hard in it. but what it comes down to is that Piven's performance, while convincing and funny, has zero depth. and i get really angry when original and talented actors get passed over come awards season in favor of more masturbatory statues being flung at Entourage.

(the way i feel about actors winning awards for playing the same roles year after year when the role doesn't markedly change is the subject of a whole other post.)

to sum up: Entourage has gotten stale. there's that line in the (irritating, interminable) theme song that goes, "you know i need you desperately"...and the answer to that is yes. i do know you need me, and i know you know i know. the problem is, you haven't convinced me to stick around, bros. after seven (god, i still can't believe it's been seven) years, it might be time to kick this toxic relationship to the curb and move on to something newer, fresher, and funnier.

sorry, boys. it's not me, it's you.

Images via fancast.com, buzznet.com, fashionfame.com